i am actually missing u alot here...

just when i digging my head into my work just now..
while my friend was talking..
i heard this "yi shui si yuan"...
the onli thing tt pop into me is you..
this is wat i use to played ur name with when i first met u..
kind of feeling very bad..
i keep asking myself..
is this really wat i wan??
but y am i feel so down??
anyone can give me the answer?
i'm a person whu dun like guesses and beating around the bush..
can someone just pop in my face and tell me???
if this is really gd for her, y am i feeling this bad??



another things.. bear i found the way of settling them le...
simply since they wan my seat tt much..
i will give it to them..
yes give it to them...
see whether they can do it properly???
tell boss tt i'm sorry i cannot handle them...
i dun wan to go the ruthless way.. if not i will just be like the old time gansters or them...
i wan to change all this shit...
no more shit ah beng...


and then melvin.. i will full mob ur car on fridae nite all the way to sat..
sorry i drag so long...
all the parts i will install it myself...
i will tune for u also...

now back to myself..
in camp.. but really bored...
dunno wat have gotten back into me??
i started to vomit again.. just now..
maybe is the martell tt i drink??
i dunno also..
but somehow i am craving for more..
ok ba.. about time to go do my patrol liao...

anything u all wan find me just call me ba..
if not just call my office 6799 7687...
this phone is onli i listen one...
everywhere is go everyone i meet, just ask about her...
even work place...

even when i was destroying cd, i thought of her..
which i end up having a deep cut on my finger..

she is a friend a really close friend...
but then...things happen...
i doesn't wan this to happen but it will..
speaking all these i think will make it to some misunderstanding or something bad again ba..

i just to say..
i lost my aim and dreams..
ppl dreams cause they can nv have it...

like godfather say, no one will stay by ur side if u nv put in the extra mile for them...
tt y ba. i onli walk a metre onli...

got to go back work le...
and it's duty tonite... haiz..
i really dunno wat i wan and aim here...

lost my aim le...

sian...
haiz..
tml duty..
actually...i dunno wat sia..
i hurt my heels..
cause my shoe is spoil...
the cut... sianz...

godfather call me now and then..
i dunno weather to listen to him anot..
really..

i dunno.. confused...haiz...
work sucks too... totally no mood...
can't even slp...
plus the red shoulder... it hurts..

and i can't figure out the solution to my problems...
everyone got their own ways of handling things...
and i got to much factors...

and my gandma is starting to irrates me...
every five min she will have things to ask me...
zzzzzzzzzz.... arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
just back again.. after going out to blah blah and blah...

cause when i got one problems up my head.. all problems will pop out again..
i hard life...this is wat i say..
home problems.. work problems.. outside problems...
tons of problems and i dunno how to solve...
asking for advice is not an option...
cause everyone is different..
got their own thinking and so..
and i can't solve problems...

all these causes my health to be this bad...
i dun wan all these to happen...
thinking about all these gives me headach..
and just barely 2 hrs of slp daily???
i really wan to ahve a full 8 hours slp..
even if i slp early.. i will just end up waking up thinking about all these problems..
and the very sad thing is tt i can ask noone..
even if i wan to share i got to think of him and her status..
i dun wan to give them problems...
i dunno how long i can substain myself...

i dun dare to think about future..
i dun dare to think for myself..
i here and there...
i just feel then i am even worthless than a shit...
just back froma whole dae of outing with james, yan, cum and nan..
fun enough..
same non stop laughing..
great to eat yan mother cooking again.. it's damn nice but there is too much..
we can't finish..

tanning session from 11 to 4...
now my shoulder and arm is like red chili crab...

broke my slippers at harbourfront..
then bought a new one.. and it is yellow... first time getting yellow slippers..
then bugis..
then back home...
tired and hot now..
but i just dun feel like slping..

it not tt i got nth to talk to u..
there is ton of things then comes in my mind to ask u or nag at u...
but i just dun wan to get the misunderstand again..
it felt tt i am in wrong giving the wrong messages..
wat i mean was there is no one to nag at me other than you and godfather..
i nv say u can't..
i actually prefer u to nag.. but...
the next time tt come in mind is tt.. the lesser i talk...
the lesser misunderstanding occur..
i need tt care.. but i dun wan to cross the line..

u r attached... not tt is atttach to him.. even any other one..
i can't just do it the same as u were single..
ur bf is not a idiot..
i dun wan to be the source..
same i will be there.. but i will not know anything unless u told me..
for todae...
strangely i feel very much like drinking...
but then chunyip decided not to go todae..as ber is at his house..
and ping got to acc ling..
so for the very first time i went out drink alone~
when to dragonfly.. this time with no one other than myself..
standard warm up was 2 bottles of martell..
then carry on by cordon blu..
and at the end i drank 12 bottle in total...woah..
but was not high at all..
all the while was alone drinking..
and this time i get into trouble at dragonfly..
dunno wat get into me tt i lost my cool todae..normal daes with other i was always the one cooling ppl down..
todae i fight with 2 guys..
cause they wanted to take my bottle then i say no..
wanted to drink together but i say no..
then he start scolding my"gf"..
which i know i dun have..
but i just can't control todae...
punch them real hard.. and they bleed...
too bad before i can continue the bouncer pull them off and ask me to cool down..
then come the manager chris..
saying sorry and all the bullshit..
he also dunno y got these 2 idiot in the members area and near my table..zzzz
talk cock to me..
but i lazy to entertain him.. ask him to go off...
then i go off also..
just nice the music stop..
so here i am now..home sweet home..

and got to wake up at 9.
cause meet yan they all to sentosa..
and i miss yan's mother cooking..
haha later get to eat lo...weeeee
got to go to try and rest now..
or later u will see zombie walking...
here just to say sorry..
sorry melvin.. get u in trouble again...
sorry i wasn't concentrating on tunning just now..
and drifting..
the front part tt crash in i will pay no worry...
i crash one.. sorry tt u got to take public transport for tml..
sorry melvin...
Winty, dun need to do these ba...

no use crying over spilled milk..

be happy go find ur bear bear..=)

y use my blog...zzzz

forget it...

drinking on fri nite...

dun care place and ppl... I'm DRINKING...

leg pain.. due to bb last nite.. sian.. lost my touch liao la...
fucked~
i just woke up, very tired~

opps forget this isn't my blog~

Hi, people =), i'm Winty here~

actually i here to say something:

Geraldine, i'm sorry for insulting you. Sorry for talking behind your back. I knew the pain of people talking behind your back. This is the only point of contact choke allows me to talk to you.

Choke, Thanks for talking reasons and factors to me for over 2 weeks. sorry choke i take all your sleeping time away for 2 wks. T-T. Thanks you for letting me understand what is happening. And letting me know how much bear had given in for me. =)

Dearest Bear, Dear I LOVE YOU~ now i know how much you love me. =P Love you 4ever. =D

Sorry choke let me use your blog.=P
Take Care Please~ =D
I AM BORED...
VERY BORED...
MISSES~

haiz... dunno wat to do even on a half dae off...
no ppl nth to do..
my desktop is down..
montior down again...
think i over power it again.. super sian...
no games and no study for me now...zzzzz

i dunno understand relationship...
like ping.. ytd was quarrel with ling about betrayled and tonnes of stupid stuffs..
ask for beek ytd..
todae thought wanted to be a good enough friend so called him after my work..
he was slping.. and the next time is ling is beside him...
the first thing tt come to my mind is ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ytd u were talking like u hate her so much and then>?????
todae she sleep at ur house...
dun understand at all....

think tt is wat ppl call love ba..
maybe????
whu knows???
i sure dunno!!!

arhhh... damn sian la...
going crazy soon..
bear u settle ar...
i dunno wat to say...
ty bro..
todae is sat...
is just like a normal sat..
but dun feel normal at all..
got strange strange de feeling..

dun feel like studying at all...
even though exam is coming soon...
went online to look at national basketball team de blog..
tons of things happen about my leg dislocated...
then lost interest in it too...
went to look at hot stuffs book whihc is all about cars..
which is my second interested thing..
look not even 10 pages.. dun feel like reading le..
kind of lost interest in lots of things nowadae...

feel that there is a strong need for me to upgrade nmyself..
been reading a book on how to listen and talk porperly..

nth to do..
thinking tonite go work ba..
like wat u say i am not the one getting scolded... i will nv understand..
correct.. i have nv been through wat u have been..
cause i always go i think.. and i thought u think this and so..
is like the u think i thought whu comfirm? thing...
i have nv go through ur stage..
just like the way u nv gone through mine..
i have no rights to comment no right to say.. tt the onli thing i can say to ask u to believe..
and so on...

just thing i wan to make clear...
i nv wanted u to be repeat the same thing...
i really mean u will be happy with him..
i dun wan to see u sad..


ya fred... just the way u think i am... ty for reminding...
running away is not a solution...
this is wat i have always do..
and i dun wan to..but was forced too..
cause i am too afraid to ..

da sao.. i scolded u is not because of i standing which side..
is i cannot take it tt you are scolding the person whu have done nthing wrong..
hope u will understand..
bear called me..
dun put the anger on him..
is me.. he will go on a millions ways just to see you happy..
dun make him sad just because of me..


btw glad tt u found the one for you..
he can bring miracles for you which noone does..
dun need to care wat other said about u..
believe in urself.. tt wat i wrote on ur 21 birthdae book..
cause u r easily influence by others no matter whu..
so please listen to urself.. believe in urself and also him..
Please be happy..=)
and still anything tt i can help just tell me..=)
it 12 plus i going to meet boss they all soon b4 they going off again..

first thing first...
Winty dun be angry with bear and of course her..
bear say tt because his char is the nearest to mine..
wat we really wan is to see our loved ones happy..
he understand this point very well..
so when u all r saying wat u all r ytd nite..

first... think of her... does she really need tis kind of treatment??
second.. me??? where did u put me when u all say those???
third and last.. where did u put bear, my bros and u urself???

winty i treat u as my elder sis..
i understand y u r angry... but is none of her fault ok?

still sick here..
cough until like blood is coming out..
lung going out of air..
so since tonite got be with god father and bros b4 they go tml getting mc lo..
things happen this weekend with godfather and gang back..

shall update tml or wat ba.. my arm r still not working well after fri's 16 jabs..=(
i am very sick now.. since ytd when doing duty...
biw with high fever.. last measured 39.5...
block nose, sore throat...headach also... damn sian...
ytd duty was like sux, i dun even know wat i'm doing...
in the morning.. when i went to wash up.. the ops room got no ppl then my sir come in..
see no one as my other guard wwent to surf web.. so i kena lo...
damn fuck tub...
nvm tt doesn't concern.. head very dizzy...
cannot intake fod todae at all.. sorry...

try to rest now ba.. since no one is asking me out also...
later need to take up at 4 to meet godfather..
ya think trouble is on the way..
got to face it...
it's kind of like late le =X
here to blog...

todae was my off dae plus hospital dae...
morning was just pure rotting at home plus reading up..
then afternnon went to hospital with cum and ping for my report..
as expected.. the report sux..
bla here and there.. more doc to see...
then went back...
went to eat at boon lay... seee i got eat ok....
even though it's like my first meal..at around 6 plus..=X
went home.. and i know wat happen..=)
same thing...zzzzz

after tt play some games and read up..
went to shoot balls with ping..
after tt is still chatting..
i really need chatting.. i need advice and thinking..
i need ppl to ttell me wat they think... am i doing it rite or wrong..

like ytd nite where almost all my bros gf/wife called... on conference call..
all telling me reason tt i am not gd....
i glad tt they tell me.. i wan to know all these things...
i dun like to guess.. i like to be straight forward...

still down with small illness..
sore throat is like getting worst...
think i'm going to be voiceless soon..
headach coming back also... plus here and there la...
but i'm still breathing... even though onli through mouth now..=X
=)
haha.. got to try and get more slp...
first is doc say...
next is i'm kena threaten...=X
good nite.. work work tml....
yoz... i wanted to updated this blog ytd de...
but when i just click here i was threaten by someone.. to go to slp..
so better listen.... sent to slp...

when i was like kind of happy tt i was slping.. tt idiot melvin called me at 8a.m to ask me wan to go breakfast ma? tt idiot.. reject him straight away... but i was hanging on a headach... maybe is the sheesha ba.. dunno...

20 mins ago went to cook cup noodles..
once again trying to eat since i say i will...
it's hard for me to lie to her...
i just can't..
where else to other it like so simple...
so the onli thing i can do is dun answer the qns lo..=X
but then right after i ate the cup noodle and press refresh so tt i can reply on the comment on FB..
something sent wrong...
the next thing tt op into my head was a very big TOILET word..
once again vomit... haha
i think i will just live on liquid food ba.. all the juice or watever la...
haha...

thinking of wat to do.. study??
blueprint???
slack???
go out???
rot???
do my own stuff??
i dunno... haha..
rot first...=)
bro ty for telling me.. i already knew...
he call me last nite..

godfather change his way of approach ytd when he call me..
usually it will be like 2 kid talking...
but the very first sentence tt come out from his mouth was my full name..
i knew something was not rite..

he pop me this " If anything happen to her wat will you do?"

i just say i will replace everything, i will be watever she wants watever she needs.
her leg her hands her blood. anything and everything i can do.

next thing he do was to say thanks..

he told me there is 2 report on his hand now..
good and bad which one i wan to hear
good one..
her full blood report is out.. all together 367 test made..
nth actually goes wrong.. everything is fine...

next is my last health report for this year..
it was onli half of the report..
and i actually just failed everything in the report..
i get scolded...
yes scolded.. he actually nv scolded me b4.. in this way..
i really dunno wat to say to him...
i felt like so... i dunno wat words to use..
when he gave me so much..
and i return him nth...even thought he nv ask for...

i still can't take food.. i still vomit..

tt all i say..
sorry dudes sorry father...
feel better after sweating out...
been quite long since then...

these few daes ppl around me suddenly ask this qns.." Choke, how can u act like nth happen or even smile when u know something is not right somewhere?"

say really if i dun smile or make fun of myself or wat.. i will breakdown..
i ain't no superman or heartless..
i rather face it my way...

afternoon called bear they all...
kind of like get scolded...
but watever they wan to say i understand..
they know me too well... bear and alfred..

tml will be fridae... i dunno wat i will do..
actually todae i got nth to do at work.. just slack
other then the force of sir asking me to change my citizen to singapore..
sian lo...

after tt.. i really wan to thanks uncle wee...
thanks for talking to me once again...
telling me wat to do so...
but i am still confuse....
like wat you say... i am someone whu dun like to listen to wat ppl say about rather get the facts myself.....
but the fact now i see is all bad.. nth gd..
not being angry or sad or emo..
but say really y do i have to go through this??

and for the hair cut too...
now i got a very kid haircut.. cause i am always a kid in his eyes..
the way he talk and act infront of me... is better than my own father...
able to make me speak is not easy.. i know..

for those whu dunno... uncle wee is my godfather father onli hairdresser..
he is 86 this year...
gd man...

i think.. y think so much when i know is him...
got to think for my own study le ba... 1 and a half year to go...
and then "bye"

bros.. without u all my alcohol cell gone liao la...
and i wan it back....
i wan to go eat with u all..
i wan the laugher... i miss them...=(
bro u win liao la..
now she dun frenz me liao lo..
u good liao lo...

now doing duty..but got to go out soon le.. one guard down.. so i got to stand by him.. got to take care of all the guards..
and i am still sick.. the worst thing is tt tml i got to go for my blood test at nuh.
good job liao lo...
dunno how bad this blood test will be liao...

still alfred u win liao la.....
eh bro so now u think wat??
come my tag box acknowledged relative meh???

todae thought tt i wan slack.. but then tml got to stay in camp then cannot study so todae need to..
study the whoel dae...
until just now went with cum go jurong west eat claypot rice which had been veru long since i went there with bear they all...
its' still nice...
but coem back.. i vomit again... damn sian... sick and tired of myself..
and then tml got to stay in camp sian ar sian...
it had been a rotting sat for me...
doesn't feel like studying or doing anything todae...
so i sit or lie on my sofa for the whole dae...
watch tv and listen to my mp3..
3 plus cum message me.. then he reply at 4 plus asking for tea..
and i wait until 9 he still dun appear at my doorstep for tea..
zzzz.. then ask him to go down dinner as i haven eat yet..
eat until damn full.. but once i reach home same thing happen.. camp in toilet lo..
lolz...
after tt since my father got another lorry back le..
thought of going to pray so i went with ping..
pray for the same thing again..
but once i reach home on my facebook first thing i see..
"i broke my fingernail"...
i was speechless for a moment. it was like 30 mins again i just pray and i come back and see the post was like 20 mins again..
but the next thing come to mind is still is she ok?
hopefully yes ba...
it 2 plus and i am still feeling damn awake...
i think i turning into "god" soon lo.. haha
zzzz i dunno wat happen sia...
whole dae nv eat then just now meet ping to eat...
eat one bowl of fishball noodle also cannot finish...
then finished my teh c.. haha
but i just came back from the toilet..
i just wasted my food.. i vomit everything out.. wtf lo...
sian.. this is one of the sideeffect ba... i think...

just now when i am at home at 7..
i decided to pack my drawer..
see alot of things... include my journal since pri sch..and is like 4 books..\
haha read all of it.. and laughing to myself.. like so stupid.. haha..
throw lots of stuff..
i got birthdae card.. haha.. kept all of them...
i see this birthdae which is on 2007 also the first present she gave me.. lolz...
haha.. then i got this mindset..
i have always been negaitive.. blaming myself even since i was young.. lolz..
haha..

after vomit... now i am hungry again.. but nth to eat.. sian....
tml morning then find cum eat ba.. da sao also there.. hahaha...
funny.. belinda like me to call her da sao.. she damn happy de.. lolz...

got to go study le..
taking bridging exam...
stress!
today is a public holidae.. but to me is just like a normal sat or sun..
since is ph.. i decided not to call melvin.. so he can go out with his gf.. as she is not working todae..
so i take a cab to warehouse todae...
it was so empty and cold...

it was then i realize tt i am not really tt mature as i think..
i feel like like a kid...
i keep looking on the phone..
looking at the door..
hoping someone will come in or my phone will ring...
i feel like a kid who need care and concern..
felt lonely and left aside...
been here the whole dae...
it's about time to go home lo...
back to a place where i rot again...
hey bro... dun worry like wat i always say i not going to die tt easily.. still got 18yrs more..=)

ya.. just like wat alfred say.. my white blood cell is down by 75%...
is something like an AIDS ppl?? haha
prone to all any illness out there...

so now i am down with flu, running nose , headache , cough , insomnia and fever..

i am just walking around at 38.5degree..

got 7 dae mc from camp mo.. but got tonnes of work to do...
so i will still be going back to camp..
cause course starting...

my phone is like no longer call a phone.. is like a alarm... haha
since it like damn free for me... start studying but like nth gets in.. zzzz
thinking of getting 2 more degree during this 2 yrs.. before i go over to get my own engineer degree.. =)...
i'm sorry... i think this is the onli thing tt i can do in my life..

i dun mean ignoring u..
i dun mean i dun wan to know anytihng about u..
i dun mean all tt...

wat i mean is me.... unable to start a conversation...
unable to show the care and concern even as a friend..
i just dunno how to speak up..
dunno how to start off..
onli know how to say sorry..

sorry
Melvin just asked me. why u nv like to smile and always got no emotion on my face ?

just then i think of my very own flaws.

I cannot handle and express emotions..
tt y i choose to have a plain face or nth at all..

btw thanks melvin.. got to spent the nite with me at warehouse.. sorry to take up ur time..
so wat if i can study now???
i just lose the meaning of life...

the mind and heart work on a diff line...

why i can just start a conversation?
always is the other whu start..
i dunno, i'm lost...
i got got 2 emails..
first is my full result of my this term uni...
Prof Eng Math AD
Prof Blue Print AD
Prof Aerodynamic AD
Prof Mechdynamic Part I/IV AD
Prof Cruise Engine Part I/IV AD

plus this:
Student CHOKE CHONG HWEE S8828299Z, an oversea student in UOB, achieved TOP SCHOLAR OF THE YEAR and BEST FRESHMEN AWARD.

next is..
CHOKE CHONG HWEE S8828299Z HAD BEEN ACCEPTED IN TO BACH OF COMMERCE IN UNI OF NORTHERN IOWA. AS AN OVERSEA ONLINE CLASS STUDENTS.
sat came...
another slpless nite for me...
wat got into me i dunno..message text but the send button not press..
cooling down?
dun think so.. it's like killing myself..blocking off from everything..
staying in warehouse just to hide..
wonder to myself y am i doing this...
i can't answer...
whu will???
i wonder on...
back to me le...
dunno wat is into me nowadaes.
i got this very bad thought in me...
i like ignoring her or trying very hard not to ask her anything... i also dunno myself strange enough..
my health had not been gd cause i cannot slp and i am taking medi for others.. to try out the side effects... tt me.. nv believe in theory and onli believe it when it happen to me... then kena scold le lo...
i just read stats and commerce book.. hard enough.. aleast for me ba...
strange me... nvm.. hope this feeling will be gone ba....
ok alfred stop these...
u know me very well and u also know i dun say all these..
whether i have done all those or not doesn't matter..
it's on free will bro...
i not doing all these for pity or watever....
so dun say le..
i do wat i think i need to.. doesn't mean it had to be known...
thanks..
HI ppl, this is alfred here, not choke.
cause we all know his password.

Here for you all to know and for us to tell u about choke.

he is not online so he must be researching about her report now. either at home or at warehouse.

Choke is just a 22 years old guy who doesn't think like a 22 year old. his thinking is very strange, all his mind is all bros, family and of course her.

He dunno how to express what he has in his mind. the only expression he can do it out very well is anger. Do not make him angry he will go crazy.

He may be just a 22 years old guy but he one the so call "leader" of our group of brothers and the youngest. He can handle things really well, talked to us , play with us. Make decision for each and everyone of us. Give us advice and concern. take care of us really well. All of us look up to him. shared everything with us.

we know every inch of him that why we are here to update you people about him.

First, he is a very family guy, actually he can move off of his small little 3 room house now. He has the very ability to leave elsewhere or even go overseas to live. but for his family to respect them he is still there. he hide everything from his family, that include us, his study , his work and alot more. He never wants his family to worry about him, what ever problem he get himself in or other get it for him, he will never bring it home.

Next, he never leave brothers out, he always help us in tons of ways. He will get really angry if you say things that hurt us.

and of course her, maybe you dunno what he had done for you. He never like to ask for help from anyone. but for you he break this, every single things that can hurts u in a way or another he will always try to clear them out, without getting into your life. Try to set your holiday trip really safe for you. I think the recent one you show know, but did you know that since he like you, your every oversea trip, he himself will go to the place you will be going and check that whole area? include your family trip. Actually what ever you had study he will knows, cause like your poly course, chemical engineering. he will get all the notes that you will be study and read it up first. He is a private student in chemical engineering and he get a GPA of 3.8. now you will be study in PSB and in commerce, i bet with you, he already start reading up all those notes. Just to ensure that when you got any study problems he will be able to help you.

Telling you this is to let you know if u come across. He never like to tell people what he wants and had done for you. let say a small little example, today we all know you are going to collect your iphone4, actually you will not get that phone until the 4th patch of phone come. He went to talk to starhub marketing director to let you have the phone without letting you know, that why will get your phone on this 2nd patch. It's ok no need to thanks him cause i will get scolded when he see this. Just be grateful.

Next is his size, actually he look quite handsome and very style when you see him in suit. we have pictures of him wearing suits that we brought for him cause we always forced him to, if not he will always wear those sloppy shirts he had. actually he doesn't wan him to be fat this way. Do you know he will spend aleast 1 hr daily to train himself. He is a master in akido breathing, he is unable to slim down is actually because when he was learning akido breathing, he broke 3 vein and 2 blood vessels in him, cause this is an ancient tactic which is difficult to learn. He is a fighting master do not look at his cute face thinking that he will not do anything. he can kill a person in just 4 moves. But he learn is just to protect her not just physically and also your name. no one can say bad thing about you, he will just turn nasty, we had seen it lots of times.

Next is money, he may not be appear rich but he is, that is IF he WANTS. He work hard and save up really well. when there is a need for him to help you, he will.

Next is pamper, he is a very independent guy, of course his godfather wan to pamper him but he never want it. He throw lots of those expensive gift in warehouse or with us brothers. He is very afraid of hi godfather pampering "her" too. he actually aleast get over 20 branded limited edition bags for her. but choke keeps all them properly in warehouse. he always say he will get you when the time is right.

that for this time,

sign off
Alfred, Bear, Physco, Tattoo siao, Gamer.
we are all part of his Brother group.
See ya guys.
waiting to meet our DA SAO!
it 3 plus.. and i am still studying the report..
call here and there looking for doc all over the world..
i just wan u to be healthy and happy.. tt all i am asking for..
is it too much???
internet was lag like hell...
maybe cause of the mio just install at home...
i dunno wat to do on a fridae nite...
campmate ask me out.. but reject.. dun feel like going out wit them..

i dunno wat i wan also... haha
i always assume things..
assume this assume tt..
i am be right may be wrong..
but think most of the time i'm wrong ba...
i cannot alwyas depend on other..
i can onli make myself do things then i will feel better..
which is now...
i can onli research more to ensure u r very healthy...
i still got 23 more test report to come back to me..
i go back read up le.=)
me.....
nv wanted to do anything big..
nv wanted to study really well..
nv wanted to stand out in work..
nv wanted to gain everything..
nv wanted to gain respect from anyone..
nv wanted to give anyone trouble..
nv wanted to let ppl pity me

tt why.....
always work extra hard..
always keep myself alone..
always thinks before action..
always plan stuffs before hand..
always do things in the dark without ppl knowing..
always keep a smile..
always remind myself tt whu i am..
always keep myself behind..

maybe tt me..
whu likes to protect ppl in the dark..
whu likes to stay alone and think of you..
whu likes to study or work to wee hours..
whu likes you but dun wan to be with you..

not tt i dun wan to make the step..
i cannot blame it on my char..
i dun blame ppl around me..
i dun blame u at all..

the problems lies in me..
always wat i wan was to see u spend ur life happily..
i know i was wrong to go into ur life with out ur permission..
u dun even know wat i did..
i always know where u r with who and doing wat..
sorry.. it's me whu bang through the privacy of ur life..
i feel bad.. without u telling me or even posting it on facebook..
i knew wat happen..
this is ppl ba..
not everyone around u can be trusted..
tt how the dark side work..
i settle lots of problems just to make sure ppl around u r ok..
but no matter wat i do.. there is always flaws..
but u learn ba..
i cannot just keep u in a box and locked it up..
it hurts me when ever i know something wrong or bad is going on in you..
my extended worries nv go low...
tt me..

ok.. i am someone whu loves you but dare not take the step.. onli dare to look at u from the back while u smile and laugh with others.... tt me~
just back home from camp.. non stop 30 hrs of work for me from ytd morning..
godfather u see ur own la.. can read me big deal meh...zzz i also need to go read up in medi again.. bb.. and dun send dr woo come.. i need i will find him...
todae wasn't a gd dae...
due to morning my colleague give my cock up work early in the morning which i need to solve.
lot of phone calls doing lots of shit work..
then come this power one liao...
tml nite got exercise which once again i am the safty officer again.. got to follow.
the exercise is from 9p.m to 3a.m.. then after 3 i will need to fall in parade square by 4a.m. going to get COA but whu care about this stupid cerf...
todae damn sian. i tried all my SAR21 using pen-test.. over 120 guns la.. test the whole afternoon.. tired like fuck..
then went to cut hair.. damn stupid.. gosfather can ask yeo stop following me... i say le i dun wan anyone to follow me and i a at boon lay la... i dun wan anyone to know la... tt idiot... whu already got square top already still go in barber shop just to dig the ear!!! knn... i was trying to throw all the coin to uncle and he say nvm he will pay for me.. wa lau lei.. then uncle give me the strange look... then he told me cause i nv use there de money so look poor... KNN..
i told u le godfather i will not touch there de money even thought i have help u all to earn alot.. but tt is helping u.. which u have been taking care of me very well..
damn sian..
ya sorry godfather.. i dun mean to make u worry about my health. i know u r the one to make me go throught yearly health test. cause u know i nv take care of myself one..
i try to la... no worry u know me de.. i nv die so early de la....=X
haha.
one thing.. STOP SENDING ME THOSE SUPPLEMENT CARD AND CREDIT CARD LA...
u know i will nv used it la..
please la...
i will visit u once i got my time.. think nov ba.. i see how it is.. bring her to see u ok??
not a comfirm answer here...
u enjoy urself.. and dun scold me too fast ok.. u see ur own report.. i also have ur one ok...
take care.. bear they all will help u la...=)
sorry la bro i spell wrongly..
u dun say ma.. later ur gf see liao i can say is not you.. you damn dumb la....

bro no worries la.. i choke dun die tt easy one..
and i dehydrate until i faint for 30 mins todae....=X
but i still nv go doc cause they thought i slping..hahahahha gd actor lei....haha

bro another thing... i need the full detailed report asap...
i'm reading the dae report now... still ok lei... but the wbc and the hormoes got something not tt right even though id not tt high.. and the level is low... i need to see the SLDK scan and the HGFY blood chart... ask godfather tt side faster can?? kind of in a rush... but dun send me tml.. i not at home..

tml actually i can get off one... but i got to do my duty at nite.. so i not at home la... dun send me... i still need to read up more on the report la.. ig o first anything just call me..
ALRED!!!
DUNNO is whu give whose no to ppl lo...=X
u knn..=X

ok la first thing... i dunno y but i am having heavy dehydration these few daes..
aleast also vomit thrice a dae.. and it's all water...
dun feel like going to see DOC also..

second. NTU senior lecture call me todae...
asking me whether am i interested to become lecture in the NTU after the 6 years course they going to give me which include going for researh and lecture class in uni of london for the last 2 years and be back to be an lecture in NTU for math and engineer..
the onli things tt make me interested is actually onli tt i will stay in singapore and work..

actually i am still tihnking... 3 years of work in singapore first then study or 4 years of study there and work there... or go for laws or others courses...
i onli got one factor. tt is onli her...
i may not be the one right beside her..
but i will be the one whu will be there when even called..
may think tt this sound stupid.. but to me it's worth it..
tt y godfather and my bro have nv put me together with my actual years old...
i am just 22.. but they always say u think and behave like an 40 years old man...
haha maybe tt my actual age ba... one year got 2 birthdae ma.. hahaahhahahh
one english one chinese...hahahaha

Bros i actually got one request... please take care of godfather. i know u all will do it even if i dun say it... but u all know he old man but always appear happy and act like kid... but u all know he is like me neglect his own health one.. onli godmother and ask him eat medi one.. bro tell u secret do it like me.. haha cannot post here he will see.... later i message u all... ahahaha...

bros i end my course for tis term liao.. nth to study liao.... should i take night class??? if not at home emo meh?.. =X... bros please take care of godmother and godfather for me... i know it's always the other way round... haha...

ok bro u guys take care too... godfather know the result of the blood test tell me... i wan full detailed one! ty.. u know whose one i referring to.. cause whu tell u faster than me.. u knn
bro and godfather... i felt lost here..
u all ahve always been telling me wat u all believe i can do..
but nv once u all told me stop.. u can't do these...
but i am lost.. i'm feeling like a child..
need help but yet i can't voice it out...
yes u r rite!
u all know it onli her...
i dunno wat she thinks every moment...
urge to know everything tt concern her..
but i know i am in no palce to ask all these..
u all may say it's old fashion.. but to me i learn it this way..
not mine i nv touch... nv cross tt line...
always tries to be polite...
so in the end like wat alfred say i will be getting a " hao ren card"
but i just need her smile.... simply smile...
but behind every smiles... i always sense something wrong some where...
am i thinking too much???

she just keep popping into my head and visual every now and then.. just like it became a necessarily le...
maybe it's so call poison...
time is the onli thing tt heal and kills...
this week is not a good week for me...
slpless nite was a killer...
bored to death...
worried???
angry???
down??
emo??
dunno wat even happen...
this life ba...
not everything can be accounted for...
ya.. ytd...
since bear also know le... he tag b4 i can even post...
bro i know u all r not here..
i am still whu i am...
u know wat i can do to this kind of ppl..
so no worry la.. i am alwyas end everything without a scratch ..


ytd doesn't have anything to do...
so last min think of going back to warehouse to pray since it's 7th month also.. i haven pray yet..
after tt drink alone there.... then ppl call me..
tell me tt idiot is in dragonfly...
so got to go down settle him...
so i go lo... it's been long time since i used my fist..
i was not feeling anything when it just connected to his face..
like always the bouncer will just see..
settle le then since few cam mates was at double o so go there wahile lo.. to see them drunk..
try to drink with them but there r like so high.. then i send one drunk campmate home... cause he shut the dj's laptop sia..

after all i am still moodless ba.. dun ask me why.. i haven been wondering...
bro i think u all know wat happen liao..
cause one by one u all r calling me...
my temper suck la... no comment liao..
i know u all will come out with some physoc to physoc me one la...
u all have been well.. putting me in the dark....
making me free so upright or wat ever.. but i'm not la...
utterly disappointed with myself...
bro stop calling ba.. i will not answer de..
left me alone ba...
ok i am back here..
firstly my birthdae.. just like any other dae...
the nite b4 my birthdae.. went to marina bay sand to drink with alderson..
talk alot to me... cause godfather tell me damn lots of things about me... aleazst he talk sense to me la...i happy tt he gave me advices... but unhappy with the girls.... i can't live with girls around man... please..
ok then my birthdae ba.... went out with geraldine, sufyan, james, cumber, berlinda and shuinan. went to grand haytt .... ate the buffet.. and is like soso la.. lol ok la not bad... nv eat much ba... dunno wat i thinking also... always so stressed out.. thanks geraldine for the wallet, sufyan for treating, james for the wallet even thought i nv use... shuinan for the shirt... after tt went to meet kelyn at jp.. thanks for the cake.. then went to central la kopi again ba.. haha then went back home...
went to Switzerland to meet godfather and bros... went at 3a.m..
went there bear fetch me....
once i alight from the car.. i was drag in by them and pin down..
kena kissed by all their gfs... SIANS LA...
i dun like tt la...
cause i onli like one person kiss,, LOLZ.. lame me..
ya all of them was suaning me all the way.. cause all of them are in pairs...
onli me... kena suan until i super sian...
lot of presents but i nv vring back... haha.. cause i onli need one wallet will do.. hee..
godfather always have things for me to think about everytime i meet him...
no matter how hard we try... he will always aleast have an 30 mins serioue talk with me..
i know wat u wan.. but i can't..
i am just 22 and i am still in NS..
i know u like her alot..
i can't afford anything for her..
no compromise and nth..
nth i can gif her..
i have no right to ask her also..
if i got nth like now how to jio her?
and u think i tom cruise meh..
somemore i ugly... i got all the disadvantage...
godfather i am stress up... not onli about me.. and i am always worrying about her..
it just wouldn't get out of my head..
bro since i am free at home.. i came here to do so soul refreshing...
i kind of hate myself, my temper, my weight, my size... just myself..
i was dulan just now with cum's problems.... cause tt happen to me b4 so i know the damn feeling...
and i told her abit it... she ask me dun dunlan and i reply how not to dulan..
fuck la... then come no reply.. fucking felt the regretful ....
now also dunno how... fucking sian lo...
me and my fault... y my temper like tt.. bro how?
i tired of myself.... i need someone... no wat i need is just her....
but like wat sometimes u all will hint me... ppl got their choices..
bro.. ppl r meant to have dreams.. and she is one big part of it..
u all know how important she is...
bo bian.. u all r my most trusted ppl le.. tt y need to ask u all go bangkok.. i know it's hard... i'm sorry after NS i will make it up back to u all... sorry...

and sorry to u....it's my bad to answer like tt.. sorry..
BROS.. like wat u all have told me... this blog i think u all r the onli ones tt read... so i think about it. why do i have to hide u guys from others... ok bros.. u all can comment and talk here le... =)

Still thanks alot bros... rmb to go drunk after my birthdae man... ask godfather where he wan drink... u all take care... i think most of u r on holidae or working ba.. but i dun have the time to meet u all... i'm very sorry bros....
was home the whole day.. cause i was forced to take off.. i have over 40 daes off... and just nice todae i dun have any task in hand so my boss forced me to take off.. haha..
but an off dae is not east to pass man...
even thought i slept at 1 ytd...and wake up at 12 todae..is the longest i have slpet.. but i keep waking up in the middle... i dun feel like i have take the 11 hrs slp...
haha.. nvm
the later part of the day i was making phone call here and there...
settle the ppl in bangkok... bo bian asked them for a big flavour... still got to talk more to make them happy and willing to help me...
heee actually i came here is because while i was surfing aimlessly on the web i found this...

The problem stemmed from a difference in approach. To many men a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. Mark thought he was reassuring Eve by telling her there was something she could do about her scar. But often women are looking for emotional support, not solutions.

When my mother tells my father she doesn't feel well, he invariably offers to take her to the doctor. Invariably, she is disappointed with his reaction. Like many men, he is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.

i am just like a normal man, telling the solution, however after looking at these i kind of like understand why i keep getting the reply SIAN.. or something same.. but i dunno wat to text back.. kind of need to read more ba.. haha or someone can tell me???? heee
todae every shit tt can fall on a person fall on me..
ytd nite.. first step into this shit dae...
i dream of myself dead.. in my own funereal, onli got godpa, bear, alfread, gamer, phyco, ite and chunyip.
not even my family is there.. is like i also dunno wat to say it just wake me u at 2 when i start to slp at 12.30.
nvm then come second one.. cannot get to slp so prepare for my mock test. then wat i study did not come out for the test.. sian liao lo... after then result come back 60%.. wth...
also nvm.. next... go out to ns.. take lift until downstair forget to bring ez-link card... go back take.. then in lift see one siao uncle.. knn smoke in lift.. ccb..
nvm... then go busstop.. wait for 240 wait fucking long...
nvm... then got on bus find a sit, sat down.. one auntie brought laska on bus packet one.. dunno whu will wan to eat laska early the the morning sia... then cause bus pack she sit beside me.. then got one uncle push until her hand.. her laska fall then kena my shoe and jeans... early in the morning...
nvm... reach jp faster go toilet wash... then toliet got ppl shit.. fucking smelly...
nvm... then went to take camp bus.. just saw the bus.. it went off.. i am late liao lo..
nvm... go camp.. first thing late kena fuck
nvm... hope the other will be ok.. then coem call me here and there knn.
nvm... when i doing secret with my friend, maj call.. ask the guy doing with u malay ar? i say yes.. he say malay canot touch secret.. WTH.. then ask e everything do myself..
nvm.. i do... do for like very 10 min he call me do this do that like i very free like tt..
nvm.. then i neeed to rush all this by fri cause mon course start... if not fri i no need go home liao... then he keep adding more workload on me..
nvm.. then forget lunch..
nvm.. wan to buy redbull... sold out...
nvm.. forget it go back my room do.... air-con spoil....knn
nvm.. end up and with lots of paper and pen knife cuts..
nvm.. do until 5 thoguht can go home rest awhile... then sir see me say choke.. edwin mess up the AIOC returning of books... help him out.. wth.. meaning i stay back to help...
nvm.. then all the sir all look for me give me all sort of stupid reason for missing books and lost pages...
nvm.. finally can go home.. changed.. wan to step out of office... another student coem gif me shit...
nvm.. do lo.. walk out of sdc.. nvm tuck in shirt.. kena from warrant officer cb...
nvm.. walk cross sdc... door closed...
nvm.. walk one big round.. reach busstop get on the bus no ppl... press the bell..uncle dun wan stop de lei...passed one busstop...
nvm.. i walk back.. while walking to shuinan house downstair de busstop.. dunno how i kick one stupid stone and fall down..
nvm.. saw the busstop missed 99... and ping in the bus too...
nvm.. reach home wan use com.. both com bro use..
nvm.. then wan to eat dinner whole dae nv eat.. mum cook all those i dun like one..
nvm.. go bath.. fall down in bathroom..
nvm.. sit down dun wan move.. father scolding me y nv help mum do this do tt...
after allt his shit happen just in a dae.. u think is this a dae???
todae is a really dunno wat dae???
i 'm confused here.. really..
am i wrong??? wrong pls tell me... someone
fucking scold me or wat... tell me i'm in wrong..
really felt useless...
first time trying my really best to help but i still failed!
waking up at 7 just to go down to alfred house to wear my business suit. where i dun touch it at all...
then when down damn early when i am suppose to meet him at 9.. reach at 8...
while waiting think of all the things i can say to him..
however he keep wanting me to join his sch.. wtf la... first i dun study their courses.
second why is it tt u got space for me and her when u dun have space for her??? bulllshit la....
talk to him for 1 and a half hours.. still can't.. then he got to leave... and it's start pouring... get on a cab get to alfred house the way from the road to his house. i was really down... drench in the pouring rain.. feeling so heavy like nv before...
really felt very bad...
haiz....

i thought after this i can rest welll... cause for the whole week i have nv slpet for more than 3 hrs a dae... somemore was sick on mondae got to go hospital in the nite...

somemore on wed i'm going for operation on my knees... there is onli 75% success rate.. i dunno how.. but i think i will take it... haiz.. can't seem to slp... haiz
i dunno y i felt like this but i am,
feeling tt i have done something wrong by look at ur reply..
i i know u r very tired...
or maybe is me whu thinks too much..
i have been trying to help to think of ways to help.. but i still cannot get the solution and i haven told u , and tt wat i scared. u going to be sina and cannot sleep well..
tt the reason y i dun wan to tell u i am sick too..
but i know is ping whu tell u i dun blame him cause he know how much u mean to me.
i'm just blaming myself tt i am useless.. now my left arm is like totally no strength.. sian.. and i stil got things to help in.. i afraid tt this will failed and i dun wan it to fail..
back home..
just feel like blogging..
nth much even thought in my brain i think there is aleast a hundred things i wan to blog about..
but firstly is my keyboard is giving me problems... i got to retype the word dunno how any times then it get corrected...
but i dun think i will blog everything out since no pl will actually look at these..
i think???

actually wat i wan to blog about is just one thing...
i just wan u to live happy with ur life...
not worrying about wat ppl think even me..
cause wat ever u do as long as it make sense and u dun regret it.. practically i dun object or say nag to u..
as long as u think about it..
tt wat i always hope for you..

i dun think i will blog about other stuff ba...
kind of relief feeling come into me these few dae.. so ok ba.
ppl please get plenty of rest...
dun fall sick...
is in GOOD MOOD TODAE...
still ok la... haha.. even thought i was just studying..
even thought form next week onward i got to wake up at 4.30 everydae to study...
but ytd i was happy.. i get to see ur face in close range again.. even though it is something i shouldn't do..
just to put it simply.. I"M HAPPPY CAUSE OF U~~ lala
wake up with just 3 hrs of slp but not feeling tired lol..

had a strange dream just now... meet her but lost my army secret stuff.. army too stress le ba.. lolz

this week kind of like blur blur to pass ba..

from mondae dunno y head had been spinning until ytd.. eating dunno how many panodol a dae, dun really rmb things.. super short term memory..

then wed morning went for my trainning safty officer course which last 3 day..
wed morning still okok.. until about lunch time ping call me, where i am not suppose to use my phone. he say urgent in sms so i pick up. during my break, whu know he pop this kind of news to me.. but then wat i can say, not tt i dun wan to care is tt without him telling me.. i will be the last person on earth to know ba..
but still i called. when the call is not answer i was like an ant on a hot pot. dunno wat to do. go back to class with my phone on, it rang and i just pick it up.
my sir look so stunt at me but after i hang up i kena scold until like dunno wat... plus tt dae the test i got onli 56% when i always get 90 and above...

wed i dunno how i walk but almost fall down twice in just 5 min time.

thurs was like hell of a great spin.. head was really in pain and spinning around but is till got to go for the course.. but aleast i get 64% this time around but still i kena scold...

fri.. nv go for course cause going to the police station. but i take the test early in the morning i spend my time reading on it on thurs nite. finally manage to get a 92%... so sir is still happy about it.. then i went to the police station with my father and bro. due to the case which is about 1 year ago le ba.. wack my neighbour thing la..stupid de la.. i waited at police station for like 3 hrs to see the stupid police to tell me i get warning for 12 month.. with a stupid attidue then i am pissed of for the dae.. really pissed off... then went to hospital got to wait again.. dunno wat is my nurse so busy about... maybe i was just not in the mood la.. she talk to me i also nv say much her jokes not funny... sorry...
then went to see the doc, gave me 1 injection one each knee.. fucking pain.. then got to lie on the bed for 2 hrs before i can go.. so wait again ba...

reached home damn sian and pissed off..
actually i am really grate and gald tt u talk to me... ia m sorry tt i am still in tt mood.. my temper have been going from bad to worst le... gettitng pissed off easily nowadae... now is alot better le after long long talk with cum.. from like 12mn to 6 in the morning..lolz
dunno wat to say.. but i cannot see facebook all the time, i am just nobody to u but i care.. please let me know...
i really dunno wat had gotten into me for this few daes..
cannot get to slp and work problem come in...
haiz...
drink lots of coffee and drink to keep myself working.
talking to chunyip and ping really helps.. thanks bros...
sorry but i really cannot do the way u all ask to..=)
but then i have clear my mind just now wahile walking at jp...
i really stupid stupid me, sorry sorry for gifing u tt attitude.
once again tml is mondae..
later got to go back camp.. another stupid 5 daes..
onli looking forward to weekend...
last week pass really fast ba.. but enjoyed, dun even feel tired even thought i was like busy??
haha.. FIRST OF ALL

HAPPY BIRTHDAE TO GERALDINE LEE...

haha.. ya i had given the present to her really hope tt she like it. cause i tried new things instead of just buying.
haha like the walking bear. search for it high and low for like 6 months, onlne, oversea, shop cannot find it.
lucky to be finally found at marine square arcade. those grabing machine, whcih i nv play b4.
haha but then make tt effort to try cause i need it badly, haha. lots of ppl looking at me la..it not like play once then got it le... tt 40 mins there grabbing feel like 3 years there. then i can even sweat when it's ar-con palce and not moving at all.haha
cumber knows this feeling too cause after me is him.. haha but diff things.

find liqour store for tt 3l martell was hard too.. but ttt wat i wan..lolz. 21 lei.. wothout something tt can stunt ppl is like not fair. haha

then goes the flower. sad lo.. the auntie still disturb me.. say 1st time buy flower ar? so shy meh? still ask about my age lo.. say i 22 liao nv gif flower b4 meh.. wth de auntie..nvm i still happy with the flower she sell it to me.. haha even thought she is stunt by my order. such a big order.haha 21 flower...hahaha
bits and pieces of thing here and there but i feel tt everything i do is worth it.
just by looking at her smile when the dae the event held. =)

still got to say thanks you to her for letting me to be a part of her important step in her life.. THANKS YOU!!!

P.S not just 5 years.. it will still goes on and on..=)
suddenly i just think of 28 july 2004..haha
tt dae i tell myself lots of stuffs...
from tt dae to todae i done alot of stupid things along the way..
but i learn from ppl.. listen and now i am here..
haha.. looking back is funny...
where else.. i dun see me losing those important ppl around me...
ppl maybe just be a bypasser in my life..but then all these ppl build me from bits and pieces..
i know things i do ppl may not agree.. but i know tt there r ppl standing by me..
i know whu they are and i really wan them to know whu u really r..
i tried to help u all as much as possible but forgive me if i did it the wrong way or it is not within my abilitly to..
i ain't no superman.. but
i choke chong hwee here...
with just one message or phonecall..
i will do my best either to be there or try to help things out or talk to u about facts, even finding ppl tt can help u within my range..or by my own ways...=)
so actually there is nth for u all to hide from me.. i am not tt bad ba... hope ppl will tell the truth... thanks you very much..
i cherish all the ppl being in my life now or past even future.. THANKS YOU!
yo.. back here... as always it's been a long time. lots of things happened.

chinese new year when back... was very stunt when i got the message when i was about to come back.
back then i was like hoping to see the message.. haha 1 week lei.. go there kena suay like dunno wat... ask me this ask me tt.. even ask when i going to give birth to let other paly.. crazy enough..haha

after tt back le went marina square with ping cum and his ber. done something so pia seh lo... first time in my life sia... wat to do??? the thing can onli be found there nearest to wat i wan le...haha

then something make me feel sian and heart sunken... is my bro bear.. he called me so happily really so happy.. i nv hear him so happy b4 even when his gf agree to marry him.. but then sorry bro u know tt is not the case.. sorry tt my effort doesn't make it there. sorry tt i mislead u.. sorry to let u drop down from such a high mood tt i nv see b4.. sorry..

then come my army... work work and work...
ya.. i went for my pes status check on tue.. i got no more high blood pressure and heart problem le... hahah glad to hear tt... i request to up my pes to become combat fit so tt i can slim down by the harsh way. but they still need my doc report. which is tml..i have ask my doc not to give my leg report... he didn't really say ok.. but just hope he do it my way.. just trying to look for my motivevation somewhere there... tt all thx
long time nv come back here..
now i am in ns le...
boring lo.. onli work like 5 months and i am the 2ic of my dep le..
the sian part is i do so many things and i am onli getting 400 per month... sian..

nth much ba...
this year dunno is a bad year or wat??
lot of ppl breaking up or quarrel or watever la.. alot of stunts come out...
and sio ba too..
she not bad can make me so angry de... wth..
even my "bro" also DONE something not gd at ALL....another wth...
but u lucky she dun let me do lo...
u idiot.. dunno wat u thinking de la..haiz...

lucky she got her friend around... wth... dun talk about tt de la..
and stop destroying my effort... 5 and a half year le ok....

ZZZzzz
i have been think y does ppl in this world got so much to worry got so much to think.
so much happen in relationship and life?
does heaven really wan to paly on us or does we make our fate?
cause alex is having relatioship, family and money issues. and i can't even do a single thing to help him feel better.

and i here have realtionship or no. is one sided ship lolz. i was wondering y when she is just a normal friend to me i got to worry so much thinking so much. and her ONE sms will like bring my happiness lvl up over 100%. just like wat ping say when we were working we keep looking into phone whu are we acctually thinking of??
when she ignore me, first i dunno wat have i done wrong. second can i have the reasons for the ignore?. lastly y i am feeling so really down? even alex can see it.

and then here is army. i am going in next mon.
and i also dunno la army is stressing me too... haiz

next is my study.. i really regret y i can't even finished my poly if not i no need to stress so much and wait for my army to finished and i can go to germany and study my uni. now i got to wake up every mon to fri 5a.m to study online class with them.it really stress me lots. cause i can't slp i need to listen to wat the prof say. and then got to do my tutorial and hand in by 4.30p.m everydae and tt the time i wake up..haiz. somemore tyhere is company tt sponser my study but wanting me to work there 8 very years. even thought the pay is really high. 11k pound even month plus house and car inclulded. but i got to gif up so much things. i dunno i am really really stress out. my bros say go lo. when they free they will go over is for my future. but to me i really hate gifing things up.. haiz

i am really stress out... i go read on my note b4 i start my class at 5.
heee... i just back home no long... haha.. i feel really happy todae..
not cause by ppl.. is by myself...
cause for 5 years todae is and one dae le.. cause ytd nv update..=X haha
thinking back all the stupid things i have done... haha.
but u are still there standing first out of anyone... haha.
i also dunno y i nv change in a way..=)
nv felt this happy....=)
wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. haha
sian ar sian. dunno why i am more sian then ever.. first my dad keep nagging about the statement tt i am going to gif on thurs. which is why my mouth got 1 scar. sian and another thing which the about 90% tt it makes me feel sian is tt, dunno why i have this very very strong feelings tt i stand nowhere in ur heart, dun say ur heart i think even brain. i will not cross the path of ur thinking. tt is my feelings and this is the very first time i felt. heart just sank. even when bear just call to say hi. i was like so cool to him. even he knows tt i am tihnking about u. but maybe is tt he with me too long le ba.. forget it.. =) bye and my pay rise..which should be happy but i am not....
haha long time since i blogged.. very very long sia. march to now is like 3 months.hahaa opps. dunno wat to write la. haha.

just wan to say i am injuried haha.. my lips is broken now. the doc wanna stich me but i dun wan. i afraid of noodle and stuff la. pain lei.

cause i fight with my neighbour.haha lame story la.. haha.
now mc for 3 daes dunno wan to do wat. cannot even go work.. wtfZZZzzzzzz
now the time is 4.25a.m i am suppose to be slping due to my mum cause she wan me to go and pray later in the morning but i going out at 6a.m..
todae is a special dae for choke cause of this very best friend so call the first best friend he have in his life but then he end he life on this very dae 10 years ago 1998 when both of them was 10 years old.
actually up to now no knows actually knows much about this cuse is very specal to choke. on this very dae 10 years ago choke changes.
choke was a very timid and talk big boy when he was young. this friend he knows from K2 name garren keng plays with him, darren was a running boy run here and there and like tracksand feild and all the camps in pri sch. he si the same calss as choke all the way. choke treat him better then his ow bro. listen to him and everything he says mean alot to choke. choke join basketball and he join track and feild. they talk alot togther shared their dreams. but until this very dae 10 years ago, in corporation pri i was 4.40p.m choke was having his training so is garen and he is trying for javalin. thengarren was so happy he throw the javalin and it fflew quite far without wasiting he run for his javalin tt landed a distance away. and he teacher throw the javalin without notice him. and just as choke look by right infront of his eyes the javalin pierce through his body. choke ran there seeing al blood and garren was not moving at all. tt when choke really cry and feel his heart pain till now.
choke rmb this " when i grow up i wan to be an engineer, i wan to go outwads bound and have lot of camp and advanture i wan to throw javalin like how pro throw so far"
favourite waords of all tme"nomatter wat smile"
Till todae...
after not coming online for so long.. i come to write something..haha..
actually got nth to type also..
just for inspiration u can see this video..
http://www.sgclub.com/singapore/nick_vujicic_105690.html
u will understand.. how ever i don't..
to say really i understanding tt he is trying so hard to stand up and continue walking with limbs...
but y ppl with limbs like ppl is like rotting of their life....
i dun quite understand even after i see the video..
now i have totally no aim in my life..
no goals.. goals have been taken away from me by noone but myself...
cause nth will happen without a cause...tt wat i belives in..
and when there is no pain there will no be no gain..
somemore i feel so strange cause i just wake up and i am here to type this kind of i dunno wat.... haha...

btw i having my driving test on 19 dec haha.. 13-14 zoukout working 16 i wan to change phone to LG KS20 =)..then 19 TP like so busy ar... 20 my younger bro birthdae... haha.. dun care..lolz..

ok i go back to play games le... cya
firstly it have been so long since i am back here...

secondly really alots of things have changed... not to say the worst of all that i haven been thinking really came...

lastly my attitude have gone from worse to worst.. like tt dae.. bear call me got pro at st james there... i was so bad mood tt i go there without thinking i just wack those guys... i didn't even listen which wat i always will do first.. then i just ask bear send me back... even bear is stunt. my 11 bros have been tiring to contact me.. i will answer but with the bad attitude... sorry bros is not i dun wan to share with u.. i i dun even have the courage to face u all.. i know how much u all have done for me and tt why... i really dun even know whu i am le...

even todae.. went to play bb with si ping they all.. there come tong lin if not wrong... i know he always paly rough with elblow all those..todae he was with me the same tteam all tyhe time i also dunno y.. after i seen he eblow si ping in my brain was all fire.. therefore u will see me inside the red circle cause when i am in i dun think he will do things..even time change team i wan to be opp wit hhim but.. dunno la... dun let me have the chance is all i can sae....

haiz really la.. choke is no more choke... i think i can have the same name as bo yan.."zombie"...
it have been ages since i am back here...
but my mood is like on fire due to someone...
i really can help it... what i wan to do is to really kill him..
i was toking to bear and fred ytd to settle on him...
what i can say is both of them ask me to cool down first dun look for him on my own account.. cause they know i really will kill him with my bare arms...
ppl u all nv know my background tt well so u dunno.. i am nto as good as all of u all thinks... i life is like so messy with this and that... haiz
no mod to even eat not to even say go out.... and cumber start his 6 month work le.. i am bored.... fuck la... i am angry again.. bye!@
haha my birthdae pass lo.. i 20 liao so sian..
like tt is my 20 years of my life passed...
hee... thanks those tt actually me for my birthdae as well as wishes me...
hee.. thanks for the very very nice video by ger...

now is exam period le.. everyone seem so busy but y am i so free.. actually i also dunno.. the mood of studying still not here yet.. but i will study cause i dun wan to be depress and stress again but the result...i dun wan to let my life down..

=).... and dunno y nowadae i wan to protect ppl so much..=)
tt all ba i going down to cut my hair... haha
ok now i have learnt most of the thing and the most important just let it go..ok..
so now i dun care le... just wan to study and paly...=).. bb... i tihnk u will nv see this too..haha
me very sick here..arhh... wanted to blog but really sick liao..
doing project here and there..
thanks geraldine LEE.. dunno y she will pop out of my worst times everything and just by talking make me feel not better but good... dunno y she timing always so correct one.. =).. my nose sux now canot take it... i go lie on my bed le... u all take care dun be like me...
Choke here..
really emoing..
worry over someone..
thinking this and that really tt mind is there thinking..
however choke here can do nth...
dunno y.. tihnk is my fault.. no handsome enough..
no courage at all.... shy like a fucker..
stupid like a dunno watever...
that isn't the pro..
the pro is wat am i worrying about??
why??? why can i say he will take over everything and i here nagging about??
wat man.. choke r u a man??? tell me.. wtf have u been doing...
ppl treat u good.. u like dun wan to say... I MISS YOU very diffvult to say meh???
ppl hint like so FUCKing LOTS IS LOTS OF TIMES..and u urself knows...was like SHY???
DUN cock with me SHY??? DUN see U FIGHTING SCOLD SCOLD PPL SHY...
IS lIKE u think ppl onli got u a guy??? ppl got so many guys out there u think u who..rich guy??? handsome??? wat u have u tell me??? SAY!!!
i know u have nth but records records and records in police centre...
then u think ppl wan??? u vn say onli.. say liao i think u no friends at all la... SUCKER.. IDIOTS FUCK OFF
see that wat u have done to urself... ppl will do their part is their choices.. not ur..
u bloodly idiot... u just fucked off and pass ur own messy life la...
wat can u really gif ppl.... u urself dunno.... tt it.. no use one fucked off CHOKE.........
at home slept to abt 2. due to work..
tired tired i am... tt all i say and very sorry sam..
sick la cannot go down.. sorry...
kind of miss my friends and BROS...
2 weeks of holidae is like no holidaes la.. haiz..
i really miss my bros.. 3 of them went to swish..
for dunno how long le..haiz
still dun wan to come back.. sianz..
thinking my life is really diff le.. work and study.
cause wat to do if u drop out the qns keep coming in to my mind..
tt y now at home i will take out my books and look when last time is a nv..
and i nv go out much le.. like i am in a cage like tt..
at home listen to songs study play psp...
but i keep having this mindset tt my life is still in a very very messy way..
maybe cause life did not go as plan or watever..
i now really got the mind set to deletle everything in my mind..
and stat a new life..
but i know tt will nv happen..
cause just like walk u will leave trace on the floor no matter wat u do to it it will stay..
just like the example..
on a whiteboard there is a black dot in the centre..
wat is on the board??
all of u all will say black board..
however have anyone think of it??
wat about the white space??
ya tt wat...like u got millions of good thinks and once there a thing u do wrong tt it.. ur life will live in tt black dot..
ar....... emooooooooooooooooooo
dunno la.. i really wan to tidy up myself and my life...

tt y my msn nick is i smile when i am at my very best...
cause now i not smiling at all.......=(
ok tt all tml ther is sch...
alot things happen haha.. but the same thing i am too lazy to blog everything out..
actually i wan to blog one very long one but time la.. can now cumber is trying to ask me out for lunch..lolz
haha.. work is tiring but FUN... ok la maybe later then i continue ok??
cumber wan me go lunch.. cya
haiz sian lei...
buddy sam happen lots of things.. my side too..
my dad things la...wat to do... haiz he really dunno how to be a father or i say a "true" father. all he know is i talk back. i am bad i go home late.. i dun study and so on so on...nvm dun tok about my dad..
btw i think all of u know i quit national le rite??? is my own thinking ba even though my coach is not happy with it..but it my health tt matter it getting worst.
haha.. now having exam but i am studying at all... ahha
haiz...
emo is flooding into my brain.......
just not feeling anything good...
all the bad feeling coming back...
emo is all i have now.. bye
hee got to post todae...wahaha..
cause i went to sam shop with zombie and I PAY FOR MY SAMBAL RIED RICE...WAHAHAHA
lame izzit?? no if u r our buddies u will know.. he nv let us pay...
but todae i see sam tok and smile to his mum..which is the first time i see felt quite happy..=)
sam come on she is no extra we buddies can chat and laugh together which is fun tt dae tt dinner rite?? just put in more effort and DUN emo with her la...
lolz.. jyjy...
just now when to play bb... fall down..haha u all nv feel earthquake just now???
haha... but i and cumber play serious cause our friend kena look down..nvm dun tok abt tt..
kind of moody in sch.... lonely...
kind of miss alot of ppl...
james, yan, ger, sam,alot more la..haha cause i am so lonely...
mr lonely..
favourite song...haha meant for me..
take care all...
i look at my buddies blog i am the lastest post..wahaha..

i am quite happy now.. not because of anyone but me.. myself..
my mum were kepping the things in her room cuase we just got a new cupboard..
then my mum come across pictures..haha..
then i look at mine very own.. when i was 1-4 after tt no photos le..
haha... very cute tt wat i see la... but now so ugly..lolz...
funnny one...haha... i just brighter up cause i see those pictures...haha..
u all can try it too.. quite nice...haha...
todae i ask zombie to accompany me to chinatown to buy a shaker tin.. but no mixing glass..
when to ps to see ppl play arcade and meet my buddy at his mom's shop..
then cab back to play ball with cumber, jack and si ping.. zombie is here but nv play..

actually i ask him out is because i really dun wan to stay at home...
last week at malaysia i think of lots of things..
almost landed me and my bros in hospital.. due to driving..
cause when i not really in a gd mood i tend to go out and not think of it..
but many r so busy...
zombie can't always go out due to no $$$?
haha.. bros working..
others got stuffs to do ba.. dun wan to disturb them to..

as u all know my problem...
actually is not so bad also.. but.........
there is this very bad guilty in me....
i actually nv plan to this dae...
dissapointing really in myself and no others..
i blame no one but myself...

ok le.. no use emoing here..haha..
tml see can find whu or i go shopping..wahahha..
shock right choke go shopping lei... bye
Now i am really in a stress and depress ++ watever not good mood words...
i am really disapointed with myself....
making so many wrong in myself...
haiz...
NS?
wtf.... not scared but...
haiz...
nvm...
bye..
it have been quite some time since i was here..
very firstly is Sorry james and yan.. we were going to meet on sat but i got to work..
very sorry...
tt dae i went for my first dae of work at zouk as a bouncer...
ok la.. tt job...
tok abt it some others daes..
here i am stress abt alot of things..
there are tonnes od tihngs waiting for me to decide and do...
but i can find a answer myself...
as simple as do i continue to go back to my training??
as a 3rd year student in np.. and my coach wanted me to be in his team.. ask me to play in sch team.. kind fo think.. if i am in sch team means i will go back to national training and i will also play in above 21 and outside team...
hwoever my personal doc tok me.. "choke, i knew u are very strong in beliveing tt u can and will do ur best in basketball. However i think ur knee will not agree to tt.. at ur current x -rays ur knee can MOST likely let u go for training for 2 years and just gave off. u will think tt just gif off nth much.. but the pain it will be.. is unbearable"
after listening to wat he told me weeks ago.. i kind of go into a depress mood...
cause now in my life there is onli family, buddies,bros and basketball.
anyone just go off will make a very big diff in my life and i dun wish too..
haiz.. kind of moody... ok got to slp... bye
todae wasn't a good dae actually.. but was covered by a called from bear, psyco and alfred and nite playing bb with zombie, cumber, wee nain, jack and alex.
firtly i wanted to wake up early to go down eat duck noodle which i craved for it very long le.. but in the end i slp to 11...
go lunch with mum and bro...

went to meet someone and settled things with him..
detail cannot be said as almost all of u also dunno my background haiz..
however a call from my bros trying to tok me out was really gd.. even thoguht bear is sick he still called...and the others working still called in..thx Bros

and the other is tt i am going to be a shakespear in ME in ym sch le.. cause the last one buddy which is going to study with me is going to be dismiss, dunno he can appeal anot, but todae he sounded to me like he is really going for ns le.. kind of sianz u know.. no friends = no class..

after tt we went to play ball was really fun cause we really play and sweat..
thx all...

haiz now i am still thinking of the things tt i got to settled kind of make my sleepless nite coming in..

maybe i will work as a bouncer in zouk..=)
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.
this is wat i result i the quiz.. i felt it is like so real... some la.. some i cannot cfm myself u all say ba...

Think about what you are reading because it's the truth

Why do we ((sleep)) in [[church]],
But stay ((awake)) through a [[2 hour movie]]?
Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about [[God]],
but so ((easy)) to [[Gossip]]?
Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a [[Christian magazine]],
but find it ((easy)) to read [[Playboy]]?
Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a [[Godly]] forwarded email,
Yet we ((forward)) the [[stupid]] ones?
Why are ((churches)) getting [[smaller]],
But ((bars and clubs)) are [[growing]]?

i come across this in my mail also.. something fun..haha

haiz.. now a daes was like "haiz"??
nvm make somemore angry.. too playful???
i spoil her dae just like tt...haha..
felt disappointed actually...
it was like know for quite long..
yet playing this kind of stuff can make it this bad...
dun really understand maybe i have changed???
or u have change to better..
puzzle me..
blur me...
disappointed me..
emo me..
haha.. firstly happy V.dae to all...
haha but i will be at home studying.. firstly is tml i having my math exam..and i haven touch much...then second is i got no gf so no ned to do anything hahah..
not like wee nian but 9 roses for $88..wahahah.. exp sia...then i dunno my bro go where with his gf...then bear call me tt he is going to dinner at the new feeriwheel there..haha.. rich ass.. action to me.. lame..haha...
i also dunno what to do...other then study...
let see wat happen since the lastt ime i posted...haha
ytd we went to cck cc to play bb... cumber almost fight with another guy.. haha
stupid them..wahahha.. nvm la got me no one dare fight..hahaha...
actually nth much la...
ya.. about chinese new year..
i went back to malaysia...my dad sold my house..haha.. live at small uncle house for chinese new year...
not enought parking lots for our car..haha...
small uncle got 1.. dad 1, 5 uncle 2, big uncle 1, 4 uncle 1 and me 1 haha so many...
drving back not nice sia.. see quite alot of accident...haiz...
go back everynite i just go out with my friends there to go drink lo..
haha.. we crazy 8 ppl... 4 gals 4 guys we drink up to 4k of drink in one nite...haha
we do it everydae..haha...tired sia.. there also noth to do.. haha. okok i hungry go down eat also go see how amny couple..hahah lame me...
dun feel like slping at the moment and i will be having class in like 11 hrs later or even shorter..
cause just back from downstair.. with cumber for his supper and had a like heart to heart toks..
maybe he is like real blood bro.. cause almost everydae we spend time together..
and we tok our heart out..
wat ever problems both of us r having.. i think in this world he know me the best..
he kind of knows m background which almost no ppl knows..
my pain and my happiness.. many things...
kind of emo now...not because of toking to him but myself...
i find it so wierd...
tt i really wanted to like do this very thing but my heart dun bring me to.. and there are tonnes of reasons for it... cumber knows this...haha...
but i still can't get over it. haiz..
emo in process.. go and play game le.. bye..
PHEW~ i finally finished my powerpoint presentation...
accompany with my headach and dizzy... somemore ytd work until quite late.. now still have it..kind of very tired...
to dae o lvl result come out.haha...
Good luck all..~..
thanks sam fro gd luck too..haha.. thanks..
yoyo.. forgtet how amny "millions" of year i am not here..haha.. firstly
a VERY LATE HAPPY NEW YEAR...haha..
kind of a brand new year with new wishes and new plan. changes to be make for myself..haha
but i am not telling u all wat r all those.. cause i haven finished thinking myself..haha
let see wat happen(those i rmb la)..
like todae??
say now first haha...
i am here actually wan maple but no ppl wan maple with me.. paly for 1 hrs get bored of it..
then keep coughing and blowing my nose cause block... and ulcers make it worst..
now coming to blog which will be a very long one..haha..
ok now is todae...
morning nth cause i nv go co..
then afternoon lunch with cumber eat porrige due to both of us not well..
he is down but stomache flu if i am not wrong..
but we still went all the way down to kallang to see the match with boyan..
sam was not free so sad if not is BUDDY gathering..haha.. nvm there will always be a next time...haha...the matach was not nice at all..ref like cock eyes or ghost eyes.. cause some nv blow then nth he also can blow..haha.. lame rite..
i and cumber was so bored tt we become crazy there..haha.. cheer on the other team cause we dun like s'pore slingers la...haha..
shout here and there..haha..
but s'pore slinger still win like 112 to 93 or something like tt.. haha i dun rmb this kind of things...
but i rmb we got 7 ticket but onli 3 of us go.. so we like go in 2 time..the counter gal like so blur..haha..
after tt boyan cheat us.. he went to his sis house which is at old airport rd which is very near there.. CHEATER...haha.... i and cumber back on own...
we went to jurong west to eat..haha then walk back otw actually i wan to buy something for my mum toeat but nv open..haha then i kena cumber scodl sia.. he always bully me..hahaha.. cause can take bus home one..haha.. then rest of the time i play com lo.. haha..
okok.. sat now...sat nite went down to sam place to bb.. but he nv come cause his mum bring him to change phone..haha nvm nvm...3 of us paly there.. did not play properly..haha.. boyan too long nv play like like become lousy la...haha... nvm la.. slowly lo...but think of it there no ppl can block me and cumber le...
haha.. action sia..hahahahahaha....yaya.
afternoon i and cumber dunno go where eat then we go jp play...
then when we wan to go ger call.. said the r4 i buy cannot use.. so i met her and friend and her mum to take back and i call boss he say he is oversea need to wait for him back la.. but later ger call again say no need she ask her friend..haha.. after tt she say is format wrong ym one not r4 buy is dstt.. but can use one..haha.. so np le..
others dae i forget le...something i got rmb la..
i got go sam palce palce bb he got come..haha...
i and cumber got go take my laptop after getting repaired...
went to sch..lolz?..
i forget abt the others...lolz
yaya.. went sp on 2 of it's 3 daes open house...
1 dae with cumber and sam.. cause he wan to go ask abt able to get in ma..
we walk here and there.. the sch is so big la.. diffcult to find things lo. 3 of us walked like some idiots....but the end of the dae cannot got to wait for 2 years..so we go crazy and went back to np with sam...
then the next dae... went to sp with cumber cause he wan to meet his online friend haha.. but see liao he also sianz cause is like so young innocent"nerd" gal?
haha.. waste of time haha...cause i dun like sp la.. too big.. due to the dae b4..haha
then we went down to bugis to meet cumber sis and her friend casue they were shopping there la
we were like some bodygurds la..haha.. cause u all know me i dun shop...haha.. lazy to shae my comment on them la... but cumber sis ask him he will come to ask me..haha lame lo..
we like went alot of place... bugis , tiong babru and jp i think... and the mrt was so clamp la...
then when going to reach jp cumber make a stupid joke on me... tt make a gal laugh until whole face red..haha..lame him..
i think tt all i rmb cause.. now my cough and block nose is gettign worst.. and nowadaes i kepp hearing the eeeeeeeeeeeeeee sound in the slient nite...
damn it... ok la i dunno wat to do next le.. see how..
haha bb
hahaha.. i am HERE!!!!
exam weeek la.. sianz lo...
haha
...
here just to ask james to take care..
cause this bro of mine is going for NS TML..
haha.. very nice bro of mine and always on "low HP"
haha...
actually.. nvm.. think tml i will blog ba....
JAMES TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!
haiz hasn't been in gd mood.. but
HAPPY BIRTHDAE SUFYAN.. if i nv rmb wrongly..=X
haha.. old liao la bro.. haha wich all ur wishes come true and be happy..wAHHAHA
haha..

my heart is up to mischief nowadaes... quite pain...
dunno y.. cause most of the time it will pain onli if i stress too much or over do my body..
but i nv lei...
lolz lame me...
haha...
tt dae go yan bbq fun lei.. paly football... haha.. uncle tong still kick like before..wahahah.. hope he dun kill me...haha...
ok la now my heart quite pain... update next time...=)
Todae is not a good day at all...
early in the morning cumber and i make someone angry which is really bad enough...
after tt alot others things happen..
the teacher which normally will not even say ppl..
todae i kena scold cause i daydream???WTF lo...
sianz.. alot of bad things la.. sianz... got to do my 2.5k words report..
tml sill need to stay back after sch to do my i&E project lo..
sianz++++...
haiz..bye
eh i forget wat i wan to blog liao.. afternoon i still toking with cumber wat i wan to blog.. haha..
but sad enough cumber break off.. is his cheryl ask for it.. at around 3.30a.m..
i knew he is sad even thoguht he still laugh..haha.. cause just now went doen to shoot ball as to tok la.. not really shoot balls..haha..
die la i really forget wat i wan to write liao... kind of crazy.. haha..
brain useless le.. helping ger to find her songs..haha... dunno which one she wants also..haha..
yoz.. another long time have pass... just a blink weekend is gone..
haiz.. happy time also pass fast..
lolz..
todae rotted.. cause ytd too late slp.. i slept at 6..
then actually can go co one.. but become lazy... hee..
then afternoon send my younger bro go work at marriot.. haha
become choke 3 bros work there before..wahahah
then back..later go out with cumber.. actually wanna go bedok cause his friend married ba.. but in the end too far la.. so ask his parents o help him gif his present which we went to buy on sat...haha..then went to town insteas to eat mac i should say???
haha.. lame??
then see my bro work there then tok cock with shuinan.. went home around 9.30.. take 174 then slp over my busstop go jp..haha.. change bus... waste money as my bus pass start tml...
and i am BROKE.. lend ppl to much.. become i poor... byuy bus pass need to lend money from my boss(cumber)..lend 50.. then i tell him i will pay in 50 years installments..ahah... one year 1 dollar..wahaha..
sat went to prawning with cumber james yan and zombie... the suay thing is i pay 26 and prawn NOTHING..wahaha.. kind of waste money but fun..haha...
then yan and james go off first..
then whu knows alex appear...then go taman urong paly arcade to 2+..haha..
wait for cumber go down eat again...
all his fault la.. i misses someone msn... idiots him..
then paly psp to 6 then slp...haha.. lame..
make me so tired todae... ok guys it's about time to rest..
nite guys.. update soon...~ wahaahahaha
heee... sorry buddys and all.. i haven been updating..
hehe.. let me list main events these daes....
hee...
Just now out with ger and cumber...to jp and central.. james and yan not free lei..
haha..bo bian.. one got ot work the other just woke up..hee..

then i think is drinking at eski bar where i worked b4...the palce nv change la..but the ppl there all change not ven a single one i know...

haha..shuinan trying to jio the gal somemore..haha..but the drinks there all standard liao.. but still got my creation..sleeping polar bear..
can go try but i dunno now de bartender gd ma...mix not gd not mine problem..haha

then before tt is cumber birthdae went out to bugis and ps..
cumber see his friend which is now his gf but he dun wan to say..haha..nvm my blog onli close ppl looks..wahahah...
tt dae treat james zombie and chunyip eat pastas maina i think.. $60++ but long time one la s nvm hee...

then i thought over it.. i should not skip so amny lesson i going for all now.. bo bian i dun wan to fail...ok here i go off...hee... see u guys again..hee
okok firstly to zombie I AM NOT GOING TO COPY ANYTHING FROM U..wahhaah
haha.. okok.. let see wat shld i blog about..
actually i also dunno.. let see...
i really think i have been skipping lots of classes..
but i can't afford to drop out cause i am a PR which is on goverment granted if i drop out i got to pay goverment ovr 10k..
haiz... sianz lo..
haiz....i sianz lo.. dunno why every
nite is sianz + sianz= VERY sianz...
getting broke liao....
cause i just get my monthly money of 80 BUCKS..
u see i get onli 80 per month.. i belive all of u get more then me in a week ba..
lolz... i am a poor guy...
donate pls.. thanks.. lolz..

i think i shld also write something emo.. since all of us buudy emos..
lolz..

mine is actually not tt emo compare to them.. haha..
cause my everything happen is my own fault...
tt is why i am always so reget abt her..
but i know there will not be changes to it...
so i will be ur gd friend to help in watever..
i think tt is the best i can do..
in order not to make life diff for u..
tt is y u will not see me anyhow sms or call u..
which i really wan to.. but... nvm ba..
u happy can le...i am really happy..
cause ur smile means everything to me...
=)...and u kept something to me.. still say say everything to me...
lucky i got my bro cumber to tell me.. dun worry he just told me those he can...
not all.. cause i am still not clear abt wat happen.. lolz
take care la....
erm... actually i sshould be in sch now.. which is IS class...
but i am here at home.. cause since sundae nite..
when i was working...
i have this very feeling tt there is someone whu is close to me is feeling sad or got something bad happen... but i dunno whu is he /she..
but i can feel it... dunno y... lame me
ok la i still need to do my work even thought i skip class.. bye..
and tt someone pls tell me anything tt happen to u... thanks
long long time nv update le....
lolz.. first week of sch is like no sch...
is off myself one.. lolz..
lolz.. lame. me..
very bored me.. lonely sia..without my buddy sammi..
haiz...kind of like tt ba.. bored lo sch..
sianz...


then really kind of miss her..
like wat zombie blog say..

You seem really happy with your life but I really wonder if you are really happy. Somehow you show me that you are happy but the things you say always contradicts with the message you want to convey. I just hope that you are really happy, I mean REALLY happy. Well I guess I will just look at you from far, nothing more or nothing less. Just want to see you happy. I wanted to say so much but seems like it got stuck or something, sighs. Hope you can find the right person for yourself.

cause she is not with me.. with someone she is happy with..
haha...nvm la.. i think i go do my report for my MP le.. 2500 words.. haiz..
actually i very long nv update le....
todae i went to NUH with my mum.. saw my doc..
she say how come i here?
i say to see her..
she smile until dunno like wat sia.. siao one.. lolz..
nth much todae la...
ytd go work lo.. with shuinan.. ong time nv work at marriot liao..
gd tt now they have XXXL one.. haha
last time i wear XL like tight fit...
now gd gd..but wet ytd casue 40+ table.. haha
then morning went shuinan house to see the secert?
the jay chou one... with chang beer.. lols.. morning 11 plus..
but see see.. think if i have a ghost gf is good also...
cause to me gf is nv like things which is to be show off to others..
to let me care and love one... lolz.. lame me rite...haha



then i forget wat i do before le...
i know my bros,james , yan and cumber are gd..
cause we went to lots of stupid place and eat alot diff places..
haha.. like little india???
wahahha crazyenough???
go sentosa.. go alot places la.. haha...


and to my sch buddies, esp sam, i really prayed hard for u to pass ur appeal..
arbo there are lesser and lesser buddies in sch.. left zombie,cumber and me onli..
i dun wan... rmb we still got street ball club haven up and our ngee ann sch team haven fight? arh pls god let him pass.. heaven shine on him pls.. thnaks real lots..
haha.. actually i also dunno y i wake up damn early todae..
cause ytd drink??
i dirnk myself ytd ntie.. like siao one.. haha somemore is like 1a.m??
to like abt 3a.m i still to feel abit dizzy..
haha then i slp lo.. my chivas 18 years from full bottle drink until left like 10%
lolz... somemore no mixers..haha siao sia.. vedry long nv drink liao..haha
btw ytd my buddy,sam PASSED his TP..scold him beforedunno for wat emo he is having haha... see buddy u can one rite? i nv see wrong ppl..wahahaha..
ok la i think going out to meet buddy get pay... nite bro for dinner.. i TREAT..wahhaha
okok byeZ

i am actually missing u alot here...

just when i digging my head into my work just now..
while my friend was talking..
i heard this "yi shui si yuan"...
the onli thing tt pop into me is you..
this is wat i use to played ur name with when i first met u..
kind of feeling very bad..
i keep asking myself..
is this really wat i wan??
but y am i feel so down??
anyone can give me the answer?
i'm a person whu dun like guesses and beating around the bush..
can someone just pop in my face and tell me???
if this is really gd for her, y am i feeling this bad??



another things.. bear i found the way of settling them le...
simply since they wan my seat tt much..
i will give it to them..
yes give it to them...
see whether they can do it properly???
tell boss tt i'm sorry i cannot handle them...
i dun wan to go the ruthless way.. if not i will just be like the old time gansters or them...
i wan to change all this shit...
no more shit ah beng...


and then melvin.. i will full mob ur car on fridae nite all the way to sat..
sorry i drag so long...
all the parts i will install it myself...
i will tune for u also...

now back to myself..
in camp.. but really bored...
dunno wat have gotten back into me??
i started to vomit again.. just now..
maybe is the martell tt i drink??
i dunno also..
but somehow i am craving for more..
ok ba.. about time to go do my patrol liao...

anything u all wan find me just call me ba..
if not just call my office 6799 7687...
this phone is onli i listen one...
everywhere is go everyone i meet, just ask about her...
even work place...

even when i was destroying cd, i thought of her..
which i end up having a deep cut on my finger..

she is a friend a really close friend...
but then...things happen...
i doesn't wan this to happen but it will..
speaking all these i think will make it to some misunderstanding or something bad again ba..

i just to say..
i lost my aim and dreams..
ppl dreams cause they can nv have it...

like godfather say, no one will stay by ur side if u nv put in the extra mile for them...
tt y ba. i onli walk a metre onli...

got to go back work le...
and it's duty tonite... haiz..
i really dunno wat i wan and aim here...

lost my aim le...

sian...
haiz..
tml duty..
actually...i dunno wat sia..
i hurt my heels..
cause my shoe is spoil...
the cut... sianz...

godfather call me now and then..
i dunno weather to listen to him anot..
really..

i dunno.. confused...haiz...
work sucks too... totally no mood...
can't even slp...
plus the red shoulder... it hurts..

and i can't figure out the solution to my problems...
everyone got their own ways of handling things...
and i got to much factors...

and my gandma is starting to irrates me...
every five min she will have things to ask me...
zzzzzzzzzz.... arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
just back again.. after going out to blah blah and blah...

cause when i got one problems up my head.. all problems will pop out again..
i hard life...this is wat i say..
home problems.. work problems.. outside problems...
tons of problems and i dunno how to solve...
asking for advice is not an option...
cause everyone is different..
got their own thinking and so..
and i can't solve problems...

all these causes my health to be this bad...
i dun wan all these to happen...
thinking about all these gives me headach..
and just barely 2 hrs of slp daily???
i really wan to ahve a full 8 hours slp..
even if i slp early.. i will just end up waking up thinking about all these problems..
and the very sad thing is tt i can ask noone..
even if i wan to share i got to think of him and her status..
i dun wan to give them problems...
i dunno how long i can substain myself...

i dun dare to think about future..
i dun dare to think for myself..
i here and there...
i just feel then i am even worthless than a shit...
just back froma whole dae of outing with james, yan, cum and nan..
fun enough..
same non stop laughing..
great to eat yan mother cooking again.. it's damn nice but there is too much..
we can't finish..

tanning session from 11 to 4...
now my shoulder and arm is like red chili crab...

broke my slippers at harbourfront..
then bought a new one.. and it is yellow... first time getting yellow slippers..
then bugis..
then back home...
tired and hot now..
but i just dun feel like slping..

it not tt i got nth to talk to u..
there is ton of things then comes in my mind to ask u or nag at u...
but i just dun wan to get the misunderstand again..
it felt tt i am in wrong giving the wrong messages..
wat i mean was there is no one to nag at me other than you and godfather..
i nv say u can't..
i actually prefer u to nag.. but...
the next time tt come in mind is tt.. the lesser i talk...
the lesser misunderstanding occur..
i need tt care.. but i dun wan to cross the line..

u r attached... not tt is atttach to him.. even any other one..
i can't just do it the same as u were single..
ur bf is not a idiot..
i dun wan to be the source..
same i will be there.. but i will not know anything unless u told me..
for todae...
strangely i feel very much like drinking...
but then chunyip decided not to go todae..as ber is at his house..
and ping got to acc ling..
so for the very first time i went out drink alone~
when to dragonfly.. this time with no one other than myself..
standard warm up was 2 bottles of martell..
then carry on by cordon blu..
and at the end i drank 12 bottle in total...woah..
but was not high at all..
all the while was alone drinking..
and this time i get into trouble at dragonfly..
dunno wat get into me tt i lost my cool todae..normal daes with other i was always the one cooling ppl down..
todae i fight with 2 guys..
cause they wanted to take my bottle then i say no..
wanted to drink together but i say no..
then he start scolding my"gf"..
which i know i dun have..
but i just can't control todae...
punch them real hard.. and they bleed...
too bad before i can continue the bouncer pull them off and ask me to cool down..
then come the manager chris..
saying sorry and all the bullshit..
he also dunno y got these 2 idiot in the members area and near my table..zzzz
talk cock to me..
but i lazy to entertain him.. ask him to go off...
then i go off also..
just nice the music stop..
so here i am now..home sweet home..

and got to wake up at 9.
cause meet yan they all to sentosa..
and i miss yan's mother cooking..
haha later get to eat lo...weeeee
got to go to try and rest now..
or later u will see zombie walking...
here just to say sorry..
sorry melvin.. get u in trouble again...
sorry i wasn't concentrating on tunning just now..
and drifting..
the front part tt crash in i will pay no worry...
i crash one.. sorry tt u got to take public transport for tml..
sorry melvin...
Winty, dun need to do these ba...

no use crying over spilled milk..

be happy go find ur bear bear..=)

y use my blog...zzzz

forget it...

drinking on fri nite...

dun care place and ppl... I'm DRINKING...

leg pain.. due to bb last nite.. sian.. lost my touch liao la...
fucked~
i just woke up, very tired~

opps forget this isn't my blog~

Hi, people =), i'm Winty here~

actually i here to say something:

Geraldine, i'm sorry for insulting you. Sorry for talking behind your back. I knew the pain of people talking behind your back. This is the only point of contact choke allows me to talk to you.

Choke, Thanks for talking reasons and factors to me for over 2 weeks. sorry choke i take all your sleeping time away for 2 wks. T-T. Thanks you for letting me understand what is happening. And letting me know how much bear had given in for me. =)

Dearest Bear, Dear I LOVE YOU~ now i know how much you love me. =P Love you 4ever. =D

Sorry choke let me use your blog.=P
Take Care Please~ =D
I AM BORED...
VERY BORED...
MISSES~

haiz... dunno wat to do even on a half dae off...
no ppl nth to do..
my desktop is down..
montior down again...
think i over power it again.. super sian...
no games and no study for me now...zzzzz

i dunno understand relationship...
like ping.. ytd was quarrel with ling about betrayled and tonnes of stupid stuffs..
ask for beek ytd..
todae thought wanted to be a good enough friend so called him after my work..
he was slping.. and the next time is ling is beside him...
the first thing tt come to my mind is ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ytd u were talking like u hate her so much and then>?????
todae she sleep at ur house...
dun understand at all....

think tt is wat ppl call love ba..
maybe????
whu knows???
i sure dunno!!!

arhhh... damn sian la...
going crazy soon..
bear u settle ar...
i dunno wat to say...
ty bro..
todae is sat...
is just like a normal sat..
but dun feel normal at all..
got strange strange de feeling..

dun feel like studying at all...
even though exam is coming soon...
went online to look at national basketball team de blog..
tons of things happen about my leg dislocated...
then lost interest in it too...
went to look at hot stuffs book whihc is all about cars..
which is my second interested thing..
look not even 10 pages.. dun feel like reading le..
kind of lost interest in lots of things nowadae...

feel that there is a strong need for me to upgrade nmyself..
been reading a book on how to listen and talk porperly..

nth to do..
thinking tonite go work ba..
like wat u say i am not the one getting scolded... i will nv understand..
correct.. i have nv been through wat u have been..
cause i always go i think.. and i thought u think this and so..
is like the u think i thought whu comfirm? thing...
i have nv go through ur stage..
just like the way u nv gone through mine..
i have no rights to comment no right to say.. tt the onli thing i can say to ask u to believe..
and so on...

just thing i wan to make clear...
i nv wanted u to be repeat the same thing...
i really mean u will be happy with him..
i dun wan to see u sad..


ya fred... just the way u think i am... ty for reminding...
running away is not a solution...
this is wat i have always do..
and i dun wan to..but was forced too..
cause i am too afraid to ..

da sao.. i scolded u is not because of i standing which side..
is i cannot take it tt you are scolding the person whu have done nthing wrong..
hope u will understand..
bear called me..
dun put the anger on him..
is me.. he will go on a millions ways just to see you happy..
dun make him sad just because of me..


btw glad tt u found the one for you..
he can bring miracles for you which noone does..
dun need to care wat other said about u..
believe in urself.. tt wat i wrote on ur 21 birthdae book..
cause u r easily influence by others no matter whu..
so please listen to urself.. believe in urself and also him..
Please be happy..=)
and still anything tt i can help just tell me..=)
it 12 plus i going to meet boss they all soon b4 they going off again..

first thing first...
Winty dun be angry with bear and of course her..
bear say tt because his char is the nearest to mine..
wat we really wan is to see our loved ones happy..
he understand this point very well..
so when u all r saying wat u all r ytd nite..

first... think of her... does she really need tis kind of treatment??
second.. me??? where did u put me when u all say those???
third and last.. where did u put bear, my bros and u urself???

winty i treat u as my elder sis..
i understand y u r angry... but is none of her fault ok?

still sick here..
cough until like blood is coming out..
lung going out of air..
so since tonite got be with god father and bros b4 they go tml getting mc lo..
things happen this weekend with godfather and gang back..

shall update tml or wat ba.. my arm r still not working well after fri's 16 jabs..=(
i am very sick now.. since ytd when doing duty...
biw with high fever.. last measured 39.5...
block nose, sore throat...headach also... damn sian...
ytd duty was like sux, i dun even know wat i'm doing...
in the morning.. when i went to wash up.. the ops room got no ppl then my sir come in..
see no one as my other guard wwent to surf web.. so i kena lo...
damn fuck tub...
nvm tt doesn't concern.. head very dizzy...
cannot intake fod todae at all.. sorry...

try to rest now ba.. since no one is asking me out also...
later need to take up at 4 to meet godfather..
ya think trouble is on the way..
got to face it...
it's kind of like late le =X
here to blog...

todae was my off dae plus hospital dae...
morning was just pure rotting at home plus reading up..
then afternnon went to hospital with cum and ping for my report..
as expected.. the report sux..
bla here and there.. more doc to see...
then went back...
went to eat at boon lay... seee i got eat ok....
even though it's like my first meal..at around 6 plus..=X
went home.. and i know wat happen..=)
same thing...zzzzz

after tt play some games and read up..
went to shoot balls with ping..
after tt is still chatting..
i really need chatting.. i need advice and thinking..
i need ppl to ttell me wat they think... am i doing it rite or wrong..

like ytd nite where almost all my bros gf/wife called... on conference call..
all telling me reason tt i am not gd....
i glad tt they tell me.. i wan to know all these things...
i dun like to guess.. i like to be straight forward...

still down with small illness..
sore throat is like getting worst...
think i'm going to be voiceless soon..
headach coming back also... plus here and there la...
but i'm still breathing... even though onli through mouth now..=X
=)
haha.. got to try and get more slp...
first is doc say...
next is i'm kena threaten...=X
good nite.. work work tml....
yoz... i wanted to updated this blog ytd de...
but when i just click here i was threaten by someone.. to go to slp..
so better listen.... sent to slp...

when i was like kind of happy tt i was slping.. tt idiot melvin called me at 8a.m to ask me wan to go breakfast ma? tt idiot.. reject him straight away... but i was hanging on a headach... maybe is the sheesha ba.. dunno...

20 mins ago went to cook cup noodles..
once again trying to eat since i say i will...
it's hard for me to lie to her...
i just can't..
where else to other it like so simple...
so the onli thing i can do is dun answer the qns lo..=X
but then right after i ate the cup noodle and press refresh so tt i can reply on the comment on FB..
something sent wrong...
the next thing tt op into my head was a very big TOILET word..
once again vomit... haha
i think i will just live on liquid food ba.. all the juice or watever la...
haha...

thinking of wat to do.. study??
blueprint???
slack???
go out???
rot???
do my own stuff??
i dunno... haha..
rot first...=)
bro ty for telling me.. i already knew...
he call me last nite..

godfather change his way of approach ytd when he call me..
usually it will be like 2 kid talking...
but the very first sentence tt come out from his mouth was my full name..
i knew something was not rite..

he pop me this " If anything happen to her wat will you do?"

i just say i will replace everything, i will be watever she wants watever she needs.
her leg her hands her blood. anything and everything i can do.

next thing he do was to say thanks..

he told me there is 2 report on his hand now..
good and bad which one i wan to hear
good one..
her full blood report is out.. all together 367 test made..
nth actually goes wrong.. everything is fine...

next is my last health report for this year..
it was onli half of the report..
and i actually just failed everything in the report..
i get scolded...
yes scolded.. he actually nv scolded me b4.. in this way..
i really dunno wat to say to him...
i felt like so... i dunno wat words to use..
when he gave me so much..
and i return him nth...even thought he nv ask for...

i still can't take food.. i still vomit..

tt all i say..
sorry dudes sorry father...
feel better after sweating out...
been quite long since then...

these few daes ppl around me suddenly ask this qns.." Choke, how can u act like nth happen or even smile when u know something is not right somewhere?"

say really if i dun smile or make fun of myself or wat.. i will breakdown..
i ain't no superman or heartless..
i rather face it my way...

afternoon called bear they all...
kind of like get scolded...
but watever they wan to say i understand..
they know me too well... bear and alfred..

tml will be fridae... i dunno wat i will do..
actually todae i got nth to do at work.. just slack
other then the force of sir asking me to change my citizen to singapore..
sian lo...

after tt.. i really wan to thanks uncle wee...
thanks for talking to me once again...
telling me wat to do so...
but i am still confuse....
like wat you say... i am someone whu dun like to listen to wat ppl say about rather get the facts myself.....
but the fact now i see is all bad.. nth gd..
not being angry or sad or emo..
but say really y do i have to go through this??

and for the hair cut too...
now i got a very kid haircut.. cause i am always a kid in his eyes..
the way he talk and act infront of me... is better than my own father...
able to make me speak is not easy.. i know..

for those whu dunno... uncle wee is my godfather father onli hairdresser..
he is 86 this year...
gd man...

i think.. y think so much when i know is him...
got to think for my own study le ba... 1 and a half year to go...
and then "bye"

bros.. without u all my alcohol cell gone liao la...
and i wan it back....
i wan to go eat with u all..
i wan the laugher... i miss them...=(
bro u win liao la..
now she dun frenz me liao lo..
u good liao lo...

now doing duty..but got to go out soon le.. one guard down.. so i got to stand by him.. got to take care of all the guards..
and i am still sick.. the worst thing is tt tml i got to go for my blood test at nuh.
good job liao lo...
dunno how bad this blood test will be liao...

still alfred u win liao la.....
eh bro so now u think wat??
come my tag box acknowledged relative meh???

todae thought tt i wan slack.. but then tml got to stay in camp then cannot study so todae need to..
study the whoel dae...
until just now went with cum go jurong west eat claypot rice which had been veru long since i went there with bear they all...
its' still nice...
but coem back.. i vomit again... damn sian... sick and tired of myself..
and then tml got to stay in camp sian ar sian...
it had been a rotting sat for me...
doesn't feel like studying or doing anything todae...
so i sit or lie on my sofa for the whole dae...
watch tv and listen to my mp3..
3 plus cum message me.. then he reply at 4 plus asking for tea..
and i wait until 9 he still dun appear at my doorstep for tea..
zzzz.. then ask him to go down dinner as i haven eat yet..
eat until damn full.. but once i reach home same thing happen.. camp in toilet lo..
lolz...
after tt since my father got another lorry back le..
thought of going to pray so i went with ping..
pray for the same thing again..
but once i reach home on my facebook first thing i see..
"i broke my fingernail"...
i was speechless for a moment. it was like 30 mins again i just pray and i come back and see the post was like 20 mins again..
but the next thing come to mind is still is she ok?
hopefully yes ba...
it 2 plus and i am still feeling damn awake...
i think i turning into "god" soon lo.. haha
zzzz i dunno wat happen sia...
whole dae nv eat then just now meet ping to eat...
eat one bowl of fishball noodle also cannot finish...
then finished my teh c.. haha
but i just came back from the toilet..
i just wasted my food.. i vomit everything out.. wtf lo...
sian.. this is one of the sideeffect ba... i think...

just now when i am at home at 7..
i decided to pack my drawer..
see alot of things... include my journal since pri sch..and is like 4 books..\
haha read all of it.. and laughing to myself.. like so stupid.. haha..
throw lots of stuff..
i got birthdae card.. haha.. kept all of them...
i see this birthdae which is on 2007 also the first present she gave me.. lolz...
haha.. then i got this mindset..
i have always been negaitive.. blaming myself even since i was young.. lolz..
haha..

after vomit... now i am hungry again.. but nth to eat.. sian....
tml morning then find cum eat ba.. da sao also there.. hahaha...
funny.. belinda like me to call her da sao.. she damn happy de.. lolz...

got to go study le..
taking bridging exam...
stress!
today is a public holidae.. but to me is just like a normal sat or sun..
since is ph.. i decided not to call melvin.. so he can go out with his gf.. as she is not working todae..
so i take a cab to warehouse todae...
it was so empty and cold...

it was then i realize tt i am not really tt mature as i think..
i feel like like a kid...
i keep looking on the phone..
looking at the door..
hoping someone will come in or my phone will ring...
i feel like a kid who need care and concern..
felt lonely and left aside...
been here the whole dae...
it's about time to go home lo...
back to a place where i rot again...
hey bro... dun worry like wat i always say i not going to die tt easily.. still got 18yrs more..=)

ya.. just like wat alfred say.. my white blood cell is down by 75%...
is something like an AIDS ppl?? haha
prone to all any illness out there...

so now i am down with flu, running nose , headache , cough , insomnia and fever..

i am just walking around at 38.5degree..

got 7 dae mc from camp mo.. but got tonnes of work to do...
so i will still be going back to camp..
cause course starting...

my phone is like no longer call a phone.. is like a alarm... haha
since it like damn free for me... start studying but like nth gets in.. zzzz
thinking of getting 2 more degree during this 2 yrs.. before i go over to get my own engineer degree.. =)...
i'm sorry... i think this is the onli thing tt i can do in my life..

i dun mean ignoring u..
i dun mean i dun wan to know anytihng about u..
i dun mean all tt...

wat i mean is me.... unable to start a conversation...
unable to show the care and concern even as a friend..
i just dunno how to speak up..
dunno how to start off..
onli know how to say sorry..

sorry
Melvin just asked me. why u nv like to smile and always got no emotion on my face ?

just then i think of my very own flaws.

I cannot handle and express emotions..
tt y i choose to have a plain face or nth at all..

btw thanks melvin.. got to spent the nite with me at warehouse.. sorry to take up ur time..
so wat if i can study now???
i just lose the meaning of life...

the mind and heart work on a diff line...

why i can just start a conversation?
always is the other whu start..
i dunno, i'm lost...
i got got 2 emails..
first is my full result of my this term uni...
Prof Eng Math AD
Prof Blue Print AD
Prof Aerodynamic AD
Prof Mechdynamic Part I/IV AD
Prof Cruise Engine Part I/IV AD

plus this:
Student CHOKE CHONG HWEE S8828299Z, an oversea student in UOB, achieved TOP SCHOLAR OF THE YEAR and BEST FRESHMEN AWARD.

next is..
CHOKE CHONG HWEE S8828299Z HAD BEEN ACCEPTED IN TO BACH OF COMMERCE IN UNI OF NORTHERN IOWA. AS AN OVERSEA ONLINE CLASS STUDENTS.
sat came...
another slpless nite for me...
wat got into me i dunno..message text but the send button not press..
cooling down?
dun think so.. it's like killing myself..blocking off from everything..
staying in warehouse just to hide..
wonder to myself y am i doing this...
i can't answer...
whu will???
i wonder on...
back to me le...
dunno wat is into me nowadaes.
i got this very bad thought in me...
i like ignoring her or trying very hard not to ask her anything... i also dunno myself strange enough..
my health had not been gd cause i cannot slp and i am taking medi for others.. to try out the side effects... tt me.. nv believe in theory and onli believe it when it happen to me... then kena scold le lo...
i just read stats and commerce book.. hard enough.. aleast for me ba...
strange me... nvm.. hope this feeling will be gone ba....
ok alfred stop these...
u know me very well and u also know i dun say all these..
whether i have done all those or not doesn't matter..
it's on free will bro...
i not doing all these for pity or watever....
so dun say le..
i do wat i think i need to.. doesn't mean it had to be known...
thanks..
HI ppl, this is alfred here, not choke.
cause we all know his password.

Here for you all to know and for us to tell u about choke.

he is not online so he must be researching about her report now. either at home or at warehouse.

Choke is just a 22 years old guy who doesn't think like a 22 year old. his thinking is very strange, all his mind is all bros, family and of course her.

He dunno how to express what he has in his mind. the only expression he can do it out very well is anger. Do not make him angry he will go crazy.

He may be just a 22 years old guy but he one the so call "leader" of our group of brothers and the youngest. He can handle things really well, talked to us , play with us. Make decision for each and everyone of us. Give us advice and concern. take care of us really well. All of us look up to him. shared everything with us.

we know every inch of him that why we are here to update you people about him.

First, he is a very family guy, actually he can move off of his small little 3 room house now. He has the very ability to leave elsewhere or even go overseas to live. but for his family to respect them he is still there. he hide everything from his family, that include us, his study , his work and alot more. He never wants his family to worry about him, what ever problem he get himself in or other get it for him, he will never bring it home.

Next, he never leave brothers out, he always help us in tons of ways. He will get really angry if you say things that hurt us.

and of course her, maybe you dunno what he had done for you. He never like to ask for help from anyone. but for you he break this, every single things that can hurts u in a way or another he will always try to clear them out, without getting into your life. Try to set your holiday trip really safe for you. I think the recent one you show know, but did you know that since he like you, your every oversea trip, he himself will go to the place you will be going and check that whole area? include your family trip. Actually what ever you had study he will knows, cause like your poly course, chemical engineering. he will get all the notes that you will be study and read it up first. He is a private student in chemical engineering and he get a GPA of 3.8. now you will be study in PSB and in commerce, i bet with you, he already start reading up all those notes. Just to ensure that when you got any study problems he will be able to help you.

Telling you this is to let you know if u come across. He never like to tell people what he wants and had done for you. let say a small little example, today we all know you are going to collect your iphone4, actually you will not get that phone until the 4th patch of phone come. He went to talk to starhub marketing director to let you have the phone without letting you know, that why will get your phone on this 2nd patch. It's ok no need to thanks him cause i will get scolded when he see this. Just be grateful.

Next is his size, actually he look quite handsome and very style when you see him in suit. we have pictures of him wearing suits that we brought for him cause we always forced him to, if not he will always wear those sloppy shirts he had. actually he doesn't wan him to be fat this way. Do you know he will spend aleast 1 hr daily to train himself. He is a master in akido breathing, he is unable to slim down is actually because when he was learning akido breathing, he broke 3 vein and 2 blood vessels in him, cause this is an ancient tactic which is difficult to learn. He is a fighting master do not look at his cute face thinking that he will not do anything. he can kill a person in just 4 moves. But he learn is just to protect her not just physically and also your name. no one can say bad thing about you, he will just turn nasty, we had seen it lots of times.

Next is money, he may not be appear rich but he is, that is IF he WANTS. He work hard and save up really well. when there is a need for him to help you, he will.

Next is pamper, he is a very independent guy, of course his godfather wan to pamper him but he never want it. He throw lots of those expensive gift in warehouse or with us brothers. He is very afraid of hi godfather pampering "her" too. he actually aleast get over 20 branded limited edition bags for her. but choke keeps all them properly in warehouse. he always say he will get you when the time is right.

that for this time,

sign off
Alfred, Bear, Physco, Tattoo siao, Gamer.
we are all part of his Brother group.
See ya guys.
waiting to meet our DA SAO!
it 3 plus.. and i am still studying the report..
call here and there looking for doc all over the world..
i just wan u to be healthy and happy.. tt all i am asking for..
is it too much???
internet was lag like hell...
maybe cause of the mio just install at home...
i dunno wat to do on a fridae nite...
campmate ask me out.. but reject.. dun feel like going out wit them..

i dunno wat i wan also... haha
i always assume things..
assume this assume tt..
i am be right may be wrong..
but think most of the time i'm wrong ba...
i cannot alwyas depend on other..
i can onli make myself do things then i will feel better..
which is now...
i can onli research more to ensure u r very healthy...
i still got 23 more test report to come back to me..
i go back read up le.=)
me.....
nv wanted to do anything big..
nv wanted to study really well..
nv wanted to stand out in work..
nv wanted to gain everything..
nv wanted to gain respect from anyone..
nv wanted to give anyone trouble..
nv wanted to let ppl pity me

tt why.....
always work extra hard..
always keep myself alone..
always thinks before action..
always plan stuffs before hand..
always do things in the dark without ppl knowing..
always keep a smile..
always remind myself tt whu i am..
always keep myself behind..

maybe tt me..
whu likes to protect ppl in the dark..
whu likes to stay alone and think of you..
whu likes to study or work to wee hours..
whu likes you but dun wan to be with you..

not tt i dun wan to make the step..
i cannot blame it on my char..
i dun blame ppl around me..
i dun blame u at all..

the problems lies in me..
always wat i wan was to see u spend ur life happily..
i know i was wrong to go into ur life with out ur permission..
u dun even know wat i did..
i always know where u r with who and doing wat..
sorry.. it's me whu bang through the privacy of ur life..
i feel bad.. without u telling me or even posting it on facebook..
i knew wat happen..
this is ppl ba..
not everyone around u can be trusted..
tt how the dark side work..
i settle lots of problems just to make sure ppl around u r ok..
but no matter wat i do.. there is always flaws..
but u learn ba..
i cannot just keep u in a box and locked it up..
it hurts me when ever i know something wrong or bad is going on in you..
my extended worries nv go low...
tt me..

ok.. i am someone whu loves you but dare not take the step.. onli dare to look at u from the back while u smile and laugh with others.... tt me~
just back home from camp.. non stop 30 hrs of work for me from ytd morning..
godfather u see ur own la.. can read me big deal meh...zzz i also need to go read up in medi again.. bb.. and dun send dr woo come.. i need i will find him...
todae wasn't a gd dae...
due to morning my colleague give my cock up work early in the morning which i need to solve.
lot of phone calls doing lots of shit work..
then come this power one liao...
tml nite got exercise which once again i am the safty officer again.. got to follow.
the exercise is from 9p.m to 3a.m.. then after 3 i will need to fall in parade square by 4a.m. going to get COA but whu care about this stupid cerf...
todae damn sian. i tried all my SAR21 using pen-test.. over 120 guns la.. test the whole afternoon.. tired like fuck..
then went to cut hair.. damn stupid.. gosfather can ask yeo stop following me... i say le i dun wan anyone to follow me and i a at boon lay la... i dun wan anyone to know la... tt idiot... whu already got square top already still go in barber shop just to dig the ear!!! knn... i was trying to throw all the coin to uncle and he say nvm he will pay for me.. wa lau lei.. then uncle give me the strange look... then he told me cause i nv use there de money so look poor... KNN..
i told u le godfather i will not touch there de money even thought i have help u all to earn alot.. but tt is helping u.. which u have been taking care of me very well..
damn sian..
ya sorry godfather.. i dun mean to make u worry about my health. i know u r the one to make me go throught yearly health test. cause u know i nv take care of myself one..
i try to la... no worry u know me de.. i nv die so early de la....=X
haha.
one thing.. STOP SENDING ME THOSE SUPPLEMENT CARD AND CREDIT CARD LA...
u know i will nv used it la..
please la...
i will visit u once i got my time.. think nov ba.. i see how it is.. bring her to see u ok??
not a comfirm answer here...
u enjoy urself.. and dun scold me too fast ok.. u see ur own report.. i also have ur one ok...
take care.. bear they all will help u la...=)
sorry la bro i spell wrongly..
u dun say ma.. later ur gf see liao i can say is not you.. you damn dumb la....

bro no worries la.. i choke dun die tt easy one..
and i dehydrate until i faint for 30 mins todae....=X
but i still nv go doc cause they thought i slping..hahahahha gd actor lei....haha

bro another thing... i need the full detailed report asap...
i'm reading the dae report now... still ok lei... but the wbc and the hormoes got something not tt right even though id not tt high.. and the level is low... i need to see the SLDK scan and the HGFY blood chart... ask godfather tt side faster can?? kind of in a rush... but dun send me tml.. i not at home..

tml actually i can get off one... but i got to do my duty at nite.. so i not at home la... dun send me... i still need to read up more on the report la.. ig o first anything just call me..
ALRED!!!
DUNNO is whu give whose no to ppl lo...=X
u knn..=X

ok la first thing... i dunno y but i am having heavy dehydration these few daes..
aleast also vomit thrice a dae.. and it's all water...
dun feel like going to see DOC also..

second. NTU senior lecture call me todae...
asking me whether am i interested to become lecture in the NTU after the 6 years course they going to give me which include going for researh and lecture class in uni of london for the last 2 years and be back to be an lecture in NTU for math and engineer..
the onli things tt make me interested is actually onli tt i will stay in singapore and work..

actually i am still tihnking... 3 years of work in singapore first then study or 4 years of study there and work there... or go for laws or others courses...
i onli got one factor. tt is onli her...
i may not be the one right beside her..
but i will be the one whu will be there when even called..
may think tt this sound stupid.. but to me it's worth it..
tt y godfather and my bro have nv put me together with my actual years old...
i am just 22.. but they always say u think and behave like an 40 years old man...
haha maybe tt my actual age ba... one year got 2 birthdae ma.. hahaahhahahh
one english one chinese...hahahaha

Bros i actually got one request... please take care of godfather. i know u all will do it even if i dun say it... but u all know he old man but always appear happy and act like kid... but u all know he is like me neglect his own health one.. onli godmother and ask him eat medi one.. bro tell u secret do it like me.. haha cannot post here he will see.... later i message u all... ahahaha...

bros i end my course for tis term liao.. nth to study liao.... should i take night class??? if not at home emo meh?.. =X... bros please take care of godmother and godfather for me... i know it's always the other way round... haha...

ok bro u guys take care too... godfather know the result of the blood test tell me... i wan full detailed one! ty.. u know whose one i referring to.. cause whu tell u faster than me.. u knn
bro and godfather... i felt lost here..
u all ahve always been telling me wat u all believe i can do..
but nv once u all told me stop.. u can't do these...
but i am lost.. i'm feeling like a child..
need help but yet i can't voice it out...
yes u r rite!
u all know it onli her...
i dunno wat she thinks every moment...
urge to know everything tt concern her..
but i know i am in no palce to ask all these..
u all may say it's old fashion.. but to me i learn it this way..
not mine i nv touch... nv cross tt line...
always tries to be polite...
so in the end like wat alfred say i will be getting a " hao ren card"
but i just need her smile.... simply smile...
but behind every smiles... i always sense something wrong some where...
am i thinking too much???

she just keep popping into my head and visual every now and then.. just like it became a necessarily le...
maybe it's so call poison...
time is the onli thing tt heal and kills...
this week is not a good week for me...
slpless nite was a killer...
bored to death...
worried???
angry???
down??
emo??
dunno wat even happen...
this life ba...
not everything can be accounted for...
ya.. ytd...
since bear also know le... he tag b4 i can even post...
bro i know u all r not here..
i am still whu i am...
u know wat i can do to this kind of ppl..
so no worry la.. i am alwyas end everything without a scratch ..


ytd doesn't have anything to do...
so last min think of going back to warehouse to pray since it's 7th month also.. i haven pray yet..
after tt drink alone there.... then ppl call me..
tell me tt idiot is in dragonfly...
so got to go down settle him...
so i go lo... it's been long time since i used my fist..
i was not feeling anything when it just connected to his face..
like always the bouncer will just see..
settle le then since few cam mates was at double o so go there wahile lo.. to see them drunk..
try to drink with them but there r like so high.. then i send one drunk campmate home... cause he shut the dj's laptop sia..

after all i am still moodless ba.. dun ask me why.. i haven been wondering...
bro i think u all know wat happen liao..
cause one by one u all r calling me...
my temper suck la... no comment liao..
i know u all will come out with some physoc to physoc me one la...
u all have been well.. putting me in the dark....
making me free so upright or wat ever.. but i'm not la...
utterly disappointed with myself...
bro stop calling ba.. i will not answer de..
left me alone ba...
ok i am back here..
firstly my birthdae.. just like any other dae...
the nite b4 my birthdae.. went to marina bay sand to drink with alderson..
talk alot to me... cause godfather tell me damn lots of things about me... aleazst he talk sense to me la...i happy tt he gave me advices... but unhappy with the girls.... i can't live with girls around man... please..
ok then my birthdae ba.... went out with geraldine, sufyan, james, cumber, berlinda and shuinan. went to grand haytt .... ate the buffet.. and is like soso la.. lol ok la not bad... nv eat much ba... dunno wat i thinking also... always so stressed out.. thanks geraldine for the wallet, sufyan for treating, james for the wallet even thought i nv use... shuinan for the shirt... after tt went to meet kelyn at jp.. thanks for the cake.. then went to central la kopi again ba.. haha then went back home...
went to Switzerland to meet godfather and bros... went at 3a.m..
went there bear fetch me....
once i alight from the car.. i was drag in by them and pin down..
kena kissed by all their gfs... SIANS LA...
i dun like tt la...
cause i onli like one person kiss,, LOLZ.. lame me..
ya all of them was suaning me all the way.. cause all of them are in pairs...
onli me... kena suan until i super sian...
lot of presents but i nv vring back... haha.. cause i onli need one wallet will do.. hee..
godfather always have things for me to think about everytime i meet him...
no matter how hard we try... he will always aleast have an 30 mins serioue talk with me..
i know wat u wan.. but i can't..
i am just 22 and i am still in NS..
i know u like her alot..
i can't afford anything for her..
no compromise and nth..
nth i can gif her..
i have no right to ask her also..
if i got nth like now how to jio her?
and u think i tom cruise meh..
somemore i ugly... i got all the disadvantage...
godfather i am stress up... not onli about me.. and i am always worrying about her..
it just wouldn't get out of my head..
bro since i am free at home.. i came here to do so soul refreshing...
i kind of hate myself, my temper, my weight, my size... just myself..
i was dulan just now with cum's problems.... cause tt happen to me b4 so i know the damn feeling...
and i told her abit it... she ask me dun dunlan and i reply how not to dulan..
fuck la... then come no reply.. fucking felt the regretful ....
now also dunno how... fucking sian lo...
me and my fault... y my temper like tt.. bro how?
i tired of myself.... i need someone... no wat i need is just her....
but like wat sometimes u all will hint me... ppl got their choices..
bro.. ppl r meant to have dreams.. and she is one big part of it..
u all know how important she is...
bo bian.. u all r my most trusted ppl le.. tt y need to ask u all go bangkok.. i know it's hard... i'm sorry after NS i will make it up back to u all... sorry...

and sorry to u....it's my bad to answer like tt.. sorry..
BROS.. like wat u all have told me... this blog i think u all r the onli ones tt read... so i think about it. why do i have to hide u guys from others... ok bros.. u all can comment and talk here le... =)

Still thanks alot bros... rmb to go drunk after my birthdae man... ask godfather where he wan drink... u all take care... i think most of u r on holidae or working ba.. but i dun have the time to meet u all... i'm very sorry bros....
was home the whole day.. cause i was forced to take off.. i have over 40 daes off... and just nice todae i dun have any task in hand so my boss forced me to take off.. haha..
but an off dae is not east to pass man...
even thought i slept at 1 ytd...and wake up at 12 todae..is the longest i have slpet.. but i keep waking up in the middle... i dun feel like i have take the 11 hrs slp...
haha.. nvm
the later part of the day i was making phone call here and there...
settle the ppl in bangkok... bo bian asked them for a big flavour... still got to talk more to make them happy and willing to help me...
heee actually i came here is because while i was surfing aimlessly on the web i found this...

The problem stemmed from a difference in approach. To many men a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. Mark thought he was reassuring Eve by telling her there was something she could do about her scar. But often women are looking for emotional support, not solutions.

When my mother tells my father she doesn't feel well, he invariably offers to take her to the doctor. Invariably, she is disappointed with his reaction. Like many men, he is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.

i am just like a normal man, telling the solution, however after looking at these i kind of like understand why i keep getting the reply SIAN.. or something same.. but i dunno wat to text back.. kind of need to read more ba.. haha or someone can tell me???? heee
todae every shit tt can fall on a person fall on me..
ytd nite.. first step into this shit dae...
i dream of myself dead.. in my own funereal, onli got godpa, bear, alfread, gamer, phyco, ite and chunyip.
not even my family is there.. is like i also dunno wat to say it just wake me u at 2 when i start to slp at 12.30.
nvm then come second one.. cannot get to slp so prepare for my mock test. then wat i study did not come out for the test.. sian liao lo... after then result come back 60%.. wth...
also nvm.. next... go out to ns.. take lift until downstair forget to bring ez-link card... go back take.. then in lift see one siao uncle.. knn smoke in lift.. ccb..
nvm... then go busstop.. wait for 240 wait fucking long...
nvm... then got on bus find a sit, sat down.. one auntie brought laska on bus packet one.. dunno whu will wan to eat laska early the the morning sia... then cause bus pack she sit beside me.. then got one uncle push until her hand.. her laska fall then kena my shoe and jeans... early in the morning...
nvm... reach jp faster go toilet wash... then toliet got ppl shit.. fucking smelly...
nvm... then went to take camp bus.. just saw the bus.. it went off.. i am late liao lo..
nvm... go camp.. first thing late kena fuck
nvm... hope the other will be ok.. then coem call me here and there knn.
nvm... when i doing secret with my friend, maj call.. ask the guy doing with u malay ar? i say yes.. he say malay canot touch secret.. WTH.. then ask e everything do myself..
nvm.. i do... do for like very 10 min he call me do this do that like i very free like tt..
nvm.. then i neeed to rush all this by fri cause mon course start... if not fri i no need go home liao... then he keep adding more workload on me..
nvm.. then forget lunch..
nvm.. wan to buy redbull... sold out...
nvm.. forget it go back my room do.... air-con spoil....knn
nvm.. end up and with lots of paper and pen knife cuts..
nvm.. do until 5 thoguht can go home rest awhile... then sir see me say choke.. edwin mess up the AIOC returning of books... help him out.. wth.. meaning i stay back to help...
nvm.. then all the sir all look for me give me all sort of stupid reason for missing books and lost pages...
nvm.. finally can go home.. changed.. wan to step out of office... another student coem gif me shit...
nvm.. do lo.. walk out of sdc.. nvm tuck in shirt.. kena from warrant officer cb...
nvm.. walk cross sdc... door closed...
nvm.. walk one big round.. reach busstop get on the bus no ppl... press the bell..uncle dun wan stop de lei...passed one busstop...
nvm.. i walk back.. while walking to shuinan house downstair de busstop.. dunno how i kick one stupid stone and fall down..
nvm.. saw the busstop missed 99... and ping in the bus too...
nvm.. reach home wan use com.. both com bro use..
nvm.. then wan to eat dinner whole dae nv eat.. mum cook all those i dun like one..
nvm.. go bath.. fall down in bathroom..
nvm.. sit down dun wan move.. father scolding me y nv help mum do this do tt...
after allt his shit happen just in a dae.. u think is this a dae???
todae is a really dunno wat dae???
i 'm confused here.. really..
am i wrong??? wrong pls tell me... someone
fucking scold me or wat... tell me i'm in wrong..
really felt useless...
first time trying my really best to help but i still failed!
waking up at 7 just to go down to alfred house to wear my business suit. where i dun touch it at all...
then when down damn early when i am suppose to meet him at 9.. reach at 8...
while waiting think of all the things i can say to him..
however he keep wanting me to join his sch.. wtf la... first i dun study their courses.
second why is it tt u got space for me and her when u dun have space for her??? bulllshit la....
talk to him for 1 and a half hours.. still can't.. then he got to leave... and it's start pouring... get on a cab get to alfred house the way from the road to his house. i was really down... drench in the pouring rain.. feeling so heavy like nv before...
really felt very bad...
haiz....

i thought after this i can rest welll... cause for the whole week i have nv slpet for more than 3 hrs a dae... somemore was sick on mondae got to go hospital in the nite...

somemore on wed i'm going for operation on my knees... there is onli 75% success rate.. i dunno how.. but i think i will take it... haiz.. can't seem to slp... haiz
i dunno y i felt like this but i am,
feeling tt i have done something wrong by look at ur reply..
i i know u r very tired...
or maybe is me whu thinks too much..
i have been trying to help to think of ways to help.. but i still cannot get the solution and i haven told u , and tt wat i scared. u going to be sina and cannot sleep well..
tt the reason y i dun wan to tell u i am sick too..
but i know is ping whu tell u i dun blame him cause he know how much u mean to me.
i'm just blaming myself tt i am useless.. now my left arm is like totally no strength.. sian.. and i stil got things to help in.. i afraid tt this will failed and i dun wan it to fail..
back home..
just feel like blogging..
nth much even thought in my brain i think there is aleast a hundred things i wan to blog about..
but firstly is my keyboard is giving me problems... i got to retype the word dunno how any times then it get corrected...
but i dun think i will blog everything out since no pl will actually look at these..
i think???

actually wat i wan to blog about is just one thing...
i just wan u to live happy with ur life...
not worrying about wat ppl think even me..
cause wat ever u do as long as it make sense and u dun regret it.. practically i dun object or say nag to u..
as long as u think about it..
tt wat i always hope for you..

i dun think i will blog about other stuff ba...
kind of relief feeling come into me these few dae.. so ok ba.
ppl please get plenty of rest...
dun fall sick...
is in GOOD MOOD TODAE...
still ok la... haha.. even thought i was just studying..
even thought form next week onward i got to wake up at 4.30 everydae to study...
but ytd i was happy.. i get to see ur face in close range again.. even though it is something i shouldn't do..
just to put it simply.. I"M HAPPPY CAUSE OF U~~ lala
wake up with just 3 hrs of slp but not feeling tired lol..

had a strange dream just now... meet her but lost my army secret stuff.. army too stress le ba.. lolz

this week kind of like blur blur to pass ba..

from mondae dunno y head had been spinning until ytd.. eating dunno how many panodol a dae, dun really rmb things.. super short term memory..

then wed morning went for my trainning safty officer course which last 3 day..
wed morning still okok.. until about lunch time ping call me, where i am not suppose to use my phone. he say urgent in sms so i pick up. during my break, whu know he pop this kind of news to me.. but then wat i can say, not tt i dun wan to care is tt without him telling me.. i will be the last person on earth to know ba..
but still i called. when the call is not answer i was like an ant on a hot pot. dunno wat to do. go back to class with my phone on, it rang and i just pick it up.
my sir look so stunt at me but after i hang up i kena scold until like dunno wat... plus tt dae the test i got onli 56% when i always get 90 and above...

wed i dunno how i walk but almost fall down twice in just 5 min time.

thurs was like hell of a great spin.. head was really in pain and spinning around but is till got to go for the course.. but aleast i get 64% this time around but still i kena scold...

fri.. nv go for course cause going to the police station. but i take the test early in the morning i spend my time reading on it on thurs nite. finally manage to get a 92%... so sir is still happy about it.. then i went to the police station with my father and bro. due to the case which is about 1 year ago le ba.. wack my neighbour thing la..stupid de la.. i waited at police station for like 3 hrs to see the stupid police to tell me i get warning for 12 month.. with a stupid attidue then i am pissed of for the dae.. really pissed off... then went to hospital got to wait again.. dunno wat is my nurse so busy about... maybe i was just not in the mood la.. she talk to me i also nv say much her jokes not funny... sorry...
then went to see the doc, gave me 1 injection one each knee.. fucking pain.. then got to lie on the bed for 2 hrs before i can go.. so wait again ba...

reached home damn sian and pissed off..
actually i am really grate and gald tt u talk to me... ia m sorry tt i am still in tt mood.. my temper have been going from bad to worst le... gettitng pissed off easily nowadae... now is alot better le after long long talk with cum.. from like 12mn to 6 in the morning..lolz
dunno wat to say.. but i cannot see facebook all the time, i am just nobody to u but i care.. please let me know...
i really dunno wat had gotten into me for this few daes..
cannot get to slp and work problem come in...
haiz...
drink lots of coffee and drink to keep myself working.
talking to chunyip and ping really helps.. thanks bros...
sorry but i really cannot do the way u all ask to..=)
but then i have clear my mind just now wahile walking at jp...
i really stupid stupid me, sorry sorry for gifing u tt attitude.
once again tml is mondae..
later got to go back camp.. another stupid 5 daes..
onli looking forward to weekend...
last week pass really fast ba.. but enjoyed, dun even feel tired even thought i was like busy??
haha.. FIRST OF ALL

HAPPY BIRTHDAE TO GERALDINE LEE...

haha.. ya i had given the present to her really hope tt she like it. cause i tried new things instead of just buying.
haha like the walking bear. search for it high and low for like 6 months, onlne, oversea, shop cannot find it.
lucky to be finally found at marine square arcade. those grabing machine, whcih i nv play b4.
haha but then make tt effort to try cause i need it badly, haha. lots of ppl looking at me la..it not like play once then got it le... tt 40 mins there grabbing feel like 3 years there. then i can even sweat when it's ar-con palce and not moving at all.haha
cumber knows this feeling too cause after me is him.. haha but diff things.

find liqour store for tt 3l martell was hard too.. but ttt wat i wan..lolz. 21 lei.. wothout something tt can stunt ppl is like not fair. haha

then goes the flower. sad lo.. the auntie still disturb me.. say 1st time buy flower ar? so shy meh? still ask about my age lo.. say i 22 liao nv gif flower b4 meh.. wth de auntie..nvm i still happy with the flower she sell it to me.. haha even thought she is stunt by my order. such a big order.haha 21 flower...hahaha
bits and pieces of thing here and there but i feel tt everything i do is worth it.
just by looking at her smile when the dae the event held. =)

still got to say thanks you to her for letting me to be a part of her important step in her life.. THANKS YOU!!!

P.S not just 5 years.. it will still goes on and on..=)
suddenly i just think of 28 july 2004..haha
tt dae i tell myself lots of stuffs...
from tt dae to todae i done alot of stupid things along the way..
but i learn from ppl.. listen and now i am here..
haha.. looking back is funny...
where else.. i dun see me losing those important ppl around me...
ppl maybe just be a bypasser in my life..but then all these ppl build me from bits and pieces..
i know things i do ppl may not agree.. but i know tt there r ppl standing by me..
i know whu they are and i really wan them to know whu u really r..
i tried to help u all as much as possible but forgive me if i did it the wrong way or it is not within my abilitly to..
i ain't no superman.. but
i choke chong hwee here...
with just one message or phonecall..
i will do my best either to be there or try to help things out or talk to u about facts, even finding ppl tt can help u within my range..or by my own ways...=)
so actually there is nth for u all to hide from me.. i am not tt bad ba... hope ppl will tell the truth... thanks you very much..
i cherish all the ppl being in my life now or past even future.. THANKS YOU!
yo.. back here... as always it's been a long time. lots of things happened.

chinese new year when back... was very stunt when i got the message when i was about to come back.
back then i was like hoping to see the message.. haha 1 week lei.. go there kena suay like dunno wat... ask me this ask me tt.. even ask when i going to give birth to let other paly.. crazy enough..haha

after tt back le went marina square with ping cum and his ber. done something so pia seh lo... first time in my life sia... wat to do??? the thing can onli be found there nearest to wat i wan le...haha

then something make me feel sian and heart sunken... is my bro bear.. he called me so happily really so happy.. i nv hear him so happy b4 even when his gf agree to marry him.. but then sorry bro u know tt is not the case.. sorry tt my effort doesn't make it there. sorry tt i mislead u.. sorry to let u drop down from such a high mood tt i nv see b4.. sorry..

then come my army... work work and work...
ya.. i went for my pes status check on tue.. i got no more high blood pressure and heart problem le... hahah glad to hear tt... i request to up my pes to become combat fit so tt i can slim down by the harsh way. but they still need my doc report. which is tml..i have ask my doc not to give my leg report... he didn't really say ok.. but just hope he do it my way.. just trying to look for my motivevation somewhere there... tt all thx
long time nv come back here..
now i am in ns le...
boring lo.. onli work like 5 months and i am the 2ic of my dep le..
the sian part is i do so many things and i am onli getting 400 per month... sian..

nth much ba...
this year dunno is a bad year or wat??
lot of ppl breaking up or quarrel or watever la.. alot of stunts come out...
and sio ba too..
she not bad can make me so angry de... wth..
even my "bro" also DONE something not gd at ALL....another wth...
but u lucky she dun let me do lo...
u idiot.. dunno wat u thinking de la..haiz...

lucky she got her friend around... wth... dun talk about tt de la..
and stop destroying my effort... 5 and a half year le ok....

ZZZzzz
i have been think y does ppl in this world got so much to worry got so much to think.
so much happen in relationship and life?
does heaven really wan to paly on us or does we make our fate?
cause alex is having relatioship, family and money issues. and i can't even do a single thing to help him feel better.

and i here have realtionship or no. is one sided ship lolz. i was wondering y when she is just a normal friend to me i got to worry so much thinking so much. and her ONE sms will like bring my happiness lvl up over 100%. just like wat ping say when we were working we keep looking into phone whu are we acctually thinking of??
when she ignore me, first i dunno wat have i done wrong. second can i have the reasons for the ignore?. lastly y i am feeling so really down? even alex can see it.

and then here is army. i am going in next mon.
and i also dunno la army is stressing me too... haiz

next is my study.. i really regret y i can't even finished my poly if not i no need to stress so much and wait for my army to finished and i can go to germany and study my uni. now i got to wake up every mon to fri 5a.m to study online class with them.it really stress me lots. cause i can't slp i need to listen to wat the prof say. and then got to do my tutorial and hand in by 4.30p.m everydae and tt the time i wake up..haiz. somemore tyhere is company tt sponser my study but wanting me to work there 8 very years. even thought the pay is really high. 11k pound even month plus house and car inclulded. but i got to gif up so much things. i dunno i am really really stress out. my bros say go lo. when they free they will go over is for my future. but to me i really hate gifing things up.. haiz

i am really stress out... i go read on my note b4 i start my class at 5.
heee... i just back home no long... haha.. i feel really happy todae..
not cause by ppl.. is by myself...
cause for 5 years todae is and one dae le.. cause ytd nv update..=X haha
thinking back all the stupid things i have done... haha.
but u are still there standing first out of anyone... haha.
i also dunno y i nv change in a way..=)
nv felt this happy....=)
wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. haha
sian ar sian. dunno why i am more sian then ever.. first my dad keep nagging about the statement tt i am going to gif on thurs. which is why my mouth got 1 scar. sian and another thing which the about 90% tt it makes me feel sian is tt, dunno why i have this very very strong feelings tt i stand nowhere in ur heart, dun say ur heart i think even brain. i will not cross the path of ur thinking. tt is my feelings and this is the very first time i felt. heart just sank. even when bear just call to say hi. i was like so cool to him. even he knows tt i am tihnking about u. but maybe is tt he with me too long le ba.. forget it.. =) bye and my pay rise..which should be happy but i am not....
haha long time since i blogged.. very very long sia. march to now is like 3 months.hahaa opps. dunno wat to write la. haha.

just wan to say i am injuried haha.. my lips is broken now. the doc wanna stich me but i dun wan. i afraid of noodle and stuff la. pain lei.

cause i fight with my neighbour.haha lame story la.. haha.
now mc for 3 daes dunno wan to do wat. cannot even go work.. wtfZZZzzzzzz
now the time is 4.25a.m i am suppose to be slping due to my mum cause she wan me to go and pray later in the morning but i going out at 6a.m..
todae is a special dae for choke cause of this very best friend so call the first best friend he have in his life but then he end he life on this very dae 10 years ago 1998 when both of them was 10 years old.
actually up to now no knows actually knows much about this cuse is very specal to choke. on this very dae 10 years ago choke changes.
choke was a very timid and talk big boy when he was young. this friend he knows from K2 name garren keng plays with him, darren was a running boy run here and there and like tracksand feild and all the camps in pri sch. he si the same calss as choke all the way. choke treat him better then his ow bro. listen to him and everything he says mean alot to choke. choke join basketball and he join track and feild. they talk alot togther shared their dreams. but until this very dae 10 years ago, in corporation pri i was 4.40p.m choke was having his training so is garen and he is trying for javalin. thengarren was so happy he throw the javalin and it fflew quite far without wasiting he run for his javalin tt landed a distance away. and he teacher throw the javalin without notice him. and just as choke look by right infront of his eyes the javalin pierce through his body. choke ran there seeing al blood and garren was not moving at all. tt when choke really cry and feel his heart pain till now.
choke rmb this " when i grow up i wan to be an engineer, i wan to go outwads bound and have lot of camp and advanture i wan to throw javalin like how pro throw so far"
favourite waords of all tme"nomatter wat smile"
Till todae...
after not coming online for so long.. i come to write something..haha..
actually got nth to type also..
just for inspiration u can see this video..
http://www.sgclub.com/singapore/nick_vujicic_105690.html
u will understand.. how ever i don't..
to say really i understanding tt he is trying so hard to stand up and continue walking with limbs...
but y ppl with limbs like ppl is like rotting of their life....
i dun quite understand even after i see the video..
now i have totally no aim in my life..
no goals.. goals have been taken away from me by noone but myself...
cause nth will happen without a cause...tt wat i belives in..
and when there is no pain there will no be no gain..
somemore i feel so strange cause i just wake up and i am here to type this kind of i dunno wat.... haha...

btw i having my driving test on 19 dec haha.. 13-14 zoukout working 16 i wan to change phone to LG KS20 =)..then 19 TP like so busy ar... 20 my younger bro birthdae... haha.. dun care..lolz..

ok i go back to play games le... cya
firstly it have been so long since i am back here...

secondly really alots of things have changed... not to say the worst of all that i haven been thinking really came...

lastly my attitude have gone from worse to worst.. like tt dae.. bear call me got pro at st james there... i was so bad mood tt i go there without thinking i just wack those guys... i didn't even listen which wat i always will do first.. then i just ask bear send me back... even bear is stunt. my 11 bros have been tiring to contact me.. i will answer but with the bad attitude... sorry bros is not i dun wan to share with u.. i i dun even have the courage to face u all.. i know how much u all have done for me and tt why... i really dun even know whu i am le...

even todae.. went to play bb with si ping they all.. there come tong lin if not wrong... i know he always paly rough with elblow all those..todae he was with me the same tteam all tyhe time i also dunno y.. after i seen he eblow si ping in my brain was all fire.. therefore u will see me inside the red circle cause when i am in i dun think he will do things..even time change team i wan to be opp wit hhim but.. dunno la... dun let me have the chance is all i can sae....

haiz really la.. choke is no more choke... i think i can have the same name as bo yan.."zombie"...
it have been ages since i am back here...
but my mood is like on fire due to someone...
i really can help it... what i wan to do is to really kill him..
i was toking to bear and fred ytd to settle on him...
what i can say is both of them ask me to cool down first dun look for him on my own account.. cause they know i really will kill him with my bare arms...
ppl u all nv know my background tt well so u dunno.. i am nto as good as all of u all thinks... i life is like so messy with this and that... haiz
no mod to even eat not to even say go out.... and cumber start his 6 month work le.. i am bored.... fuck la... i am angry again.. bye!@
haha my birthdae pass lo.. i 20 liao so sian..
like tt is my 20 years of my life passed...
hee... thanks those tt actually me for my birthdae as well as wishes me...
hee.. thanks for the very very nice video by ger...

now is exam period le.. everyone seem so busy but y am i so free.. actually i also dunno.. the mood of studying still not here yet.. but i will study cause i dun wan to be depress and stress again but the result...i dun wan to let my life down..

=).... and dunno y nowadae i wan to protect ppl so much..=)
tt all ba i going down to cut my hair... haha
ok now i have learnt most of the thing and the most important just let it go..ok..
so now i dun care le... just wan to study and paly...=).. bb... i tihnk u will nv see this too..haha
me very sick here..arhh... wanted to blog but really sick liao..
doing project here and there..
thanks geraldine LEE.. dunno y she will pop out of my worst times everything and just by talking make me feel not better but good... dunno y she timing always so correct one.. =).. my nose sux now canot take it... i go lie on my bed le... u all take care dun be like me...
Choke here..
really emoing..
worry over someone..
thinking this and that really tt mind is there thinking..
however choke here can do nth...
dunno y.. tihnk is my fault.. no handsome enough..
no courage at all.... shy like a fucker..
stupid like a dunno watever...
that isn't the pro..
the pro is wat am i worrying about??
why??? why can i say he will take over everything and i here nagging about??
wat man.. choke r u a man??? tell me.. wtf have u been doing...
ppl treat u good.. u like dun wan to say... I MISS YOU very diffvult to say meh???
ppl hint like so FUCKing LOTS IS LOTS OF TIMES..and u urself knows...was like SHY???
DUN cock with me SHY??? DUN see U FIGHTING SCOLD SCOLD PPL SHY...
IS lIKE u think ppl onli got u a guy??? ppl got so many guys out there u think u who..rich guy??? handsome??? wat u have u tell me??? SAY!!!
i know u have nth but records records and records in police centre...
then u think ppl wan??? u vn say onli.. say liao i think u no friends at all la... SUCKER.. IDIOTS FUCK OFF
see that wat u have done to urself... ppl will do their part is their choices.. not ur..
u bloodly idiot... u just fucked off and pass ur own messy life la...
wat can u really gif ppl.... u urself dunno.... tt it.. no use one fucked off CHOKE.........
at home slept to abt 2. due to work..
tired tired i am... tt all i say and very sorry sam..
sick la cannot go down.. sorry...
kind of miss my friends and BROS...
2 weeks of holidae is like no holidaes la.. haiz..
i really miss my bros.. 3 of them went to swish..
for dunno how long le..haiz
still dun wan to come back.. sianz..
thinking my life is really diff le.. work and study.
cause wat to do if u drop out the qns keep coming in to my mind..
tt y now at home i will take out my books and look when last time is a nv..
and i nv go out much le.. like i am in a cage like tt..
at home listen to songs study play psp...
but i keep having this mindset tt my life is still in a very very messy way..
maybe cause life did not go as plan or watever..
i now really got the mind set to deletle everything in my mind..
and stat a new life..
but i know tt will nv happen..
cause just like walk u will leave trace on the floor no matter wat u do to it it will stay..
just like the example..
on a whiteboard there is a black dot in the centre..
wat is on the board??
all of u all will say black board..
however have anyone think of it??
wat about the white space??
ya tt wat...like u got millions of good thinks and once there a thing u do wrong tt it.. ur life will live in tt black dot..
ar....... emooooooooooooooooooo
dunno la.. i really wan to tidy up myself and my life...

tt y my msn nick is i smile when i am at my very best...
cause now i not smiling at all.......=(
ok tt all tml ther is sch...
alot things happen haha.. but the same thing i am too lazy to blog everything out..
actually i wan to blog one very long one but time la.. can now cumber is trying to ask me out for lunch..lolz
haha.. work is tiring but FUN... ok la maybe later then i continue ok??
cumber wan me go lunch.. cya
haiz sian lei...
buddy sam happen lots of things.. my side too..
my dad things la...wat to do... haiz he really dunno how to be a father or i say a "true" father. all he know is i talk back. i am bad i go home late.. i dun study and so on so on...nvm dun tok about my dad..
btw i think all of u know i quit national le rite??? is my own thinking ba even though my coach is not happy with it..but it my health tt matter it getting worst.
haha.. now having exam but i am studying at all... ahha
haiz...
emo is flooding into my brain.......
just not feeling anything good...
all the bad feeling coming back...
emo is all i have now.. bye
hee got to post todae...wahaha..
cause i went to sam shop with zombie and I PAY FOR MY SAMBAL RIED RICE...WAHAHAHA
lame izzit?? no if u r our buddies u will know.. he nv let us pay...
but todae i see sam tok and smile to his mum..which is the first time i see felt quite happy..=)
sam come on she is no extra we buddies can chat and laugh together which is fun tt dae tt dinner rite?? just put in more effort and DUN emo with her la...
lolz.. jyjy...
just now when to play bb... fall down..haha u all nv feel earthquake just now???
haha... but i and cumber play serious cause our friend kena look down..nvm dun tok abt tt..
kind of moody in sch.... lonely...
kind of miss alot of ppl...
james, yan, ger, sam,alot more la..haha cause i am so lonely...
mr lonely..
favourite song...haha meant for me..
take care all...
i look at my buddies blog i am the lastest post..wahaha..

i am quite happy now.. not because of anyone but me.. myself..
my mum were kepping the things in her room cuase we just got a new cupboard..
then my mum come across pictures..haha..
then i look at mine very own.. when i was 1-4 after tt no photos le..
haha... very cute tt wat i see la... but now so ugly..lolz...
funnny one...haha... i just brighter up cause i see those pictures...haha..
u all can try it too.. quite nice...haha...
todae i ask zombie to accompany me to chinatown to buy a shaker tin.. but no mixing glass..
when to ps to see ppl play arcade and meet my buddy at his mom's shop..
then cab back to play ball with cumber, jack and si ping.. zombie is here but nv play..

actually i ask him out is because i really dun wan to stay at home...
last week at malaysia i think of lots of things..
almost landed me and my bros in hospital.. due to driving..
cause when i not really in a gd mood i tend to go out and not think of it..
but many r so busy...
zombie can't always go out due to no $$$?
haha.. bros working..
others got stuffs to do ba.. dun wan to disturb them to..

as u all know my problem...
actually is not so bad also.. but.........
there is this very bad guilty in me....
i actually nv plan to this dae...
dissapointing really in myself and no others..
i blame no one but myself...

ok le.. no use emoing here..haha..
tml see can find whu or i go shopping..wahahha..
shock right choke go shopping lei... bye
Now i am really in a stress and depress ++ watever not good mood words...
i am really disapointed with myself....
making so many wrong in myself...
haiz...
NS?
wtf.... not scared but...
haiz...
nvm...
bye..
it have been quite some time since i was here..
very firstly is Sorry james and yan.. we were going to meet on sat but i got to work..
very sorry...
tt dae i went for my first dae of work at zouk as a bouncer...
ok la.. tt job...
tok abt it some others daes..
here i am stress abt alot of things..
there are tonnes od tihngs waiting for me to decide and do...
but i can find a answer myself...
as simple as do i continue to go back to my training??
as a 3rd year student in np.. and my coach wanted me to be in his team.. ask me to play in sch team.. kind fo think.. if i am in sch team means i will go back to national training and i will also play in above 21 and outside team...
hwoever my personal doc tok me.. "choke, i knew u are very strong in beliveing tt u can and will do ur best in basketball. However i think ur knee will not agree to tt.. at ur current x -rays ur knee can MOST likely let u go for training for 2 years and just gave off. u will think tt just gif off nth much.. but the pain it will be.. is unbearable"
after listening to wat he told me weeks ago.. i kind of go into a depress mood...
cause now in my life there is onli family, buddies,bros and basketball.
anyone just go off will make a very big diff in my life and i dun wish too..
haiz.. kind of moody... ok got to slp... bye
todae wasn't a good dae actually.. but was covered by a called from bear, psyco and alfred and nite playing bb with zombie, cumber, wee nain, jack and alex.
firtly i wanted to wake up early to go down eat duck noodle which i craved for it very long le.. but in the end i slp to 11...
go lunch with mum and bro...

went to meet someone and settled things with him..
detail cannot be said as almost all of u also dunno my background haiz..
however a call from my bros trying to tok me out was really gd.. even thoguht bear is sick he still called...and the others working still called in..thx Bros

and the other is tt i am going to be a shakespear in ME in ym sch le.. cause the last one buddy which is going to study with me is going to be dismiss, dunno he can appeal anot, but todae he sounded to me like he is really going for ns le.. kind of sianz u know.. no friends = no class..

after tt we went to play ball was really fun cause we really play and sweat..
thx all...

haiz now i am still thinking of the things tt i got to settled kind of make my sleepless nite coming in..

maybe i will work as a bouncer in zouk..=)
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.
this is wat i result i the quiz.. i felt it is like so real... some la.. some i cannot cfm myself u all say ba...

Think about what you are reading because it's the truth

Why do we ((sleep)) in [[church]],
But stay ((awake)) through a [[2 hour movie]]?
Why is it so ((hard)) to talk about [[God]],
but so ((easy)) to [[Gossip]]?
Why are we so ((bored)) when we look at a [[Christian magazine]],
but find it ((easy)) to read [[Playboy]]?
Why is it so easy to ((ignore)) a [[Godly]] forwarded email,
Yet we ((forward)) the [[stupid]] ones?
Why are ((churches)) getting [[smaller]],
But ((bars and clubs)) are [[growing]]?

i come across this in my mail also.. something fun..haha

haiz.. now a daes was like "haiz"??
nvm make somemore angry.. too playful???
i spoil her dae just like tt...haha..
felt disappointed actually...
it was like know for quite long..
yet playing this kind of stuff can make it this bad...
dun really understand maybe i have changed???
or u have change to better..
puzzle me..
blur me...
disappointed me..
emo me..
haha.. firstly happy V.dae to all...
haha but i will be at home studying.. firstly is tml i having my math exam..and i haven touch much...then second is i got no gf so no ned to do anything hahah..
not like wee nian but 9 roses for $88..wahahah.. exp sia...then i dunno my bro go where with his gf...then bear call me tt he is going to dinner at the new feeriwheel there..haha.. rich ass.. action to me.. lame..haha...
i also dunno what to do...other then study...
let see wat happen since the lastt ime i posted...haha
ytd we went to cck cc to play bb... cumber almost fight with another guy.. haha
stupid them..wahahha.. nvm la got me no one dare fight..hahaha...
actually nth much la...
ya.. about chinese new year..
i went back to malaysia...my dad sold my house..haha.. live at small uncle house for chinese new year...
not enought parking lots for our car..haha...
small uncle got 1.. dad 1, 5 uncle 2, big uncle 1, 4 uncle 1 and me 1 haha so many...
drving back not nice sia.. see quite alot of accident...haiz...
go back everynite i just go out with my friends there to go drink lo..
haha.. we crazy 8 ppl... 4 gals 4 guys we drink up to 4k of drink in one nite...haha
we do it everydae..haha...tired sia.. there also noth to do.. haha. okok i hungry go down eat also go see how amny couple..hahah lame me...
dun feel like slping at the moment and i will be having class in like 11 hrs later or even shorter..
cause just back from downstair.. with cumber for his supper and had a like heart to heart toks..
maybe he is like real blood bro.. cause almost everydae we spend time together..
and we tok our heart out..
wat ever problems both of us r having.. i think in this world he know me the best..
he kind of knows m background which almost no ppl knows..
my pain and my happiness.. many things...
kind of emo now...not because of toking to him but myself...
i find it so wierd...
tt i really wanted to like do this very thing but my heart dun bring me to.. and there are tonnes of reasons for it... cumber knows this...haha...
but i still can't get over it. haiz..
emo in process.. go and play game le.. bye..
PHEW~ i finally finished my powerpoint presentation...
accompany with my headach and dizzy... somemore ytd work until quite late.. now still have it..kind of very tired...
to dae o lvl result come out.haha...
Good luck all..~..
thanks sam fro gd luck too..haha.. thanks..
yoyo.. forgtet how amny "millions" of year i am not here..haha.. firstly
a VERY LATE HAPPY NEW YEAR...haha..
kind of a brand new year with new wishes and new plan. changes to be make for myself..haha
but i am not telling u all wat r all those.. cause i haven finished thinking myself..haha
let see wat happen(those i rmb la)..
like todae??
say now first haha...
i am here actually wan maple but no ppl wan maple with me.. paly for 1 hrs get bored of it..
then keep coughing and blowing my nose cause block... and ulcers make it worst..
now coming to blog which will be a very long one..haha..
ok now is todae...
morning nth cause i nv go co..
then afternoon lunch with cumber eat porrige due to both of us not well..
he is down but stomache flu if i am not wrong..
but we still went all the way down to kallang to see the match with boyan..
sam was not free so sad if not is BUDDY gathering..haha.. nvm there will always be a next time...haha...the matach was not nice at all..ref like cock eyes or ghost eyes.. cause some nv blow then nth he also can blow..haha.. lame rite..
i and cumber was so bored tt we become crazy there..haha.. cheer on the other team cause we dun like s'pore slingers la...haha..
shout here and there..haha..
but s'pore slinger still win like 112 to 93 or something like tt.. haha i dun rmb this kind of things...
but i rmb we got 7 ticket but onli 3 of us go.. so we like go in 2 time..the counter gal like so blur..haha..
after tt boyan cheat us.. he went to his sis house which is at old airport rd which is very near there.. CHEATER...haha.... i and cumber back on own...
we went to jurong west to eat..haha then walk back otw actually i wan to buy something for my mum toeat but nv open..haha then i kena cumber scodl sia.. he always bully me..hahaha.. cause can take bus home one..haha.. then rest of the time i play com lo.. haha..
okok.. sat now...sat nite went down to sam place to bb.. but he nv come cause his mum bring him to change phone..haha nvm nvm...3 of us paly there.. did not play properly..haha.. boyan too long nv play like like become lousy la...haha... nvm la.. slowly lo...but think of it there no ppl can block me and cumber le...
haha.. action sia..hahahahahaha....yaya.
afternoon i and cumber dunno go where eat then we go jp play...
then when we wan to go ger call.. said the r4 i buy cannot use.. so i met her and friend and her mum to take back and i call boss he say he is oversea need to wait for him back la.. but later ger call again say no need she ask her friend..haha.. after tt she say is format wrong ym one not r4 buy is dstt.. but can use one..haha.. so np le..
others dae i forget le...something i got rmb la..
i got go sam palce palce bb he got come..haha...
i and cumber got go take my laptop after getting repaired...
went to sch..lolz?..
i forget abt the others...lolz
yaya.. went sp on 2 of it's 3 daes open house...
1 dae with cumber and sam.. cause he wan to go ask abt able to get in ma..
we walk here and there.. the sch is so big la.. diffcult to find things lo. 3 of us walked like some idiots....but the end of the dae cannot got to wait for 2 years..so we go crazy and went back to np with sam...
then the next dae... went to sp with cumber cause he wan to meet his online friend haha.. but see liao he also sianz cause is like so young innocent"nerd" gal?
haha.. waste of time haha...cause i dun like sp la.. too big.. due to the dae b4..haha
then we went down to bugis to meet cumber sis and her friend casue they were shopping there la
we were like some bodygurds la..haha.. cause u all know me i dun shop...haha.. lazy to shae my comment on them la... but cumber sis ask him he will come to ask me..haha lame lo..
we like went alot of place... bugis , tiong babru and jp i think... and the mrt was so clamp la...
then when going to reach jp cumber make a stupid joke on me... tt make a gal laugh until whole face red..haha..lame him..
i think tt all i rmb cause.. now my cough and block nose is gettign worst.. and nowadaes i kepp hearing the eeeeeeeeeeeeeee sound in the slient nite...
damn it... ok la i dunno wat to do next le.. see how..
haha bb
hahaha.. i am HERE!!!!
exam weeek la.. sianz lo...
haha
...
here just to ask james to take care..
cause this bro of mine is going for NS TML..
haha.. very nice bro of mine and always on "low HP"
haha...
actually.. nvm.. think tml i will blog ba....
JAMES TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!
haiz hasn't been in gd mood.. but
HAPPY BIRTHDAE SUFYAN.. if i nv rmb wrongly..=X
haha.. old liao la bro.. haha wich all ur wishes come true and be happy..wAHHAHA
haha..

my heart is up to mischief nowadaes... quite pain...
dunno y.. cause most of the time it will pain onli if i stress too much or over do my body..
but i nv lei...
lolz lame me...
haha...
tt dae go yan bbq fun lei.. paly football... haha.. uncle tong still kick like before..wahahah.. hope he dun kill me...haha...
ok la now my heart quite pain... update next time...=)
Todae is not a good day at all...
early in the morning cumber and i make someone angry which is really bad enough...
after tt alot others things happen..
the teacher which normally will not even say ppl..
todae i kena scold cause i daydream???WTF lo...
sianz.. alot of bad things la.. sianz... got to do my 2.5k words report..
tml sill need to stay back after sch to do my i&E project lo..
sianz++++...
haiz..bye
eh i forget wat i wan to blog liao.. afternoon i still toking with cumber wat i wan to blog.. haha..
but sad enough cumber break off.. is his cheryl ask for it.. at around 3.30a.m..
i knew he is sad even thoguht he still laugh..haha.. cause just now went doen to shoot ball as to tok la.. not really shoot balls..haha..
die la i really forget wat i wan to write liao... kind of crazy.. haha..
brain useless le.. helping ger to find her songs..haha... dunno which one she wants also..haha..
yoz.. another long time have pass... just a blink weekend is gone..
haiz.. happy time also pass fast..
lolz..
todae rotted.. cause ytd too late slp.. i slept at 6..
then actually can go co one.. but become lazy... hee..
then afternoon send my younger bro go work at marriot.. haha
become choke 3 bros work there before..wahahah
then back..later go out with cumber.. actually wanna go bedok cause his friend married ba.. but in the end too far la.. so ask his parents o help him gif his present which we went to buy on sat...haha..then went to town insteas to eat mac i should say???
haha.. lame??
then see my bro work there then tok cock with shuinan.. went home around 9.30.. take 174 then slp over my busstop go jp..haha.. change bus... waste money as my bus pass start tml...
and i am BROKE.. lend ppl to much.. become i poor... byuy bus pass need to lend money from my boss(cumber)..lend 50.. then i tell him i will pay in 50 years installments..ahah... one year 1 dollar..wahaha..
sat went to prawning with cumber james yan and zombie... the suay thing is i pay 26 and prawn NOTHING..wahaha.. kind of waste money but fun..haha...
then yan and james go off first..
then whu knows alex appear...then go taman urong paly arcade to 2+..haha..
wait for cumber go down eat again...
all his fault la.. i misses someone msn... idiots him..
then paly psp to 6 then slp...haha.. lame..
make me so tired todae... ok guys it's about time to rest..
nite guys.. update soon...~ wahaahahaha
heee... sorry buddys and all.. i haven been updating..
hehe.. let me list main events these daes....
hee...
Just now out with ger and cumber...to jp and central.. james and yan not free lei..
haha..bo bian.. one got ot work the other just woke up..hee..

then i think is drinking at eski bar where i worked b4...the palce nv change la..but the ppl there all change not ven a single one i know...

haha..shuinan trying to jio the gal somemore..haha..but the drinks there all standard liao.. but still got my creation..sleeping polar bear..
can go try but i dunno now de bartender gd ma...mix not gd not mine problem..haha

then before tt is cumber birthdae went out to bugis and ps..
cumber see his friend which is now his gf but he dun wan to say..haha..nvm my blog onli close ppl looks..wahahah...
tt dae treat james zombie and chunyip eat pastas maina i think.. $60++ but long time one la s nvm hee...

then i thought over it.. i should not skip so amny lesson i going for all now.. bo bian i dun wan to fail...ok here i go off...hee... see u guys again..hee
okok firstly to zombie I AM NOT GOING TO COPY ANYTHING FROM U..wahhaah
haha.. okok.. let see wat shld i blog about..
actually i also dunno.. let see...
i really think i have been skipping lots of classes..
but i can't afford to drop out cause i am a PR which is on goverment granted if i drop out i got to pay goverment ovr 10k..
haiz... sianz lo..
haiz....i sianz lo.. dunno why every
nite is sianz + sianz= VERY sianz...
getting broke liao....
cause i just get my monthly money of 80 BUCKS..
u see i get onli 80 per month.. i belive all of u get more then me in a week ba..
lolz... i am a poor guy...
donate pls.. thanks.. lolz..

i think i shld also write something emo.. since all of us buudy emos..
lolz..

mine is actually not tt emo compare to them.. haha..
cause my everything happen is my own fault...
tt is why i am always so reget abt her..
but i know there will not be changes to it...
so i will be ur gd friend to help in watever..
i think tt is the best i can do..
in order not to make life diff for u..
tt is y u will not see me anyhow sms or call u..
which i really wan to.. but... nvm ba..
u happy can le...i am really happy..
cause ur smile means everything to me...
=)...and u kept something to me.. still say say everything to me...
lucky i got my bro cumber to tell me.. dun worry he just told me those he can...
not all.. cause i am still not clear abt wat happen.. lolz
take care la....
erm... actually i sshould be in sch now.. which is IS class...
but i am here at home.. cause since sundae nite..
when i was working...
i have this very feeling tt there is someone whu is close to me is feeling sad or got something bad happen... but i dunno whu is he /she..
but i can feel it... dunno y... lame me
ok la i still need to do my work even thought i skip class.. bye..
and tt someone pls tell me anything tt happen to u... thanks
long long time nv update le....
lolz.. first week of sch is like no sch...
is off myself one.. lolz..
lolz.. lame. me..
very bored me.. lonely sia..without my buddy sammi..
haiz...kind of like tt ba.. bored lo sch..
sianz...


then really kind of miss her..
like wat zombie blog say..

You seem really happy with your life but I really wonder if you are really happy. Somehow you show me that you are happy but the things you say always contradicts with the message you want to convey. I just hope that you are really happy, I mean REALLY happy. Well I guess I will just look at you from far, nothing more or nothing less. Just want to see you happy. I wanted to say so much but seems like it got stuck or something, sighs. Hope you can find the right person for yourself.

cause she is not with me.. with someone she is happy with..
haha...nvm la.. i think i go do my report for my MP le.. 2500 words.. haiz..
actually i very long nv update le....
todae i went to NUH with my mum.. saw my doc..
she say how come i here?
i say to see her..
she smile until dunno like wat sia.. siao one.. lolz..
nth much todae la...
ytd go work lo.. with shuinan.. ong time nv work at marriot liao..
gd tt now they have XXXL one.. haha
last time i wear XL like tight fit...
now gd gd..but wet ytd casue 40+ table.. haha
then morning went shuinan house to see the secert?
the jay chou one... with chang beer.. lols.. morning 11 plus..
but see see.. think if i have a ghost gf is good also...
cause to me gf is nv like things which is to be show off to others..
to let me care and love one... lolz.. lame me rite...haha



then i forget wat i do before le...
i know my bros,james , yan and cumber are gd..
cause we went to lots of stupid place and eat alot diff places..
haha.. like little india???
wahahha crazyenough???
go sentosa.. go alot places la.. haha...


and to my sch buddies, esp sam, i really prayed hard for u to pass ur appeal..
arbo there are lesser and lesser buddies in sch.. left zombie,cumber and me onli..
i dun wan... rmb we still got street ball club haven up and our ngee ann sch team haven fight? arh pls god let him pass.. heaven shine on him pls.. thnaks real lots..
haha.. actually i also dunno y i wake up damn early todae..
cause ytd drink??
i dirnk myself ytd ntie.. like siao one.. haha somemore is like 1a.m??
to like abt 3a.m i still to feel abit dizzy..
haha then i slp lo.. my chivas 18 years from full bottle drink until left like 10%
lolz... somemore no mixers..haha siao sia.. vedry long nv drink liao..haha
btw ytd my buddy,sam PASSED his TP..scold him beforedunno for wat emo he is having haha... see buddy u can one rite? i nv see wrong ppl..wahahaha..
ok la i think going out to meet buddy get pay... nite bro for dinner.. i TREAT..wahhaha
okok byeZ

Choke Chong Hwee...
HaRpEr
DeAtHkNiGhT
Alot of nick names..
08081988
started to protect. om 28 july =)
Choker8@hotmail.com
CPS=>BLSS=>NP(ME)=>Army
LeO
DrAgOn
SaMsUnG L760
LaMer
NiTe CaTs
RoTtEr
BrO To EnD
LoNeR
DrInKeR
BaRTeNdEr
BaLlEr


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