todae wasn't a gd dae...
due to morning my colleague give my cock up work early in the morning which i need to solve.
lot of phone calls doing lots of shit work..
then come this power one liao...
tml nite got exercise which once again i am the safty officer again.. got to follow.
the exercise is from 9p.m to 3a.m.. then after 3 i will need to fall in parade square by 4a.m. going to get COA but whu care about this stupid cerf...
todae damn sian. i tried all my SAR21 using pen-test.. over 120 guns la.. test the whole afternoon.. tired like fuck..
then went to cut hair.. damn stupid.. gosfather can ask yeo stop following me... i say le i dun wan anyone to follow me and i a at boon lay la... i dun wan anyone to know la... tt idiot... whu already got square top already still go in barber shop just to dig the ear!!! knn... i was trying to throw all the coin to uncle and he say nvm he will pay for me.. wa lau lei.. then uncle give me the strange look... then he told me cause i nv use there de money so look poor... KNN..
i told u le godfather i will not touch there de money even thought i have help u all to earn alot.. but tt is helping u.. which u have been taking care of me very well..
damn sian..
ya sorry godfather.. i dun mean to make u worry about my health. i know u r the one to make me go throught yearly health test. cause u know i nv take care of myself one..
i try to la... no worry u know me de.. i nv die so early de la....=X
haha.
one thing.. STOP SENDING ME THOSE SUPPLEMENT CARD AND CREDIT CARD LA...
u know i will nv used it la..
please la...
i will visit u once i got my time.. think nov ba.. i see how it is.. bring her to see u ok??
not a comfirm answer here...
u enjoy urself.. and dun scold me too fast ok.. u see ur own report.. i also have ur one ok...
take care.. bear they all will help u la...=)
sorry la bro i spell wrongly..
u dun say ma.. later ur gf see liao i can say is not you.. you damn dumb la....

bro no worries la.. i choke dun die tt easy one..
and i dehydrate until i faint for 30 mins todae....=X
but i still nv go doc cause they thought i slping..hahahahha gd actor lei....haha

bro another thing... i need the full detailed report asap...
i'm reading the dae report now... still ok lei... but the wbc and the hormoes got something not tt right even though id not tt high.. and the level is low... i need to see the SLDK scan and the HGFY blood chart... ask godfather tt side faster can?? kind of in a rush... but dun send me tml.. i not at home..

tml actually i can get off one... but i got to do my duty at nite.. so i not at home la... dun send me... i still need to read up more on the report la.. ig o first anything just call me..
ALRED!!!
DUNNO is whu give whose no to ppl lo...=X
u knn..=X

ok la first thing... i dunno y but i am having heavy dehydration these few daes..
aleast also vomit thrice a dae.. and it's all water...
dun feel like going to see DOC also..

second. NTU senior lecture call me todae...
asking me whether am i interested to become lecture in the NTU after the 6 years course they going to give me which include going for researh and lecture class in uni of london for the last 2 years and be back to be an lecture in NTU for math and engineer..
the onli things tt make me interested is actually onli tt i will stay in singapore and work..

actually i am still tihnking... 3 years of work in singapore first then study or 4 years of study there and work there... or go for laws or others courses...
i onli got one factor. tt is onli her...
i may not be the one right beside her..
but i will be the one whu will be there when even called..
may think tt this sound stupid.. but to me it's worth it..
tt y godfather and my bro have nv put me together with my actual years old...
i am just 22.. but they always say u think and behave like an 40 years old man...
haha maybe tt my actual age ba... one year got 2 birthdae ma.. hahaahhahahh
one english one chinese...hahahaha

Bros i actually got one request... please take care of godfather. i know u all will do it even if i dun say it... but u all know he old man but always appear happy and act like kid... but u all know he is like me neglect his own health one.. onli godmother and ask him eat medi one.. bro tell u secret do it like me.. haha cannot post here he will see.... later i message u all... ahahaha...

bros i end my course for tis term liao.. nth to study liao.... should i take night class??? if not at home emo meh?.. =X... bros please take care of godmother and godfather for me... i know it's always the other way round... haha...

ok bro u guys take care too... godfather know the result of the blood test tell me... i wan full detailed one! ty.. u know whose one i referring to.. cause whu tell u faster than me.. u knn
bro and godfather... i felt lost here..
u all ahve always been telling me wat u all believe i can do..
but nv once u all told me stop.. u can't do these...
but i am lost.. i'm feeling like a child..
need help but yet i can't voice it out...
yes u r rite!
u all know it onli her...
i dunno wat she thinks every moment...
urge to know everything tt concern her..
but i know i am in no palce to ask all these..
u all may say it's old fashion.. but to me i learn it this way..
not mine i nv touch... nv cross tt line...
always tries to be polite...
so in the end like wat alfred say i will be getting a " hao ren card"
but i just need her smile.... simply smile...
but behind every smiles... i always sense something wrong some where...
am i thinking too much???

she just keep popping into my head and visual every now and then.. just like it became a necessarily le...
maybe it's so call poison...
time is the onli thing tt heal and kills...
this week is not a good week for me...
slpless nite was a killer...
bored to death...
worried???
angry???
down??
emo??
dunno wat even happen...
this life ba...
not everything can be accounted for...
ya.. ytd...
since bear also know le... he tag b4 i can even post...
bro i know u all r not here..
i am still whu i am...
u know wat i can do to this kind of ppl..
so no worry la.. i am alwyas end everything without a scratch ..


ytd doesn't have anything to do...
so last min think of going back to warehouse to pray since it's 7th month also.. i haven pray yet..
after tt drink alone there.... then ppl call me..
tell me tt idiot is in dragonfly...
so got to go down settle him...
so i go lo... it's been long time since i used my fist..
i was not feeling anything when it just connected to his face..
like always the bouncer will just see..
settle le then since few cam mates was at double o so go there wahile lo.. to see them drunk..
try to drink with them but there r like so high.. then i send one drunk campmate home... cause he shut the dj's laptop sia..

after all i am still moodless ba.. dun ask me why.. i haven been wondering...
bro i think u all know wat happen liao..
cause one by one u all r calling me...
my temper suck la... no comment liao..
i know u all will come out with some physoc to physoc me one la...
u all have been well.. putting me in the dark....
making me free so upright or wat ever.. but i'm not la...
utterly disappointed with myself...
bro stop calling ba.. i will not answer de..
left me alone ba...
ok i am back here..
firstly my birthdae.. just like any other dae...
the nite b4 my birthdae.. went to marina bay sand to drink with alderson..
talk alot to me... cause godfather tell me damn lots of things about me... aleazst he talk sense to me la...i happy tt he gave me advices... but unhappy with the girls.... i can't live with girls around man... please..
ok then my birthdae ba.... went out with geraldine, sufyan, james, cumber, berlinda and shuinan. went to grand haytt .... ate the buffet.. and is like soso la.. lol ok la not bad... nv eat much ba... dunno wat i thinking also... always so stressed out.. thanks geraldine for the wallet, sufyan for treating, james for the wallet even thought i nv use... shuinan for the shirt... after tt went to meet kelyn at jp.. thanks for the cake.. then went to central la kopi again ba.. haha then went back home...
went to Switzerland to meet godfather and bros... went at 3a.m..
went there bear fetch me....
once i alight from the car.. i was drag in by them and pin down..
kena kissed by all their gfs... SIANS LA...
i dun like tt la...
cause i onli like one person kiss,, LOLZ.. lame me..
ya all of them was suaning me all the way.. cause all of them are in pairs...
onli me... kena suan until i super sian...
lot of presents but i nv vring back... haha.. cause i onli need one wallet will do.. hee..
godfather always have things for me to think about everytime i meet him...
no matter how hard we try... he will always aleast have an 30 mins serioue talk with me..
i know wat u wan.. but i can't..
i am just 22 and i am still in NS..
i know u like her alot..
i can't afford anything for her..
no compromise and nth..
nth i can gif her..
i have no right to ask her also..
if i got nth like now how to jio her?
and u think i tom cruise meh..
somemore i ugly... i got all the disadvantage...
godfather i am stress up... not onli about me.. and i am always worrying about her..
it just wouldn't get out of my head..
bro since i am free at home.. i came here to do so soul refreshing...
i kind of hate myself, my temper, my weight, my size... just myself..
i was dulan just now with cum's problems.... cause tt happen to me b4 so i know the damn feeling...
and i told her abit it... she ask me dun dunlan and i reply how not to dulan..
fuck la... then come no reply.. fucking felt the regretful ....
now also dunno how... fucking sian lo...
me and my fault... y my temper like tt.. bro how?
i tired of myself.... i need someone... no wat i need is just her....
but like wat sometimes u all will hint me... ppl got their choices..
bro.. ppl r meant to have dreams.. and she is one big part of it..
u all know how important she is...
bo bian.. u all r my most trusted ppl le.. tt y need to ask u all go bangkok.. i know it's hard... i'm sorry after NS i will make it up back to u all... sorry...

and sorry to u....it's my bad to answer like tt.. sorry..
BROS.. like wat u all have told me... this blog i think u all r the onli ones tt read... so i think about it. why do i have to hide u guys from others... ok bros.. u all can comment and talk here le... =)

Still thanks alot bros... rmb to go drunk after my birthdae man... ask godfather where he wan drink... u all take care... i think most of u r on holidae or working ba.. but i dun have the time to meet u all... i'm very sorry bros....
was home the whole day.. cause i was forced to take off.. i have over 40 daes off... and just nice todae i dun have any task in hand so my boss forced me to take off.. haha..
but an off dae is not east to pass man...
even thought i slept at 1 ytd...and wake up at 12 todae..is the longest i have slpet.. but i keep waking up in the middle... i dun feel like i have take the 11 hrs slp...
haha.. nvm
the later part of the day i was making phone call here and there...
settle the ppl in bangkok... bo bian asked them for a big flavour... still got to talk more to make them happy and willing to help me...
heee actually i came here is because while i was surfing aimlessly on the web i found this...

The problem stemmed from a difference in approach. To many men a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. Mark thought he was reassuring Eve by telling her there was something she could do about her scar. But often women are looking for emotional support, not solutions.

When my mother tells my father she doesn't feel well, he invariably offers to take her to the doctor. Invariably, she is disappointed with his reaction. Like many men, he is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.

i am just like a normal man, telling the solution, however after looking at these i kind of like understand why i keep getting the reply SIAN.. or something same.. but i dunno wat to text back.. kind of need to read more ba.. haha or someone can tell me???? heee
todae every shit tt can fall on a person fall on me..
ytd nite.. first step into this shit dae...
i dream of myself dead.. in my own funereal, onli got godpa, bear, alfread, gamer, phyco, ite and chunyip.
not even my family is there.. is like i also dunno wat to say it just wake me u at 2 when i start to slp at 12.30.
nvm then come second one.. cannot get to slp so prepare for my mock test. then wat i study did not come out for the test.. sian liao lo... after then result come back 60%.. wth...
also nvm.. next... go out to ns.. take lift until downstair forget to bring ez-link card... go back take.. then in lift see one siao uncle.. knn smoke in lift.. ccb..
nvm... then go busstop.. wait for 240 wait fucking long...
nvm... then got on bus find a sit, sat down.. one auntie brought laska on bus packet one.. dunno whu will wan to eat laska early the the morning sia... then cause bus pack she sit beside me.. then got one uncle push until her hand.. her laska fall then kena my shoe and jeans... early in the morning...
nvm... reach jp faster go toilet wash... then toliet got ppl shit.. fucking smelly...
nvm... then went to take camp bus.. just saw the bus.. it went off.. i am late liao lo..
nvm... go camp.. first thing late kena fuck
nvm... hope the other will be ok.. then coem call me here and there knn.
nvm... when i doing secret with my friend, maj call.. ask the guy doing with u malay ar? i say yes.. he say malay canot touch secret.. WTH.. then ask e everything do myself..
nvm.. i do... do for like very 10 min he call me do this do that like i very free like tt..
nvm.. then i neeed to rush all this by fri cause mon course start... if not fri i no need go home liao... then he keep adding more workload on me..
nvm.. then forget lunch..
nvm.. wan to buy redbull... sold out...
nvm.. forget it go back my room do.... air-con spoil....knn
nvm.. end up and with lots of paper and pen knife cuts..
nvm.. do until 5 thoguht can go home rest awhile... then sir see me say choke.. edwin mess up the AIOC returning of books... help him out.. wth.. meaning i stay back to help...
nvm.. then all the sir all look for me give me all sort of stupid reason for missing books and lost pages...
nvm.. finally can go home.. changed.. wan to step out of office... another student coem gif me shit...
nvm.. do lo.. walk out of sdc.. nvm tuck in shirt.. kena from warrant officer cb...
nvm.. walk cross sdc... door closed...
nvm.. walk one big round.. reach busstop get on the bus no ppl... press the bell..uncle dun wan stop de lei...passed one busstop...
nvm.. i walk back.. while walking to shuinan house downstair de busstop.. dunno how i kick one stupid stone and fall down..
nvm.. saw the busstop missed 99... and ping in the bus too...
nvm.. reach home wan use com.. both com bro use..
nvm.. then wan to eat dinner whole dae nv eat.. mum cook all those i dun like one..
nvm.. go bath.. fall down in bathroom..
nvm.. sit down dun wan move.. father scolding me y nv help mum do this do tt...
after allt his shit happen just in a dae.. u think is this a dae???
todae is a really dunno wat dae???
i 'm confused here.. really..
am i wrong??? wrong pls tell me... someone
fucking scold me or wat... tell me i'm in wrong..
really felt useless...
first time trying my really best to help but i still failed!
waking up at 7 just to go down to alfred house to wear my business suit. where i dun touch it at all...
then when down damn early when i am suppose to meet him at 9.. reach at 8...
while waiting think of all the things i can say to him..
however he keep wanting me to join his sch.. wtf la... first i dun study their courses.
second why is it tt u got space for me and her when u dun have space for her??? bulllshit la....
talk to him for 1 and a half hours.. still can't.. then he got to leave... and it's start pouring... get on a cab get to alfred house the way from the road to his house. i was really down... drench in the pouring rain.. feeling so heavy like nv before...
really felt very bad...
haiz....

i thought after this i can rest welll... cause for the whole week i have nv slpet for more than 3 hrs a dae... somemore was sick on mondae got to go hospital in the nite...

somemore on wed i'm going for operation on my knees... there is onli 75% success rate.. i dunno how.. but i think i will take it... haiz.. can't seem to slp... haiz
i dunno y i felt like this but i am,
feeling tt i have done something wrong by look at ur reply..
i i know u r very tired...
or maybe is me whu thinks too much..
i have been trying to help to think of ways to help.. but i still cannot get the solution and i haven told u , and tt wat i scared. u going to be sina and cannot sleep well..
tt the reason y i dun wan to tell u i am sick too..
but i know is ping whu tell u i dun blame him cause he know how much u mean to me.
i'm just blaming myself tt i am useless.. now my left arm is like totally no strength.. sian.. and i stil got things to help in.. i afraid tt this will failed and i dun wan it to fail..
back home..
just feel like blogging..
nth much even thought in my brain i think there is aleast a hundred things i wan to blog about..
but firstly is my keyboard is giving me problems... i got to retype the word dunno how any times then it get corrected...
but i dun think i will blog everything out since no pl will actually look at these..
i think???

actually wat i wan to blog about is just one thing...
i just wan u to live happy with ur life...
not worrying about wat ppl think even me..
cause wat ever u do as long as it make sense and u dun regret it.. practically i dun object or say nag to u..
as long as u think about it..
tt wat i always hope for you..

i dun think i will blog about other stuff ba...
kind of relief feeling come into me these few dae.. so ok ba.
ppl please get plenty of rest...
dun fall sick...
is in GOOD MOOD TODAE...
still ok la... haha.. even thought i was just studying..
even thought form next week onward i got to wake up at 4.30 everydae to study...
but ytd i was happy.. i get to see ur face in close range again.. even though it is something i shouldn't do..
just to put it simply.. I"M HAPPPY CAUSE OF U~~ lala
wake up with just 3 hrs of slp but not feeling tired lol..

had a strange dream just now... meet her but lost my army secret stuff.. army too stress le ba.. lolz

this week kind of like blur blur to pass ba..

from mondae dunno y head had been spinning until ytd.. eating dunno how many panodol a dae, dun really rmb things.. super short term memory..

then wed morning went for my trainning safty officer course which last 3 day..
wed morning still okok.. until about lunch time ping call me, where i am not suppose to use my phone. he say urgent in sms so i pick up. during my break, whu know he pop this kind of news to me.. but then wat i can say, not tt i dun wan to care is tt without him telling me.. i will be the last person on earth to know ba..
but still i called. when the call is not answer i was like an ant on a hot pot. dunno wat to do. go back to class with my phone on, it rang and i just pick it up.
my sir look so stunt at me but after i hang up i kena scold until like dunno wat... plus tt dae the test i got onli 56% when i always get 90 and above...

wed i dunno how i walk but almost fall down twice in just 5 min time.

thurs was like hell of a great spin.. head was really in pain and spinning around but is till got to go for the course.. but aleast i get 64% this time around but still i kena scold...

fri.. nv go for course cause going to the police station. but i take the test early in the morning i spend my time reading on it on thurs nite. finally manage to get a 92%... so sir is still happy about it.. then i went to the police station with my father and bro. due to the case which is about 1 year ago le ba.. wack my neighbour thing la..stupid de la.. i waited at police station for like 3 hrs to see the stupid police to tell me i get warning for 12 month.. with a stupid attidue then i am pissed of for the dae.. really pissed off... then went to hospital got to wait again.. dunno wat is my nurse so busy about... maybe i was just not in the mood la.. she talk to me i also nv say much her jokes not funny... sorry...
then went to see the doc, gave me 1 injection one each knee.. fucking pain.. then got to lie on the bed for 2 hrs before i can go.. so wait again ba...

reached home damn sian and pissed off..
actually i am really grate and gald tt u talk to me... ia m sorry tt i am still in tt mood.. my temper have been going from bad to worst le... gettitng pissed off easily nowadae... now is alot better le after long long talk with cum.. from like 12mn to 6 in the morning..lolz
dunno wat to say.. but i cannot see facebook all the time, i am just nobody to u but i care.. please let me know...
i really dunno wat had gotten into me for this few daes..
cannot get to slp and work problem come in...
haiz...
drink lots of coffee and drink to keep myself working.
talking to chunyip and ping really helps.. thanks bros...
sorry but i really cannot do the way u all ask to..=)
but then i have clear my mind just now wahile walking at jp...
i really stupid stupid me, sorry sorry for gifing u tt attitude.
once again tml is mondae..
later got to go back camp.. another stupid 5 daes..
onli looking forward to weekend...
last week pass really fast ba.. but enjoyed, dun even feel tired even thought i was like busy??
haha.. FIRST OF ALL

HAPPY BIRTHDAE TO GERALDINE LEE...

haha.. ya i had given the present to her really hope tt she like it. cause i tried new things instead of just buying.
haha like the walking bear. search for it high and low for like 6 months, onlne, oversea, shop cannot find it.
lucky to be finally found at marine square arcade. those grabing machine, whcih i nv play b4.
haha but then make tt effort to try cause i need it badly, haha. lots of ppl looking at me la..it not like play once then got it le... tt 40 mins there grabbing feel like 3 years there. then i can even sweat when it's ar-con palce and not moving at all.haha
cumber knows this feeling too cause after me is him.. haha but diff things.

find liqour store for tt 3l martell was hard too.. but ttt wat i wan..lolz. 21 lei.. wothout something tt can stunt ppl is like not fair. haha

then goes the flower. sad lo.. the auntie still disturb me.. say 1st time buy flower ar? so shy meh? still ask about my age lo.. say i 22 liao nv gif flower b4 meh.. wth de auntie..nvm i still happy with the flower she sell it to me.. haha even thought she is stunt by my order. such a big order.haha 21 flower...hahaha
bits and pieces of thing here and there but i feel tt everything i do is worth it.
just by looking at her smile when the dae the event held. =)

still got to say thanks you to her for letting me to be a part of her important step in her life.. THANKS YOU!!!

P.S not just 5 years.. it will still goes on and on..=)
suddenly i just think of 28 july 2004..haha
tt dae i tell myself lots of stuffs...
from tt dae to todae i done alot of stupid things along the way..
but i learn from ppl.. listen and now i am here..
haha.. looking back is funny...
where else.. i dun see me losing those important ppl around me...
ppl maybe just be a bypasser in my life..but then all these ppl build me from bits and pieces..
i know things i do ppl may not agree.. but i know tt there r ppl standing by me..
i know whu they are and i really wan them to know whu u really r..
i tried to help u all as much as possible but forgive me if i did it the wrong way or it is not within my abilitly to..
i ain't no superman.. but
i choke chong hwee here...
with just one message or phonecall..
i will do my best either to be there or try to help things out or talk to u about facts, even finding ppl tt can help u within my range..or by my own ways...=)
so actually there is nth for u all to hide from me.. i am not tt bad ba... hope ppl will tell the truth... thanks you very much..
i cherish all the ppl being in my life now or past even future.. THANKS YOU!

todae wasn't a gd dae...
due to morning my colleague give my cock up work early in the morning which i need to solve.
lot of phone calls doing lots of shit work..
then come this power one liao...
tml nite got exercise which once again i am the safty officer again.. got to follow.
the exercise is from 9p.m to 3a.m.. then after 3 i will need to fall in parade square by 4a.m. going to get COA but whu care about this stupid cerf...
todae damn sian. i tried all my SAR21 using pen-test.. over 120 guns la.. test the whole afternoon.. tired like fuck..
then went to cut hair.. damn stupid.. gosfather can ask yeo stop following me... i say le i dun wan anyone to follow me and i a at boon lay la... i dun wan anyone to know la... tt idiot... whu already got square top already still go in barber shop just to dig the ear!!! knn... i was trying to throw all the coin to uncle and he say nvm he will pay for me.. wa lau lei.. then uncle give me the strange look... then he told me cause i nv use there de money so look poor... KNN..
i told u le godfather i will not touch there de money even thought i have help u all to earn alot.. but tt is helping u.. which u have been taking care of me very well..
damn sian..
ya sorry godfather.. i dun mean to make u worry about my health. i know u r the one to make me go throught yearly health test. cause u know i nv take care of myself one..
i try to la... no worry u know me de.. i nv die so early de la....=X
haha.
one thing.. STOP SENDING ME THOSE SUPPLEMENT CARD AND CREDIT CARD LA...
u know i will nv used it la..
please la...
i will visit u once i got my time.. think nov ba.. i see how it is.. bring her to see u ok??
not a comfirm answer here...
u enjoy urself.. and dun scold me too fast ok.. u see ur own report.. i also have ur one ok...
take care.. bear they all will help u la...=)
sorry la bro i spell wrongly..
u dun say ma.. later ur gf see liao i can say is not you.. you damn dumb la....

bro no worries la.. i choke dun die tt easy one..
and i dehydrate until i faint for 30 mins todae....=X
but i still nv go doc cause they thought i slping..hahahahha gd actor lei....haha

bro another thing... i need the full detailed report asap...
i'm reading the dae report now... still ok lei... but the wbc and the hormoes got something not tt right even though id not tt high.. and the level is low... i need to see the SLDK scan and the HGFY blood chart... ask godfather tt side faster can?? kind of in a rush... but dun send me tml.. i not at home..

tml actually i can get off one... but i got to do my duty at nite.. so i not at home la... dun send me... i still need to read up more on the report la.. ig o first anything just call me..
ALRED!!!
DUNNO is whu give whose no to ppl lo...=X
u knn..=X

ok la first thing... i dunno y but i am having heavy dehydration these few daes..
aleast also vomit thrice a dae.. and it's all water...
dun feel like going to see DOC also..

second. NTU senior lecture call me todae...
asking me whether am i interested to become lecture in the NTU after the 6 years course they going to give me which include going for researh and lecture class in uni of london for the last 2 years and be back to be an lecture in NTU for math and engineer..
the onli things tt make me interested is actually onli tt i will stay in singapore and work..

actually i am still tihnking... 3 years of work in singapore first then study or 4 years of study there and work there... or go for laws or others courses...
i onli got one factor. tt is onli her...
i may not be the one right beside her..
but i will be the one whu will be there when even called..
may think tt this sound stupid.. but to me it's worth it..
tt y godfather and my bro have nv put me together with my actual years old...
i am just 22.. but they always say u think and behave like an 40 years old man...
haha maybe tt my actual age ba... one year got 2 birthdae ma.. hahaahhahahh
one english one chinese...hahahaha

Bros i actually got one request... please take care of godfather. i know u all will do it even if i dun say it... but u all know he old man but always appear happy and act like kid... but u all know he is like me neglect his own health one.. onli godmother and ask him eat medi one.. bro tell u secret do it like me.. haha cannot post here he will see.... later i message u all... ahahaha...

bros i end my course for tis term liao.. nth to study liao.... should i take night class??? if not at home emo meh?.. =X... bros please take care of godmother and godfather for me... i know it's always the other way round... haha...

ok bro u guys take care too... godfather know the result of the blood test tell me... i wan full detailed one! ty.. u know whose one i referring to.. cause whu tell u faster than me.. u knn
bro and godfather... i felt lost here..
u all ahve always been telling me wat u all believe i can do..
but nv once u all told me stop.. u can't do these...
but i am lost.. i'm feeling like a child..
need help but yet i can't voice it out...
yes u r rite!
u all know it onli her...
i dunno wat she thinks every moment...
urge to know everything tt concern her..
but i know i am in no palce to ask all these..
u all may say it's old fashion.. but to me i learn it this way..
not mine i nv touch... nv cross tt line...
always tries to be polite...
so in the end like wat alfred say i will be getting a " hao ren card"
but i just need her smile.... simply smile...
but behind every smiles... i always sense something wrong some where...
am i thinking too much???

she just keep popping into my head and visual every now and then.. just like it became a necessarily le...
maybe it's so call poison...
time is the onli thing tt heal and kills...
this week is not a good week for me...
slpless nite was a killer...
bored to death...
worried???
angry???
down??
emo??
dunno wat even happen...
this life ba...
not everything can be accounted for...
ya.. ytd...
since bear also know le... he tag b4 i can even post...
bro i know u all r not here..
i am still whu i am...
u know wat i can do to this kind of ppl..
so no worry la.. i am alwyas end everything without a scratch ..


ytd doesn't have anything to do...
so last min think of going back to warehouse to pray since it's 7th month also.. i haven pray yet..
after tt drink alone there.... then ppl call me..
tell me tt idiot is in dragonfly...
so got to go down settle him...
so i go lo... it's been long time since i used my fist..
i was not feeling anything when it just connected to his face..
like always the bouncer will just see..
settle le then since few cam mates was at double o so go there wahile lo.. to see them drunk..
try to drink with them but there r like so high.. then i send one drunk campmate home... cause he shut the dj's laptop sia..

after all i am still moodless ba.. dun ask me why.. i haven been wondering...
bro i think u all know wat happen liao..
cause one by one u all r calling me...
my temper suck la... no comment liao..
i know u all will come out with some physoc to physoc me one la...
u all have been well.. putting me in the dark....
making me free so upright or wat ever.. but i'm not la...
utterly disappointed with myself...
bro stop calling ba.. i will not answer de..
left me alone ba...
ok i am back here..
firstly my birthdae.. just like any other dae...
the nite b4 my birthdae.. went to marina bay sand to drink with alderson..
talk alot to me... cause godfather tell me damn lots of things about me... aleazst he talk sense to me la...i happy tt he gave me advices... but unhappy with the girls.... i can't live with girls around man... please..
ok then my birthdae ba.... went out with geraldine, sufyan, james, cumber, berlinda and shuinan. went to grand haytt .... ate the buffet.. and is like soso la.. lol ok la not bad... nv eat much ba... dunno wat i thinking also... always so stressed out.. thanks geraldine for the wallet, sufyan for treating, james for the wallet even thought i nv use... shuinan for the shirt... after tt went to meet kelyn at jp.. thanks for the cake.. then went to central la kopi again ba.. haha then went back home...
went to Switzerland to meet godfather and bros... went at 3a.m..
went there bear fetch me....
once i alight from the car.. i was drag in by them and pin down..
kena kissed by all their gfs... SIANS LA...
i dun like tt la...
cause i onli like one person kiss,, LOLZ.. lame me..
ya all of them was suaning me all the way.. cause all of them are in pairs...
onli me... kena suan until i super sian...
lot of presents but i nv vring back... haha.. cause i onli need one wallet will do.. hee..
godfather always have things for me to think about everytime i meet him...
no matter how hard we try... he will always aleast have an 30 mins serioue talk with me..
i know wat u wan.. but i can't..
i am just 22 and i am still in NS..
i know u like her alot..
i can't afford anything for her..
no compromise and nth..
nth i can gif her..
i have no right to ask her also..
if i got nth like now how to jio her?
and u think i tom cruise meh..
somemore i ugly... i got all the disadvantage...
godfather i am stress up... not onli about me.. and i am always worrying about her..
it just wouldn't get out of my head..
bro since i am free at home.. i came here to do so soul refreshing...
i kind of hate myself, my temper, my weight, my size... just myself..
i was dulan just now with cum's problems.... cause tt happen to me b4 so i know the damn feeling...
and i told her abit it... she ask me dun dunlan and i reply how not to dulan..
fuck la... then come no reply.. fucking felt the regretful ....
now also dunno how... fucking sian lo...
me and my fault... y my temper like tt.. bro how?
i tired of myself.... i need someone... no wat i need is just her....
but like wat sometimes u all will hint me... ppl got their choices..
bro.. ppl r meant to have dreams.. and she is one big part of it..
u all know how important she is...
bo bian.. u all r my most trusted ppl le.. tt y need to ask u all go bangkok.. i know it's hard... i'm sorry after NS i will make it up back to u all... sorry...

and sorry to u....it's my bad to answer like tt.. sorry..
BROS.. like wat u all have told me... this blog i think u all r the onli ones tt read... so i think about it. why do i have to hide u guys from others... ok bros.. u all can comment and talk here le... =)

Still thanks alot bros... rmb to go drunk after my birthdae man... ask godfather where he wan drink... u all take care... i think most of u r on holidae or working ba.. but i dun have the time to meet u all... i'm very sorry bros....
was home the whole day.. cause i was forced to take off.. i have over 40 daes off... and just nice todae i dun have any task in hand so my boss forced me to take off.. haha..
but an off dae is not east to pass man...
even thought i slept at 1 ytd...and wake up at 12 todae..is the longest i have slpet.. but i keep waking up in the middle... i dun feel like i have take the 11 hrs slp...
haha.. nvm
the later part of the day i was making phone call here and there...
settle the ppl in bangkok... bo bian asked them for a big flavour... still got to talk more to make them happy and willing to help me...
heee actually i came here is because while i was surfing aimlessly on the web i found this...

The problem stemmed from a difference in approach. To many men a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. Mark thought he was reassuring Eve by telling her there was something she could do about her scar. But often women are looking for emotional support, not solutions.

When my mother tells my father she doesn't feel well, he invariably offers to take her to the doctor. Invariably, she is disappointed with his reaction. Like many men, he is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.

i am just like a normal man, telling the solution, however after looking at these i kind of like understand why i keep getting the reply SIAN.. or something same.. but i dunno wat to text back.. kind of need to read more ba.. haha or someone can tell me???? heee
todae every shit tt can fall on a person fall on me..
ytd nite.. first step into this shit dae...
i dream of myself dead.. in my own funereal, onli got godpa, bear, alfread, gamer, phyco, ite and chunyip.
not even my family is there.. is like i also dunno wat to say it just wake me u at 2 when i start to slp at 12.30.
nvm then come second one.. cannot get to slp so prepare for my mock test. then wat i study did not come out for the test.. sian liao lo... after then result come back 60%.. wth...
also nvm.. next... go out to ns.. take lift until downstair forget to bring ez-link card... go back take.. then in lift see one siao uncle.. knn smoke in lift.. ccb..
nvm... then go busstop.. wait for 240 wait fucking long...
nvm... then got on bus find a sit, sat down.. one auntie brought laska on bus packet one.. dunno whu will wan to eat laska early the the morning sia... then cause bus pack she sit beside me.. then got one uncle push until her hand.. her laska fall then kena my shoe and jeans... early in the morning...
nvm... reach jp faster go toilet wash... then toliet got ppl shit.. fucking smelly...
nvm... then went to take camp bus.. just saw the bus.. it went off.. i am late liao lo..
nvm... go camp.. first thing late kena fuck
nvm... hope the other will be ok.. then coem call me here and there knn.
nvm... when i doing secret with my friend, maj call.. ask the guy doing with u malay ar? i say yes.. he say malay canot touch secret.. WTH.. then ask e everything do myself..
nvm.. i do... do for like very 10 min he call me do this do that like i very free like tt..
nvm.. then i neeed to rush all this by fri cause mon course start... if not fri i no need go home liao... then he keep adding more workload on me..
nvm.. then forget lunch..
nvm.. wan to buy redbull... sold out...
nvm.. forget it go back my room do.... air-con spoil....knn
nvm.. end up and with lots of paper and pen knife cuts..
nvm.. do until 5 thoguht can go home rest awhile... then sir see me say choke.. edwin mess up the AIOC returning of books... help him out.. wth.. meaning i stay back to help...
nvm.. then all the sir all look for me give me all sort of stupid reason for missing books and lost pages...
nvm.. finally can go home.. changed.. wan to step out of office... another student coem gif me shit...
nvm.. do lo.. walk out of sdc.. nvm tuck in shirt.. kena from warrant officer cb...
nvm.. walk cross sdc... door closed...
nvm.. walk one big round.. reach busstop get on the bus no ppl... press the bell..uncle dun wan stop de lei...passed one busstop...
nvm.. i walk back.. while walking to shuinan house downstair de busstop.. dunno how i kick one stupid stone and fall down..
nvm.. saw the busstop missed 99... and ping in the bus too...
nvm.. reach home wan use com.. both com bro use..
nvm.. then wan to eat dinner whole dae nv eat.. mum cook all those i dun like one..
nvm.. go bath.. fall down in bathroom..
nvm.. sit down dun wan move.. father scolding me y nv help mum do this do tt...
after allt his shit happen just in a dae.. u think is this a dae???
todae is a really dunno wat dae???
i 'm confused here.. really..
am i wrong??? wrong pls tell me... someone
fucking scold me or wat... tell me i'm in wrong..
really felt useless...
first time trying my really best to help but i still failed!
waking up at 7 just to go down to alfred house to wear my business suit. where i dun touch it at all...
then when down damn early when i am suppose to meet him at 9.. reach at 8...
while waiting think of all the things i can say to him..
however he keep wanting me to join his sch.. wtf la... first i dun study their courses.
second why is it tt u got space for me and her when u dun have space for her??? bulllshit la....
talk to him for 1 and a half hours.. still can't.. then he got to leave... and it's start pouring... get on a cab get to alfred house the way from the road to his house. i was really down... drench in the pouring rain.. feeling so heavy like nv before...
really felt very bad...
haiz....

i thought after this i can rest welll... cause for the whole week i have nv slpet for more than 3 hrs a dae... somemore was sick on mondae got to go hospital in the nite...

somemore on wed i'm going for operation on my knees... there is onli 75% success rate.. i dunno how.. but i think i will take it... haiz.. can't seem to slp... haiz
i dunno y i felt like this but i am,
feeling tt i have done something wrong by look at ur reply..
i i know u r very tired...
or maybe is me whu thinks too much..
i have been trying to help to think of ways to help.. but i still cannot get the solution and i haven told u , and tt wat i scared. u going to be sina and cannot sleep well..
tt the reason y i dun wan to tell u i am sick too..
but i know is ping whu tell u i dun blame him cause he know how much u mean to me.
i'm just blaming myself tt i am useless.. now my left arm is like totally no strength.. sian.. and i stil got things to help in.. i afraid tt this will failed and i dun wan it to fail..
back home..
just feel like blogging..
nth much even thought in my brain i think there is aleast a hundred things i wan to blog about..
but firstly is my keyboard is giving me problems... i got to retype the word dunno how any times then it get corrected...
but i dun think i will blog everything out since no pl will actually look at these..
i think???

actually wat i wan to blog about is just one thing...
i just wan u to live happy with ur life...
not worrying about wat ppl think even me..
cause wat ever u do as long as it make sense and u dun regret it.. practically i dun object or say nag to u..
as long as u think about it..
tt wat i always hope for you..

i dun think i will blog about other stuff ba...
kind of relief feeling come into me these few dae.. so ok ba.
ppl please get plenty of rest...
dun fall sick...
is in GOOD MOOD TODAE...
still ok la... haha.. even thought i was just studying..
even thought form next week onward i got to wake up at 4.30 everydae to study...
but ytd i was happy.. i get to see ur face in close range again.. even though it is something i shouldn't do..
just to put it simply.. I"M HAPPPY CAUSE OF U~~ lala
wake up with just 3 hrs of slp but not feeling tired lol..

had a strange dream just now... meet her but lost my army secret stuff.. army too stress le ba.. lolz

this week kind of like blur blur to pass ba..

from mondae dunno y head had been spinning until ytd.. eating dunno how many panodol a dae, dun really rmb things.. super short term memory..

then wed morning went for my trainning safty officer course which last 3 day..
wed morning still okok.. until about lunch time ping call me, where i am not suppose to use my phone. he say urgent in sms so i pick up. during my break, whu know he pop this kind of news to me.. but then wat i can say, not tt i dun wan to care is tt without him telling me.. i will be the last person on earth to know ba..
but still i called. when the call is not answer i was like an ant on a hot pot. dunno wat to do. go back to class with my phone on, it rang and i just pick it up.
my sir look so stunt at me but after i hang up i kena scold until like dunno wat... plus tt dae the test i got onli 56% when i always get 90 and above...

wed i dunno how i walk but almost fall down twice in just 5 min time.

thurs was like hell of a great spin.. head was really in pain and spinning around but is till got to go for the course.. but aleast i get 64% this time around but still i kena scold...

fri.. nv go for course cause going to the police station. but i take the test early in the morning i spend my time reading on it on thurs nite. finally manage to get a 92%... so sir is still happy about it.. then i went to the police station with my father and bro. due to the case which is about 1 year ago le ba.. wack my neighbour thing la..stupid de la.. i waited at police station for like 3 hrs to see the stupid police to tell me i get warning for 12 month.. with a stupid attidue then i am pissed of for the dae.. really pissed off... then went to hospital got to wait again.. dunno wat is my nurse so busy about... maybe i was just not in the mood la.. she talk to me i also nv say much her jokes not funny... sorry...
then went to see the doc, gave me 1 injection one each knee.. fucking pain.. then got to lie on the bed for 2 hrs before i can go.. so wait again ba...

reached home damn sian and pissed off..
actually i am really grate and gald tt u talk to me... ia m sorry tt i am still in tt mood.. my temper have been going from bad to worst le... gettitng pissed off easily nowadae... now is alot better le after long long talk with cum.. from like 12mn to 6 in the morning..lolz
dunno wat to say.. but i cannot see facebook all the time, i am just nobody to u but i care.. please let me know...
i really dunno wat had gotten into me for this few daes..
cannot get to slp and work problem come in...
haiz...
drink lots of coffee and drink to keep myself working.
talking to chunyip and ping really helps.. thanks bros...
sorry but i really cannot do the way u all ask to..=)
but then i have clear my mind just now wahile walking at jp...
i really stupid stupid me, sorry sorry for gifing u tt attitude.
once again tml is mondae..
later got to go back camp.. another stupid 5 daes..
onli looking forward to weekend...
last week pass really fast ba.. but enjoyed, dun even feel tired even thought i was like busy??
haha.. FIRST OF ALL

HAPPY BIRTHDAE TO GERALDINE LEE...

haha.. ya i had given the present to her really hope tt she like it. cause i tried new things instead of just buying.
haha like the walking bear. search for it high and low for like 6 months, onlne, oversea, shop cannot find it.
lucky to be finally found at marine square arcade. those grabing machine, whcih i nv play b4.
haha but then make tt effort to try cause i need it badly, haha. lots of ppl looking at me la..it not like play once then got it le... tt 40 mins there grabbing feel like 3 years there. then i can even sweat when it's ar-con palce and not moving at all.haha
cumber knows this feeling too cause after me is him.. haha but diff things.

find liqour store for tt 3l martell was hard too.. but ttt wat i wan..lolz. 21 lei.. wothout something tt can stunt ppl is like not fair. haha

then goes the flower. sad lo.. the auntie still disturb me.. say 1st time buy flower ar? so shy meh? still ask about my age lo.. say i 22 liao nv gif flower b4 meh.. wth de auntie..nvm i still happy with the flower she sell it to me.. haha even thought she is stunt by my order. such a big order.haha 21 flower...hahaha
bits and pieces of thing here and there but i feel tt everything i do is worth it.
just by looking at her smile when the dae the event held. =)

still got to say thanks you to her for letting me to be a part of her important step in her life.. THANKS YOU!!!

P.S not just 5 years.. it will still goes on and on..=)
suddenly i just think of 28 july 2004..haha
tt dae i tell myself lots of stuffs...
from tt dae to todae i done alot of stupid things along the way..
but i learn from ppl.. listen and now i am here..
haha.. looking back is funny...
where else.. i dun see me losing those important ppl around me...
ppl maybe just be a bypasser in my life..but then all these ppl build me from bits and pieces..
i know things i do ppl may not agree.. but i know tt there r ppl standing by me..
i know whu they are and i really wan them to know whu u really r..
i tried to help u all as much as possible but forgive me if i did it the wrong way or it is not within my abilitly to..
i ain't no superman.. but
i choke chong hwee here...
with just one message or phonecall..
i will do my best either to be there or try to help things out or talk to u about facts, even finding ppl tt can help u within my range..or by my own ways...=)
so actually there is nth for u all to hide from me.. i am not tt bad ba... hope ppl will tell the truth... thanks you very much..
i cherish all the ppl being in my life now or past even future.. THANKS YOU!

Choke Chong Hwee...
HaRpEr
DeAtHkNiGhT
Alot of nick names..
08081988
started to protect. om 28 july =)
Choker8@hotmail.com
CPS=>BLSS=>NP(ME)=>Army
LeO
DrAgOn
SaMsUnG L760
LaMer
NiTe CaTs
RoTtEr
BrO To EnD
LoNeR
DrInKeR
BaRTeNdEr
BaLlEr


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» this time is really a long time since i had blog.....
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