-=Continue Till the dae i can't protect u=-

2012-02-20T00:57:00.002+08:00

my nose sucks now...
running like fuck..
i think is because from fri till now nv slp much or well ba..
due to traveling too much ba..
haven been through woodlands checkpoint and tuas checkpoint 4 times..
can't stay there cause sat afternoon i got a meeting to attend cannot run.

went there to have a nite chat with bros..
check out the hotels..
and talk to those gang head there for so little help ba....
then left 3 of they there to enjoy then i need to be back..
nth much happen ba.. just in and out to ensure things runs..

nth to hide here ba.. this is my personal space..haha
whu cares la...
like wat my bros told me...
y not just be there..
my answer is simply..
not my status and right to be there..
simply ask back the qns to urself ba..
which friend will go ba..
all human r selfish ba..

i nv fail in wat pl ask me to do..
cause i am very objective person...
but in relationship.. i can't...
i wanted too.. but i can't...
ok the relationship is not just boy girl la..
include my bros and my group..
as much as i can help i will..

is because i seen too many of the sad cases happened before..
i just dun wish anyone around me to leave before i leave ba...
sometime whether i happy or wat doesn't matters..
cause right now.. i just wan those ppl around me to smile..
tt is my onli aim.. even i am tied in my time or money..
i will squeeze out from where ever i can..

this idea come long ago but i nv act as i think...
till the dae my own godfather whu teach me so much in my life tt i treat him better than my own father.. got cancer..
then is when i saw my dad and mum break down..
until now i still rmb tt very scence very clearly now..
is just tt heart wrecking.. even thought from young i always hate my dad..
then is one is my sis-in-law good sis went missing and found dead...
u see a lively person just look like zombie for weeks..

all this just teach me.. money is the worst thing on earth..
life and happiness is the most important things one can have..

i nv wanted ppl to know how rich i am...
i always bring just enough...
or sometimes not enough.. hee..
cause simply when u r rich u can nv find any true friend..
u all may say tt is untrue..
but i experience this before or even now...
with my bros.. is ok cause i know them for a long time..
next is with my group of course i'm happy..
cause they r my good friend listen to each others and gave advice no matter wat it is.they r my bros too.. just tt they nv go through the blood dripping and praying..
haha..
then there r times tt when i go out with my bros to meet someone of tt kind of cases..
or even in dragonfly..
i hate it..

after all.. wat i want is ppl around me to be healthy and smiling.. =)

2012-02-06T01:11:00.002+08:00

i am here to rattle again...

i just feel like i pass my whole life too fast...
which make my own mindset becoming very strange or stupid to ppl...
but i really feel tt woman r scary... without knowing they can feel...

let talk about my life..
from young... i was in basketball team which make me learn alot...
ok tt like everyone know...

let say something most ppl know.. which i was trying to hide as much as possible.
i was normal back then.. till i was sec 1..
i knew bear which is my bro now..by the way i got a total of 11 bro..
total we are 12 bros... haha.. must say.. later CHEE TAU say i nv say him again..
haha sorry la... most of the time bear, fred, gamer, ite and physco meet most of the time..
haha.. can blame him for all this, HE CHANGE MY LIFE TOTALLY... haha
cause he start my life to go into secret society!!! KNN. haha
too lazy to type how i got in.. but simply word.. through fighting.
was once a fighter.. but i wasn't in the secret society at all. is tt i just follow him around..
cause we r bros.. not i am under him.. haha..
is till i get to know boss..
boss wanted me to be there..
he treat me very good.. teach me damn lot of stuff...
about life , understanding ppl , how to handle tons of stuffs..
but nv teach me how to jio girl!!!! haha..
but he heng.. this kind of ah beng got so nice de wife.. fuck...
haha..
he teach me how to do trade, how to do trade, how to look at ppl how to handle ppl...
this is how i earn my money...

get back to wat i say woman r scary.. u know y...
most of my guys friend.. other then bros, ping and cum.. cause they know..
Btw my family know nothing of this..
other then them most guys think tt i am poor.. and it is la... i dun like to bring alot of money...
but girls always feel tt i got money...
simply example is cum gf bel..
cum told me.. bel say if her wedding.. she wan a BMW as her wedding car..
cum say.. he got no money to buy..
she say borrow lo.. cum say whu..
she say choke lo...
when cum told me i was like stunt... y me???
he did ask her.. she say dunno just feels..
scary rite???

i am rich.. and can say filthy rich..if u all still wonder wat rich ppl have..
simply... ask for 2 things.. one is american express black card..
it the onli card in the word tt got no credit limits.. u can buy an areoplane if u wan..
next is swiss bank acc book.. the content need to be view under a UV light..
i got both of them..

i know u all will wonder but i look so poor...
to me is tt i dun use the money i earn there..
i wan to stand on my own foot..
tt y i dun use the money..
i got lot of credit card but i bring none out..
tt y i am so poor but i like it..
i also dun wan to use tt money to make my life easier or to jio gal..
i push back how much stuffs from boss...
i dun go for brands alot...

continue tml or wat ba.. tired.. slack too much todae.. keep slping...

2012-01-30T15:45:00.002+08:00

really a long time since i came back here..

erm... let see..
ok firstly this few month izzit good at all...
tons of things handle and tons of things happen..
in the most simple form of words..
3 person die in 3 months...
wth...

plus my had been having headache since fridae..
it just like sudden blood rush or some explosion happen..
and the effect just stay..
i was quite worry tt is blood vessel tt broke..
as i think u all bro knows.. i have high blood pressure when i am awake..
and normal when i am aslp..
it get higher when i am thinking over things and stress about it...
so that y boss have been calling me asking to meet or something...

and bros..
i know it's my wrong for hiding this...but i need time to think about it myself...
i know u all have been asking me and boss...
it is me whu tell him no to tell..
yes it something not good..
i think it's time to let u all know..
sorry i cannot make it to speak right into u all de face...

as u all know all of us got the yearly health report..
YES.. something very wrong with me...
something tt just bring every hope and dream down scatter on the floor..
it may not be very correct but the possibly is alot higher..
yes my left eyes has nv been good...plus i always rub my eyes..
yes there is 30% of me to kena left eye cornea cancer in the coming 5 years.
and the other one is 15% to have my right-back brain cancer in coming 5 years too.
so no matter wat it's sometihng shocking to me...
tt y boss had been rushing me to do lots of things..
this and tt la.. tt y he had been clinging to me...
yup i think tt all tt i could say..
ya.. tt y chinese new year r all drinking and smoking..
bad year... and i am old...
tt all ba... no really in the mood or wat...

2011-07-06T23:30:00.002+08:00

the week isn't any good week,
somehow like the worst week of my life...
say really i tohught i was heartless...
alot of things i can dun care dun give a damn..
but until mon nite...
i woke up at 230a.m seeing my dad crying and my bro trying to quarrel...
i thought it was normal aat first...
then i see my dad kneel on floor..
the action just stuck me...
something serious happening...
then i went out... to see my mum hugging my father both of them crying and breaking down...
at tt very second, tears drop heart hollow...
the very image tt come to my mind is whether have i done anything wrong to make him this sad...
i dun totally blame my bro..
is actually all 3 of us...
neverless we care much...
but when i see my dad and mum break down...
it seem to me tt i am useless...
i totally hurt like nv b4...
tears keep flowing...
until todae.. i still have tt very feeling when i think about it...
after tt i went to drik.. again... bottles after bottles of hard condon bleu...
tears flow as i drink...
then ytd.. the same feeling stuck me..
giving me the very reason to drink.. so i call alfred...
this group of bros are even closer to me than my real blood bros...
they stand by 21/7 346 dae a year. and had been doing tt since i know them...
tt y this teach me to be.. always ready 24/7 for others... but noone really needs me cause i can do nth..
i am noone....
ytd was counselling session from alfred....
this bro of mine counsel me is diff from others...
usually we go to facts to counsel ppl..
but he is throught scolding...
i was scolded by him ytd...
yes he also use my account to post on my wall saying i am useless...
i agree tt y i nv say anything...
and he is damn right aboout me drinking....
i can drink no matter good mood or bad... and when the mood get worst the more i drink...
drinking doesn't solve the problems, and it doesn't help at all...
i dunno wat i can do...
the onli thing is to keep it within ba...
nv talk to ppl much about this very incident.. cause it still haunting me...
and other problems still arise...
it a bad week for me...
got to clam myself down and get ready or tml work...
got off for 2 daes le...
sat is drinking again.. thinking fridae i going to drink ba...
this is call a leopard can nv change his spots...

2011-05-27T09:08:00.002+08:00

this time is really a long time since i had blog..

actually nth to hide.. most of my blog u can see i about her...
no need to say whu u all also know la..
yes she is important aleast to me... in fact very...
i know u all always say u can always find a better girl somewhere out there..
i know, but u all should know tt sentence is hurting.. not onli to her.. but alot to me..
even thought of my feelings???
an example...
let say like this car.. honda civil ...
and pl around u keep say.. y not buy accord it alot better and all those...

correct u cannot refer a person to a car...
it was just an simple example to let u all have a mindset of how am i feeling at tt moment when u all say all those...

next... i am also not hapy with u all saying the one side story...
u always try to as fair as possible...
so.. i hate one side...
cause i nv know wat she is thnking...
for me it's a very hard thing....

u all were always saying i see how well u try her all those ..
u nv see the others....
how she look into my eyes..
when she smiles and laughing...
how beautiful she is...
she had nv say anything tt rejects me.. i mean in a way not saying anything bad at me.. or behind i think.. haha..
in a way when i see her smile or just peacefully sitting.. it seem like the time just flies... when i thought i seen it for like 5 mins.. it was actually 20 mins le...
kind of hate it...
haha.. but all this is to be kept right here in me...
i am in no position to do anything..
dun even talk about asking for her...

the way she is now, i felt hapy for her..
always missing her bf all those...
which is not like last time all her relationship is kept unknown...
which i believe she is putting in her most effort in it, which shows tt she really love him ba... =)

2011-04-11T23:44:00.002+08:00

sorry bro nv see ur post la...
too lazy to comment on tt la... haha
u know me de la... heee

kind of think about it.
i'm quite useless.. alot of things i can't do..
i know ppl around me like to use nice words la...
meaning i have put enough effort la.. u ahve done more than wat u should do la..allt hose shit..
but when problems arise...my mind can just go blank or jammed...

btw is not emo...
just felt down...
just like present...
i got tons of things to give but then ton of reason tt i can't give will come back in..
it's like using my own hand to slap myself...
happy tt i slap something...
sad is tt i slap myself....
lame rite???
haha.. continuing this action...

2011-03-01T18:18:00.002+08:00

Bro, you should know the aim of us here.
we know big boss is in some health problems, dun forget you too.
your liver is already have that 1 percent harden.
like what we have talk to you.
we know you always scold him, ask him go die all those.
but you do not mean it.
there like like aleast 4 of us which is always around him.
we find no reasons for you to cancel your study trip.
you are way cleverer than all of us.
got a chance to make tons of money not on the dark side.
and you and him is too alike both so stubborn.
please consider bro.

2011-01-24T10:39:00.002+08:00

i got nth to do here so i came here rmb tt i have a blog..=X
this is a place just for me to say things maybe ppl may see and maybe not..
watever i say here really means....cause there is no use lying or wat...or saying things behind whoever back or wat.. all this have been wat i feel and wat i know and wat i mean... ppl may understand or misunderstand.. hee but watever u all misunderstand or wat can just call me or message me.. easiler for me and you..
i dun like to beat around the bush just go straight to the point.. hee..

ya..been in tekong for 2 weeks..everyday was very shag.. i was alone most of the time..
cause they all pes C then i a the onli one rushing for pes B.. so i am just a dog there.. tired like mad.. everydae i slp at around 12 and wake up at 430.. tt is provide timing for me to slp.. and u know de la.. still need to bath all those cut away how much liao.. plus i not tt type tt jsut lie on bed jiu slp de ppl.. haha..
rmb tt very dae when i was walking the 6km road march alone.. hee..fuckign shag... haha.. then i take out my wallet hee..
tt also wat i do everydae before i slp..
cause tt is my onli motivation.. =)
and sadly enough going to go back in later liao... another week..
and hopefully i can book out on sat...hee..

just praying tt nth happen to you out there... please please take care of urself...
u got a bf correct but i just wan u to be safe.. tt why i do those things tt u think is ma fan..but say really to me it isn't.. so please dun feel it tt way.. i tell all these to u is because i dun wan to hide things from u or even lieing to u... hee.. after all please take care...=)

2011-01-07T19:04:00.000+08:00

ROGER!
Bro rmb the things i tell u.
left her to us ba.
no worry.

2011-01-07T11:02:00.001+08:00

bro like wat i said ytd..
safety is my main concern..
anythinf call cumber.. or me la... if cannto contact.. u make the decicion...
i told u everything ytd liao.. ty

2011-01-03T21:45:00.001+08:00

bro, people i settle le.
you going on Wednesday with?
i go with you ba.

2011-01-02T21:52:00.002+08:00

bro manpower will be lesser.. onli 9 of u will be there.. i dun need bountry there all to be there as it's much safer...
relax more ba bro.. this time is with her parents so chill more...
transport need to say meh??? just bring it over...
u still can call me... anything either u make the decision or u call cumber.. i will talk to him about it.. but watever not in planned.. u move please tell cumber..
she oversea wat i can do sia??? u cock lei...

anymore qns???
i will be going i over at wed nite ba.. thurs fri i will take off...
i will go over all the places in one go..
any update will tell u..
got thigns ask faster...
i cannot let u last min liao..
i goin in on 11 jan which is next tues..
i dunno i can use phone ma... so please work on it.. ty bro~

2010-12-30T23:23:00.001+08:00

bro so manpower how?
same as thailand one ar?
follow closer this time or relax more?
transport how?
how i contact u when u in tekong?
she oversea u ok meh?

2010-12-30T03:59:00.002+08:00

bro can i ask whu de fuck go to his own blog to read when he himself nv update sia????

u cute lei...
wa lao...

ok.. i will going next week.. after tt week i going tekong liao so i will not be around..
so everything i will pass to u to settle...
same any emergency please call me...
same thing as Thailand...

so anyhting else call me...
tt dae is because i at warehouse playing PS3 in the morning ....
doing shit stuffs follow ups...

about the christmas is u all one by one call me to plan one...
u think i wan to plan meh???
when i myself no plan....zzzzzz
u know my standard la... flower onli 1 kind...
then all my da sao know is i plan one can claim credit ma..
u all idiot...

2010-12-27T18:40:00.002+08:00

bro wat happen to your phone just buy not long ago and it spoiled?
just want to ask a few qns.
dun think others will read here ba?

easy i'll make it sweet and short..

1) You are going to china to scout the area first rite?

2) when you go?

3) I bet this time is a free trip for us to china? =)

think that all bro~

thanks for the planning for Christmas.
all our gals knows that is you plan one.

which idiot will give daisy for Christmas?
still thanks alot bro.

2010-11-28T21:42:00.002+08:00

i miss my grandpa again...
even thought i dun quite rmb how he look like cause he pass away when i was 12,.l.
i rmb wat he always tell me...
rmb tt when i was small i onli know runner and playing..
my grandpa will always shake his head...
but i will always smile and run...
when i was young my mouth always scold ppl de..
so grandpa will say.. sorry hwee ah..
ah gon nv born u with a good mouth..
i will always just slap him..
bad me...
always the naughty one..
i can always hang a couples of foul words on my mouth..
nth gd will come out..haha...

ya and i realised something..
EVERYONE REALLY IS EVERYONE~
have bf or gf liao.. hahaa..special... hahahahahaha

tml is another dae of rotting..
go nuh again in the afternoon...

2010-11-21T13:27:00.002+08:00

it been a long time ba..
i dunno wat to post also..

first sorry Alfred.... i know the argument we have haven end yet...
there is so much to say.. little explanation i can give...

i got my iphone so i play my doodle find everydae...

my body seem to be having something wrong.. right eye start to blur out sometimes...
back pain.. dunno la...

actually i not in the mood to do anytihng...

i have been like this and i know i will be like this

2010-11-15T00:17:00.002+08:00

hee.. last post before i go out ba..

say really i dunno wat will happen later..

wat i can say is tt u ppl please take care..be happy and enjoy..

i dunno even know how safe am i.. going all out todae.
bear call me tt dae.. saying i had change...
i learn all these in the past is for protecting...
but now.. i using it to fight... haiz...
i understand hs point but then...
i can just let these matter climb to my head...

please do take care of urself ppl...
hopefully i will be back in one piece.. cya...

2010-11-14T05:28:00.003+08:00

just back no long ago..

been training hard for tml nite.. to settle tons of stuff..
really all these are getting on to my head... i dun like it...
i nv like to be the one to get things started...
all thanks to you... making so much shit when i just get of my post... good..

been a period of time sine i talk to you and look in ur eyes...
i dunno any single thing tt happen to you.. other then wat u wrote on ur blog..
to me it seem that u r really good with him... happy enough for me..=)
jiaoyu ba..
rmb this " every problem got a solution"
problem reach u can sill transfer them to me...=)
take care of yourself..

2010-11-07T15:42:00.002+08:00

yaya.. all the SIS-IN-LAW...
sao zi s...............
u all dun come disturb ar....
lolz... how u all???
been aleast 3 months nv see u all.. hee...
too bad.. dun wan to see u all..=P

haha.... ytd was full dae at warehouse again... haha
other than going to geraldine fu birthdae...
which i went for like 5 mins???
tt stupid bo yan keep calling me go...
then ask melvin send me over..
say hi.. then sit down ask bo yan things then say to her bb i got things..
haha.. faster birthdae party i ever been.. haha...
entertain idiot to go to another idiot party.. zzzzzz..
then go back warehouse do stuff..
then back home..meet yan and james at boon lay market..
haha chat to like 3 plus..
haha.. too bad dad nv come back.. nv send them back...
haha... after that went to dragonfly again..
cause a few old man ask me go... then go back warehouse drink again..
until 9 plus then reach home... haha..

sundae liao sundae liao.. sian sian..
tml no off or leave...
got to work... haiz.. course start...
tues duty.... thisweek dfo... sian la ...

2010-11-06T11:11:00.002+08:00

in warehouse now...
it's the onli place i felt belong...
the place belong onli to myself..
full of my stuffs and of course others which is meant to be given but nv...

haha...firstly.. thanks jess which is melvin's gf for the breakfast bought for us..
which melvin is still drunk... haha..

ya.. ytd nite got nth to do so ask melvin to go powerhouse to drink together...
knowing his level of liquor is not gd i nv ask him to drink..
on opening my 4 bottle i turn and saw him lieing down le..
i was like wtf??? so fast.. i nv even force him to drink..
lolz... i drank until my 12 bottle of cordon bleu..
then decided to bring melvin back to warehouse to rest...
haha... tonite is another round... weeeeee..
cause i got nth to do....

2010-11-05T04:48:00.001+08:00

bro u very fan la...
not going not going.. i dun like tt place la.. stop irritating me.. ZZZZZZZ

got to shift my drinking session to sat lo.. cause then.. ping will not be in singapore
and cum is on duty... wahahahahha

SAT SAT SAT SAT SAT..
DRINKING~~~~~
this time 20 bottles... weeeeeeeeee
really feel like making myself drunk..=X

2010-11-03T18:35:00.002+08:00

wahahaha..
i actually got alot things to blog..
but wait for the internet to load i forget..
lolz

ya.. lately i will not blog tt much cause
firstly i dunno wat to blog about..
second it time to take care of myself..
i know my own body very well..
so i have been taking slping pill these daes...
so i will slp at around 9 to 9.30..
sad thing is i will wake up at 1...
got to take care of myself la..

then.. i am thinking about my oversea studies..
8 years say long also not long say short cfm not short..
but then.. it wat i wants ba.. but got abit lost interest in it le...

chunyip... faster i need the plan for the pub quick...
bro i onli left 1years 4 months..
to the dae i start sch.. b4 tt i think i will fly over liao..
got to make it quick...
if not u got to work alone le.. even though u will eventually work alone too..

left hand... i send u 20m again from swiss..
bro i know u burn ur finger..
u had used ur money to return liao..
tak e 10m to ur life and the other is to earn again..
dun need to call me to thanks me.. wat is bro for...
aleast when i am in post u have done more than wat u should do for me le..
no matter work or personal...

alfred iw ill find u all soon ba.. i hope so during dec..
when i find a week i can take my leave or off...
and I AM ALONE~ zzzzz

godfather...please take care of ur health..
u are no 22 years old kid like me... take care of urself please..
dun keep playing here and there la... anything update me...

ya.. i just think tt life should not be taken for granted...
rmb wat u have now.. and dun forget them...
nv give someone hope and then ditch them...

so i wan to be a happy me...
wat for care wat others thinks...
celebration on fri or thurs....
once again dragonfly here i come.. alone...wahahahahahahaha..

2010-10-31T23:14:00.002+08:00

i think i over stress myself le...
now my head is like throttling...\
is like when u drink too much...

funny enough.. when ppl nv wants to listen to the end..
=)...
i miss u grandpa...
shall update tml ba...
try to let my body rest le...

u too please rest well...=)

2010-10-31T06:27:00.002+08:00

just bath ...
took me a long time to wash off all those "blood"
it's like the most number of photos i can take la...
scary.. i dun like to take photo especially strangers....

THANKS alot~ i know chattign with me is not interesting at all..
but it does help me alot...
even thought i wanted to continue..
but...

going to slp soon.. need to wake up.. to go candice first birthday..
envious.. i dun even know wat i did on my first birthdae...

2010-10-30T18:25:00.003+08:00

let see...
firstly, happy birthdae to chunyip which is on the 28 oct...
gave him the bottle of cordon bleu..
since he like it so much. even thought is from my collection..
bro. feel happy there belinda is there for you.
and you had changed after u meet her.. cheers for u..
=)

next is Alfred.. bro happy birthdae to u also which is on the 29 oct..
bro i know u just wan to disturb me... but then tt sentence really did bring my mood down..
i know u for 10 years now...
every year we spent ur birthdae together...
this year i not there...
i really dun like it...
sorry bro.. really sorry..
hope the present i send u will like ba...
bro u too... she is very good to you le la.. stop all the shit record le la.. haha..
please does taek care of her and urself..

haiz.. next is army...
fucked tub la...
hand injuried still not enough..
more report to be..

then other side...
say really wat u wan to do go ahead...
i am no longer there..
i out of the post.. please understand tt..
and my phone is not any help lines ok...
zzzz

even though i do support you...
however i still feel hurt...

gone to work...

2010-10-28T12:20:00.002+08:00

lunch time.. is the hardest part of my work..
cause u nv know hot to pass ur lunch time...
i dun go down to cook house to eat my lunch...
haha...

ya.. the last post was like half done cause suddenly i was busy.. haha
ya.. say until the gun barrel explode..
i got cuts on my fingers and arm..
but arm onli 2 small lines..
the bad one is my index finger..
cause it was nearer to the exploded barrel..
haha quite pain...
haha...
went to look at the very first post i post on my blog..
damn funny..
i was tt childish then...
but then my 3 dotz habit nv change...

2010-10-28T08:24:00.003+08:00

in army exam hall now..
sian la...

first happy birthdae to cucumber!!!! aka pineapple kor kor... haha

sian.. now onli can use left hand type...
cause right hand is full of plaster...
ytd during live firing.. one stupid officer do sometihng wrong..
and i am the weapon specialist..
so got forward..
then the barrel exploe..
now hand pain..

2010-10-25T02:23:00.001+08:00

it 2.30..
my hand and eyes r going ways soon...
tired ... for the last 2 dae i onli slp for 2-3 hrs..
had my eys glue on the screen and hand on th e keyboard..
and it like finally done...

sometime i wish i could say...
but sadly enough i dun think anyone will understand...

sometime song will be able to know how u feels...
=)..
got to go to slp le.. tired.. yawns....

2010-10-23T03:50:00.002+08:00

now started mugging...
doing research on team building..
as well as acc....
even though my own course haven start..
hee hee...

just now...
meet like the group tt always hang out with..
funny as usually..
one thing tt i saw and i dun like it...
but same things goes.. no right to say anything or comments... hee hee..

this afternoon...
i spend like tons of money...
amount tt i think i will nv earn in this lifetime..
when for an jewellery auction...
bid like no body business...
include gift of every single bros' gf/wife..
most of them are godfather ones..
make me got to take half dae off todae..
then rush over to alfred house to take my full formal suit..
hate to wear it.. but it's a must to go to the auction...
ya.. thanks melvin for fetching me there and back...

this week is like not a week tt i have been working other then tue and wed plus todae half dae...
i work like 2.5dae??? this weeek..
haha..
last mondae was on leave..
wed went to KTPH.. dunno wat is the full name la..
when there for my leg...
went to do 2 x rays and 2 mri testes....
actually i knew the result already.. cause it's mine leg..
i am prepared for the result beforehand..
but when the result just struck u...
u will just have a very sad feeling..
or down feeling..
it's no longer the tearing factor...
u just feel tt some black hole somewhere around...
lot of thing u dun feel like thinking..
asking urself tons of qns..
and smile dun lasts..
i dunno... how long can i last...
it's just deep down inside...

2010-10-18T17:18:00.002+08:00

just reach home..
tired la...
cause all those stupid idot uncle whu wan to sit on my place.. and thought can do nth...
onli when pro arise then start to panic..
i reach home at 6.30 todae...
then try to slp at 7..
then this stupid idot call me at 9 to say that how to do this how to do tt..
i dun understand why he want tt post tt badly..
but dun even know how to do a single shit...
i so tired now...
todae was suppose to be a leave...
suppose to be relax sia...
shit them la... zzz

nvm forget about all those unhappy shits...

playing ignore should be my very good point..
cause i can ignore alot of things...
using the dun care dun bother attitude..
however ytd..
i just thought i will be doing the same thing..
however from the moment u step into the lorry..
i got the very urge to ask u things..
but i keep quiet..
even b4 tt ur call...just struck me...
ur voice tt i did not heard in over a month..
then back at kelyn chalet..
it is just like there is a spotlight following u..
no matter where i look.. u r just in the limelight..
i wonder why...
espically when i look into ur eyes...
after so long...
even when u say u r hungry...
i wonder and wonder...

2010-10-17T02:49:00.002+08:00

having a very sucky feeling now..
i dunno wat i was doing just now...
i am such fucked up...

i think this is wat happen when noone wan to take the first step ba...

my nitemare r coming true i think..
my nitemare is still going on non stop.. even when i just wan to rest for a 10 min..

feeling very sucks now..
got to go le ba..
meet melvin..
mob and tune his car..
i think it will take another 5 to 7 hrs ba...

got to slap myself real soon..

2010-10-16T11:49:00.002+08:00

haven been to much slp.. cause of nitemares...
it's like a movie with parts...
it scaring me...
tt y i dun wan to slp..
keep asking myself to do things...

finally, i have done something tt i wanted to do long ago...
tt is to give up my post..
since they want it tt badly..
the onli things i am sorry is to godfather..
it's like giving away his baby...
even thoguht he say to me do watever u wan..
and ur bold decision will always have a result..
but i know he is feeling kind of sad..
no more ton of reports for me to go through..
no more long hrs meetings int he mid of the nite...
no more phone calls in the mid of the nite..

sad is no more connection i have...
so nth much i can do lo...
just live a simple live...

2010-10-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

todae the nite mare haunted me...

maybe this nitemare is reminding me how important u r to me??
maybe ba..

update tml ba..
i done something i wanted to do ytd..
some how abit song now...

2010-10-14T11:49:00.002+08:00

was suppose to slp from 11 to 1 ytd...
but then i went to slp at around 12..
then i had a very bad nitemare...

very bad one...
the worst one i had...
it was not about life and death...

will it really happen??
haiz..

2010-10-13T22:22:00.002+08:00

i am actually missing u alot here...

just when i digging my head into my work just now..
while my friend was talking..
i heard this "yi shui si yuan"...
the onli thing tt pop into me is you..
this is wat i use to played ur name with when i first met u..
kind of feeling very bad..
i keep asking myself..
is this really wat i wan??
but y am i feel so down??
anyone can give me the answer?
i'm a person whu dun like guesses and beating around the bush..
can someone just pop in my face and tell me???
if this is really gd for her, y am i feeling this bad??

another things.. bear i found the way of settling them le...
simply since they wan my seat tt much..
i will give it to them..
yes give it to them...
see whether they can do it properly???
tell boss tt i'm sorry i cannot handle them...
i dun wan to go the ruthless way.. if not i will just be like the old time gansters or them...
i wan to change all this shit...
no more shit ah beng...

and then melvin.. i will full mob ur car on fridae nite all the way to sat..
sorry i drag so long...
all the parts i will install it myself...
i will tune for u also...

now back to myself..
in camp.. but really bored...
dunno wat have gotten back into me??
i started to vomit again.. just now..
maybe is the martell tt i drink??
i dunno also..
but somehow i am craving for more..
ok ba.. about time to go do my patrol liao...

anything u all wan find me just call me ba..
if not just call my office 6799 7687...
this phone is onli i listen one...

2010-10-13T12:04:00.002+08:00

everywhere is go everyone i meet, just ask about her...
even work place...

even when i was destroying cd, i thought of her..
which i end up having a deep cut on my finger..

she is a friend a really close friend...
but then...things happen...
i doesn't wan this to happen but it will..
speaking all these i think will make it to some misunderstanding or something bad again ba..

i just to say..
i lost my aim and dreams..
ppl dreams cause they can nv have it...

like godfather say, no one will stay by ur side if u nv put in the extra mile for them...
tt y ba. i onli walk a metre onli...

got to go back work le...
and it's duty tonite... haiz..

2010-10-12T22:42:00.001+08:00

i really dunno wat i wan and aim here...

lost my aim le...

sian...
haiz..
tml duty..

2010-10-12T11:46:00.003+08:00

actually...i dunno wat sia..
i hurt my heels..
cause my shoe is spoil...
the cut... sianz...

godfather call me now and then..
i dunno weather to listen to him anot..
really..

i dunno.. confused...haiz...
work sucks too... totally no mood...

2010-10-10T19:12:00.002+08:00

can't even slp...
plus the red shoulder... it hurts..

and i can't figure out the solution to my problems...
everyone got their own ways of handling things...
and i got to much factors...

and my gandma is starting to irrates me...
every five min she will have things to ask me...
zzzzzzzzzz.... arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2010-10-10T01:47:00.003+08:00

just back again.. after going out to blah blah and blah...

cause when i got one problems up my head.. all problems will pop out again..
i hard life...this is wat i say..
home problems.. work problems.. outside problems...
tons of problems and i dunno how to solve...
asking for advice is not an option...
cause everyone is different..
got their own thinking and so..
and i can't solve problems...

all these causes my health to be this bad...
i dun wan all these to happen...
thinking about all these gives me headach..
and just barely 2 hrs of slp daily???
i really wan to ahve a full 8 hours slp..
even if i slp early.. i will just end up waking up thinking about all these problems..
and the very sad thing is tt i can ask noone..
even if i wan to share i got to think of him and her status..
i dun wan to give them problems...
i dunno how long i can substain myself...

i dun dare to think about future..
i dun dare to think for myself..
i here and there...
i just feel then i am even worthless than a shit...

2010-10-09T22:59:00.002+08:00

just back froma whole dae of outing with james, yan, cum and nan..
fun enough..
same non stop laughing..
great to eat yan mother cooking again.. it's damn nice but there is too much..
we can't finish..

tanning session from 11 to 4...
now my shoulder and arm is like red chili crab...

broke my slippers at harbourfront..
then bought a new one.. and it is yellow... first time getting yellow slippers..
then bugis..
then back home...
tired and hot now..
but i just dun feel like slping..

it not tt i got nth to talk to u..
there is ton of things then comes in my mind to ask u or nag at u...
but i just dun wan to get the misunderstand again..
it felt tt i am in wrong giving the wrong messages..
wat i mean was there is no one to nag at me other than you and godfather..
i nv say u can't..
i actually prefer u to nag.. but...
the next time tt come in mind is tt.. the lesser i talk...
the lesser misunderstanding occur..
i need tt care.. but i dun wan to cross the line..

u r attached... not tt is atttach to him.. even any other one..
i can't just do it the same as u were single..
ur bf is not a idiot..
i dun wan to be the source..
same i will be there.. but i will not know anything unless u told me..

2010-10-09T05:21:00.002+08:00

for todae...
strangely i feel very much like drinking...
but then chunyip decided not to go todae..as ber is at his house..
and ping got to acc ling..
so for the very first time i went out drink alone~
when to dragonfly.. this time with no one other than myself..
standard warm up was 2 bottles of martell..
then carry on by cordon blu..
and at the end i drank 12 bottle in total...woah..
but was not high at all..
all the while was alone drinking..
and this time i get into trouble at dragonfly..
dunno wat get into me tt i lost my cool todae..normal daes with other i was always the one cooling ppl down..
todae i fight with 2 guys..
cause they wanted to take my bottle then i say no..
wanted to drink together but i say no..
then he start scolding my"gf"..
which i know i dun have..
but i just can't control todae...
punch them real hard.. and they bleed...
too bad before i can continue the bouncer pull them off and ask me to cool down..
then come the manager chris..
saying sorry and all the bullshit..
he also dunno y got these 2 idiot in the members area and near my table..zzzz
talk cock to me..
but i lazy to entertain him.. ask him to go off...
then i go off also..
just nice the music stop..
so here i am now..home sweet home..

and got to wake up at 9.
cause meet yan they all to sentosa..
and i miss yan's mother cooking..
haha later get to eat lo...weeeee
got to go to try and rest now..
or later u will see zombie walking...

2010-10-07T23:13:00.002+08:00

here just to say sorry..
sorry melvin.. get u in trouble again...
sorry i wasn't concentrating on tunning just now..
and drifting..
the front part tt crash in i will pay no worry...
i crash one.. sorry tt u got to take public transport for tml..
sorry melvin...

2010-10-06T22:37:00.001+08:00

Winty, dun need to do these ba...

no use crying over spilled milk..

be happy go find ur bear bear..=)

y use my blog...zzzz

forget it...

drinking on fri nite...

dun care place and ppl... I'm DRINKING...

leg pain.. due to bb last nite.. sian.. lost my touch liao la...
fucked~

2010-10-05T17:54:00.002+08:00

i just woke up, very tired~

opps forget this isn't my blog~

Hi, people =), i'm Winty here~

actually i here to say something:

Geraldine, i'm sorry for insulting you. Sorry for talking behind your back. I knew the pain of people talking behind your back. This is the only point of contact choke allows me to talk to you.

Choke, Thanks for talking reasons and factors to me for over 2 weeks. sorry choke i take all your sleeping time away for 2 wks. T-T. Thanks you for letting me understand what is happening. And letting me know how much bear had given in for me. =)

Dearest Bear, Dear I LOVE YOU~ now i know how much you love me. =P Love you 4ever. =D

Sorry choke let me use your blog.=P
Take Care Please~ =D

2010-10-04T17:16:00.002+08:00

I AM BORED...
VERY BORED...
MISSES~

haiz... dunno wat to do even on a half dae off...
no ppl nth to do..
my desktop is down..
montior down again...
think i over power it again.. super sian...
no games and no study for me now...zzzzz

i dunno understand relationship...
like ping.. ytd was quarrel with ling about betrayled and tonnes of stupid stuffs..
ask for beek ytd..
todae thought wanted to be a good enough friend so called him after my work..
he was slping.. and the next time is ling is beside him...
the first thing tt come to my mind is ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
ytd u were talking like u hate her so much and then>?????
todae she sleep at ur house...
dun understand at all....

think tt is wat ppl call love ba..
maybe????
whu knows???
i sure dunno!!!

arhhh... damn sian la...
going crazy soon..
bear u settle ar...
i dunno wat to say...
ty bro..

2010-10-02T15:27:00.003+08:00

todae is sat...
is just like a normal sat..
but dun feel normal at all..
got strange strange de feeling..

dun feel like studying at all...
even though exam is coming soon...
went online to look at national basketball team de blog..
tons of things happen about my leg dislocated...
then lost interest in it too...
went to look at hot stuffs book whihc is all about cars..
which is my second interested thing..
look not even 10 pages.. dun feel like reading le..
kind of lost interest in lots of things nowadae...

feel that there is a strong need for me to upgrade nmyself..
been reading a book on how to listen and talk porperly..

nth to do..
thinking tonite go work ba..

2010-09-30T23:16:00.002+08:00

like wat u say i am not the one getting scolded... i will nv understand..
correct.. i have nv been through wat u have been..
cause i always go i think.. and i thought u think this and so..
is like the u think i thought whu comfirm? thing...
i have nv go through ur stage..
just like the way u nv gone through mine..
i have no rights to comment no right to say.. tt the onli thing i can say to ask u to believe..
and so on...

just thing i wan to make clear...
i nv wanted u to be repeat the same thing...
i really mean u will be happy with him..
i dun wan to see u sad..

ya fred... just the way u think i am... ty for reminding...

2010-09-30T19:04:00.002+08:00

running away is not a solution...
this is wat i have always do..
and i dun wan to..but was forced too..
cause i am too afraid to ..

da sao.. i scolded u is not because of i standing which side..
is i cannot take it tt you are scolding the person whu have done nthing wrong..
hope u will understand..
bear called me..
dun put the anger on him..
is me.. he will go on a millions ways just to see you happy..
dun make him sad just because of me..

btw glad tt u found the one for you..
he can bring miracles for you which noone does..
dun need to care wat other said about u..
believe in urself.. tt wat i wrote on ur 21 birthdae book..
cause u r easily influence by others no matter whu..
so please listen to urself.. believe in urself and also him..
Please be happy..=)
and still anything tt i can help just tell me..=)

2010-09-27T00:36:00.002+08:00

it 12 plus i going to meet boss they all soon b4 they going off again..

first thing first...
Winty dun be angry with bear and of course her..
bear say tt because his char is the nearest to mine..
wat we really wan is to see our loved ones happy..
he understand this point very well..
so when u all r saying wat u all r ytd nite..

first... think of her... does she really need tis kind of treatment??
second.. me??? where did u put me when u all say those???
third and last.. where did u put bear, my bros and u urself???

winty i treat u as my elder sis..
i understand y u r angry... but is none of her fault ok?

still sick here..
cough until like blood is coming out..
lung going out of air..
so since tonite got be with god father and bros b4 they go tml getting mc lo..
things happen this weekend with godfather and gang back..

shall update tml or wat ba.. my arm r still not working well after fri's 16 jabs..=(

2010-09-24T22:04:00.002+08:00

i am very sick now.. since ytd when doing duty...
biw with high fever.. last measured 39.5...
block nose, sore throat...headach also... damn sian...
ytd duty was like sux, i dun even know wat i'm doing...
in the morning.. when i went to wash up.. the ops room got no ppl then my sir come in..
see no one as my other guard wwent to surf web.. so i kena lo...
damn fuck tub...
nvm tt doesn't concern.. head very dizzy...
cannot intake fod todae at all.. sorry...

try to rest now ba.. since no one is asking me out also...
later need to take up at 4 to meet godfather..
ya think trouble is on the way..
got to face it...

2010-09-22T00:29:00.002+08:00

it's kind of like late le =X
here to blog...

todae was my off dae plus hospital dae...
morning was just pure rotting at home plus reading up..
then afternnon went to hospital with cum and ping for my report..
as expected.. the report sux..
bla here and there.. more doc to see...
then went back...
went to eat at boon lay... seee i got eat ok....
even though it's like my first meal..at around 6 plus..=X
went home.. and i know wat happen..=)
same thing...zzzzz

after tt play some games and read up..
went to shoot balls with ping..
after tt is still chatting..
i really need chatting.. i need advice and thinking..
i need ppl to ttell me wat they think... am i doing it rite or wrong..

like ytd nite where almost all my bros gf/wife called... on conference call..
all telling me reason tt i am not gd....
i glad tt they tell me.. i wan to know all these things...
i dun like to guess.. i like to be straight forward...

still down with small illness..
sore throat is like getting worst...
think i'm going to be voiceless soon..
headach coming back also... plus here and there la...
but i'm still breathing... even though onli through mouth now..=X
=)
haha.. got to try and get more slp...
first is doc say...
next is i'm kena threaten...=X
good nite.. work work tml....

2010-09-19T16:12:00.002+08:00

yoz... i wanted to updated this blog ytd de...
but when i just click here i was threaten by someone.. to go to slp..
so better listen.... sent to slp...

when i was like kind of happy tt i was slping.. tt idiot melvin called me at 8a.m to ask me wan to go breakfast ma? tt idiot.. reject him straight away... but i was hanging on a headach... maybe is the sheesha ba.. dunno...

20 mins ago went to cook cup noodles..
once again trying to eat since i say i will...
it's hard for me to lie to her...
i just can't..
where else to other it like so simple...
so the onli thing i can do is dun answer the qns lo..=X
but then right after i ate the cup noodle and press refresh so tt i can reply on the comment on FB..
something sent wrong...
the next thing tt op into my head was a very big TOILET word..
once again vomit... haha
i think i will just live on liquid food ba.. all the juice or watever la...
haha...

thinking of wat to do.. study??
blueprint???
slack???
go out???
rot???
do my own stuff??
i dunno... haha..
rot first...=)

2010-09-18T15:34:00.002+08:00

bro ty for telling me.. i already knew...
he call me last nite..

godfather change his way of approach ytd when he call me..
usually it will be like 2 kid talking...
but the very first sentence tt come out from his mouth was my full name..
i knew something was not rite..

he pop me this " If anything happen to her wat will you do?"

i just say i will replace everything, i will be watever she wants watever she needs.
her leg her hands her blood. anything and everything i can do.

next thing he do was to say thanks..

he told me there is 2 report on his hand now..
good and bad which one i wan to hear
good one..
her full blood report is out.. all together 367 test made..
nth actually goes wrong.. everything is fine...

next is my last health report for this year..
it was onli half of the report..
and i actually just failed everything in the report..
i get scolded...
yes scolded.. he actually nv scolded me b4.. in this way..
i really dunno wat to say to him...
i felt like so... i dunno wat words to use..
when he gave me so much..
and i return him nth...even thought he nv ask for...

i still can't take food.. i still vomit..

tt all i say..
sorry dudes sorry father...

2010-09-17T00:09:00.002+08:00

feel better after sweating out...
been quite long since then...

these few daes ppl around me suddenly ask this qns.." Choke, how can u act like nth happen or even smile when u know something is not right somewhere?"

say really if i dun smile or make fun of myself or wat.. i will breakdown..
i ain't no superman or heartless..
i rather face it my way...

afternoon called bear they all...
kind of like get scolded...
but watever they wan to say i understand..
they know me too well... bear and alfred..

tml will be fridae... i dunno wat i will do..

2010-09-15T20:24:00.002+08:00

actually todae i got nth to do at work.. just slack
other then the force of sir asking me to change my citizen to singapore..
sian lo...

after tt.. i really wan to thanks uncle wee...
thanks for talking to me once again...
telling me wat to do so...
but i am still confuse....
like wat you say... i am someone whu dun like to listen to wat ppl say about rather get the facts myself.....
but the fact now i see is all bad.. nth gd..
not being angry or sad or emo..
but say really y do i have to go through this??

and for the hair cut too...
now i got a very kid haircut.. cause i am always a kid in his eyes..
the way he talk and act infront of me... is better than my own father...
able to make me speak is not easy.. i know..

for those whu dunno... uncle wee is my godfather father onli hairdresser..
he is 86 this year...
gd man...

i think.. y think so much when i know is him...
got to think for my own study le ba... 1 and a half year to go...
and then "bye"

bros.. without u all my alcohol cell gone liao la...
and i wan it back....
i wan to go eat with u all..
i wan the laugher... i miss them...=(

2010-09-13T22:59:00.002+08:00

bro u win liao la..
now she dun frenz me liao lo..
u good liao lo...

now doing duty..but got to go out soon le.. one guard down.. so i got to stand by him.. got to take care of all the guards..
and i am still sick.. the worst thing is tt tml i got to go for my blood test at nuh.
good job liao lo...
dunno how bad this blood test will be liao...

still alfred u win liao la.....

2010-09-12T22:09:00.002+08:00

eh bro so now u think wat??
come my tag box acknowledged relative meh???

todae thought tt i wan slack.. but then tml got to stay in camp then cannot study so todae need to..
study the whoel dae...
until just now went with cum go jurong west eat claypot rice which had been veru long since i went there with bear they all...
its' still nice...
but coem back.. i vomit again... damn sian... sick and tired of myself..
and then tml got to stay in camp sian ar sian...

2010-09-12T02:15:00.002+08:00

it had been a rotting sat for me...
doesn't feel like studying or doing anything todae...
so i sit or lie on my sofa for the whole dae...
watch tv and listen to my mp3..
3 plus cum message me.. then he reply at 4 plus asking for tea..
and i wait until 9 he still dun appear at my doorstep for tea..
zzzz.. then ask him to go down dinner as i haven eat yet..
eat until damn full.. but once i reach home same thing happen.. camp in toilet lo..
lolz...
after tt since my father got another lorry back le..
thought of going to pray so i went with ping..
pray for the same thing again..
but once i reach home on my facebook first thing i see..
"i broke my fingernail"...
i was speechless for a moment. it was like 30 mins again i just pray and i come back and see the post was like 20 mins again..
but the next thing come to mind is still is she ok?
hopefully yes ba...
it 2 plus and i am still feeling damn awake...
i think i turning into "god" soon lo.. haha

2010-09-11T00:22:00.003+08:00

zzzz i dunno wat happen sia...
whole dae nv eat then just now meet ping to eat...
eat one bowl of fishball noodle also cannot finish...
then finished my teh c.. haha
but i just came back from the toilet..
i just wasted my food.. i vomit everything out.. wtf lo...
sian.. this is one of the sideeffect ba... i think...

just now when i am at home at 7..
i decided to pack my drawer..
see alot of things... include my journal since pri sch..and is like 4 books..\
haha read all of it.. and laughing to myself.. like so stupid.. haha..
throw lots of stuff..
i got birthdae card.. haha.. kept all of them...
i see this birthdae which is on 2007 also the first present she gave me.. lolz...
haha.. then i got this mindset..
i have always been negaitive.. blaming myself even since i was young.. lolz..
haha..

after vomit... now i am hungry again.. but nth to eat.. sian....
tml morning then find cum eat ba.. da sao also there.. hahaha...
funny.. belinda like me to call her da sao.. she damn happy de.. lolz...

got to go study le..
taking bridging exam...
stress!

2010-09-10T19:15:00.002+08:00

today is a public holidae.. but to me is just like a normal sat or sun..
since is ph.. i decided not to call melvin.. so he can go out with his gf.. as she is not working todae..
so i take a cab to warehouse todae...
it was so empty and cold...

it was then i realize tt i am not really tt mature as i think..
i feel like like a kid...
i keep looking on the phone..
looking at the door..
hoping someone will come in or my phone will ring...
i feel like a kid who need care and concern..
felt lonely and left aside...
been here the whole dae...
it's about time to go home lo...
back to a place where i rot again...

2010-09-08T22:03:00.003+08:00

hey bro... dun worry like wat i always say i not going to die tt easily.. still got 18yrs more..=)

ya.. just like wat alfred say.. my white blood cell is down by 75%...
is something like an AIDS ppl?? haha
prone to all any illness out there...

so now i am down with flu, running nose , headache , cough , insomnia and fever..

i am just walking around at 38.5degree..

got 7 dae mc from camp mo.. but got tonnes of work to do...
so i will still be going back to camp..
cause course starting...

my phone is like no longer call a phone.. is like a alarm... haha
since it like damn free for me... start studying but like nth gets in.. zzzz
thinking of getting 2 more degree during this 2 yrs.. before i go over to get my own engineer degree.. =)...

2010-09-06T15:28:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry... i think this is the onli thing tt i can do in my life..

i dun mean ignoring u..
i dun mean i dun wan to know anytihng about u..
i dun mean all tt...

wat i mean is me.... unable to start a conversation...
unable to show the care and concern even as a friend..
i just dunno how to speak up..
dunno how to start off..
onli know how to say sorry..

sorry

2010-09-05T13:14:00.002+08:00

Melvin just asked me. why u nv like to smile and always got no emotion on my face ?

just then i think of my very own flaws.

I cannot handle and express emotions..
tt y i choose to have a plain face or nth at all..

btw thanks melvin.. got to spent the nite with me at warehouse.. sorry to take up ur time..

2010-09-05T10:44:00.002+08:00

so wat if i can study now???
i just lose the meaning of life...

the mind and heart work on a diff line...

why i can just start a conversation?
always is the other whu start..
i dunno, i'm lost...

2010-09-04T18:37:00.002+08:00

i got got 2 emails..
first is my full result of my this term uni...
Prof Eng Math AD
Prof Blue Print AD
Prof Aerodynamic AD
Prof Mechdynamic Part I/IV AD
Prof Cruise Engine Part I/IV AD

plus this:
Student CHOKE CHONG HWEE S8828299Z, an oversea student in UOB, achieved TOP SCHOLAR OF THE YEAR and BEST FRESHMEN AWARD.

next is..
CHOKE CHONG HWEE S8828299Z HAD BEEN ACCEPTED IN TO BACH OF COMMERCE IN UNI OF NORTHERN IOWA. AS AN OVERSEA ONLINE CLASS STUDENTS.

2010-09-04T15:01:00.002+08:00

sat came...
another slpless nite for me...
wat got into me i dunno..message text but the send button not press..
cooling down?
dun think so.. it's like killing myself..blocking off from everything..
staying in warehouse just to hide..
wonder to myself y am i doing this...
i can't answer...
whu will???
i wonder on...

2010-09-04T02:04:00.002+08:00

back to me le...
dunno wat is into me nowadaes.
i got this very bad thought in me...
i like ignoring her or trying very hard not to ask her anything... i also dunno myself strange enough..
my health had not been gd cause i cannot slp and i am taking medi for others.. to try out the side effects... tt me.. nv believe in theory and onli believe it when it happen to me... then kena scold le lo...
i just read stats and commerce book.. hard enough.. aleast for me ba...
strange me... nvm.. hope this feeling will be gone ba....

2010-09-01T12:07:00.002+08:00

ok alfred stop these...
u know me very well and u also know i dun say all these..
whether i have done all those or not doesn't matter..
it's on free will bro...
i not doing all these for pity or watever....
so dun say le..
i do wat i think i need to.. doesn't mean it had to be known...
thanks..

2010-08-28T16:57:00.002+08:00

HI ppl, this is alfred here, not choke.
cause we all know his password.

Here for you all to know and for us to tell u about choke.

he is not online so he must be researching about her report now. either at home or at warehouse.

Choke is just a 22 years old guy who doesn't think like a 22 year old. his thinking is very strange, all his mind is all bros, family and of course her.

He dunno how to express what he has in his mind. the only expression he can do it out very well is anger. Do not make him angry he will go crazy.

He may be just a 22 years old guy but he one the so call "leader" of our group of brothers and the youngest. He can handle things really well, talked to us , play with us. Make decision for each and everyone of us. Give us advice and concern. take care of us really well. All of us look up to him. shared everything with us.

we know every inch of him that why we are here to update you people about him.

First, he is a very family guy, actually he can move off of his small little 3 room house now. He has the very ability to leave elsewhere or even go overseas to live. but for his family to respect them he is still there. he hide everything from his family, that include us, his study , his work and alot more. He never wants his family to worry about him, what ever problem he get himself in or other get it for him, he will never bring it home.

Next, he never leave brothers out, he always help us in tons of ways. He will get really angry if you say things that hurt us.

and of course her, maybe you dunno what he had done for you. He never like to ask for help from anyone. but for you he break this, every single things that can hurts u in a way or another he will always try to clear them out, without getting into your life. Try to set your holiday trip really safe for you. I think the recent one you show know, but did you know that since he like you, your every oversea trip, he himself will go to the place you will be going and check that whole area? include your family trip. Actually what ever you had study he will knows, cause like your poly course, chemical engineering. he will get all the notes that you will be study and read it up first. He is a private student in chemical engineering and he get a GPA of 3.8. now you will be study in PSB and in commerce, i bet with you, he already start reading up all those notes. Just to ensure that when you got any study problems he will be able to help you.

Telling you this is to let you know if u come across. He never like to tell people what he wants and had done for you. let say a small little example, today we all know you are going to collect your iphone4, actually you will not get that phone until the 4th patch of phone come. He went to talk to starhub marketing director to let you have the phone without letting you know, that why will get your phone on this 2nd patch. It's ok no need to thanks him cause i will get scolded when he see this. Just be grateful.

Next is his size, actually he look quite handsome and very style when you see him in suit. we have pictures of him wearing suits that we brought for him cause we always forced him to, if not he will always wear those sloppy shirts he had. actually he doesn't wan him to be fat this way. Do you know he will spend aleast 1 hr daily to train himself. He is a master in akido breathing, he is unable to slim down is actually because when he was learning akido breathing, he broke 3 vein and 2 blood vessels in him, cause this is an ancient tactic which is difficult to learn. He is a fighting master do not look at his cute face thinking that he will not do anything. he can kill a person in just 4 moves. But he learn is just to protect her not just physically and also your name. no one can say bad thing about you, he will just turn nasty, we had seen it lots of times.

Next is money, he may not be appear rich but he is, that is IF he WANTS. He work hard and save up really well. when there is a need for him to help you, he will.

Next is pamper, he is a very independent guy, of course his godfather wan to pamper him but he never want it. He throw lots of those expensive gift in warehouse or with us brothers. He is very afraid of hi godfather pampering "her" too. he actually aleast get over 20 branded limited edition bags for her. but choke keeps all them properly in warehouse. he always say he will get you when the time is right.

that for this time,

sign off
Alfred, Bear, Physco, Tattoo siao, Gamer.
we are all part of his Brother group.
See ya guys.
waiting to meet our DA SAO!

2010-08-28T03:36:00.002+08:00

it 3 plus.. and i am still studying the report..
call here and there looking for doc all over the world..
i just wan u to be healthy and happy.. tt all i am asking for..
is it too much???

2010-08-27T18:42:00.002+08:00

internet was lag like hell...
maybe cause of the mio just install at home...
i dunno wat to do on a fridae nite...
campmate ask me out.. but reject.. dun feel like going out wit them..

i dunno wat i wan also... haha
i always assume things..
assume this assume tt..
i am be right may be wrong..
but think most of the time i'm wrong ba...
i cannot alwyas depend on other..
i can onli make myself do things then i will feel better..
which is now...
i can onli research more to ensure u r very healthy...
i still got 23 more test report to come back to me..
i go back read up le.=)

2010-08-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

me.....
nv wanted to do anything big..
nv wanted to study really well..
nv wanted to stand out in work..
nv wanted to gain everything..
nv wanted to gain respect from anyone..
nv wanted to give anyone trouble..
nv wanted to let ppl pity me

tt why.....
always work extra hard..
always keep myself alone..
always thinks before action..
always plan stuffs before hand..
always do things in the dark without ppl knowing..
always keep a smile..
always remind myself tt whu i am..
always keep myself behind..

maybe tt me..
whu likes to protect ppl in the dark..
whu likes to stay alone and think of you..
whu likes to study or work to wee hours..
whu likes you but dun wan to be with you..

not tt i dun wan to make the step..
i cannot blame it on my char..
i dun blame ppl around me..
i dun blame u at all..

the problems lies in me..
always wat i wan was to see u spend ur life happily..
i know i was wrong to go into ur life with out ur permission..
u dun even know wat i did..
i always know where u r with who and doing wat..
sorry.. it's me whu bang through the privacy of ur life..
i feel bad.. without u telling me or even posting it on facebook..
i knew wat happen..
this is ppl ba..
not everyone around u can be trusted..
tt how the dark side work..
i settle lots of problems just to make sure ppl around u r ok..
but no matter wat i do.. there is always flaws..
but u learn ba..
i cannot just keep u in a box and locked it up..
it hurts me when ever i know something wrong or bad is going on in you..
my extended worries nv go low...
tt me..

ok.. i am someone whu loves you but dare not take the step.. onli dare to look at u from the back while u smile and laugh with others.... tt me~

2010-08-25T14:05:00.001+08:00

just back home from camp.. non stop 30 hrs of work for me from ytd morning..
godfather u see ur own la.. can read me big deal meh...zzz i also need to go read up in medi again.. bb.. and dun send dr woo come.. i need i will find him...

2010-08-23T18:40:00.002+08:00

todae wasn't a gd dae...
due to morning my colleague give my cock up work early in the morning which i need to solve.
lot of phone calls doing lots of shit work..
then come this power one liao...
tml nite got exercise which once again i am the safty officer again.. got to follow.
the exercise is from 9p.m to 3a.m.. then after 3 i will need to fall in parade square by 4a.m. going to get COA but whu care about this stupid cerf...
todae damn sian. i tried all my SAR21 using pen-test.. over 120 guns la.. test the whole afternoon.. tired like fuck..
then went to cut hair.. damn stupid.. gosfather can ask yeo stop following me... i say le i dun wan anyone to follow me and i a at boon lay la... i dun wan anyone to know la... tt idiot... whu already got square top already still go in barber shop just to dig the ear!!! knn... i was trying to throw all the coin to uncle and he say nvm he will pay for me.. wa lau lei.. then uncle give me the strange look... then he told me cause i nv use there de money so look poor... KNN..
i told u le godfather i will not touch there de money even thought i have help u all to earn alot.. but tt is helping u.. which u have been taking care of me very well..
damn sian..
ya sorry godfather.. i dun mean to make u worry about my health. i know u r the one to make me go throught yearly health test. cause u know i nv take care of myself one..
i try to la... no worry u know me de.. i nv die so early de la....=X
haha.
one thing.. STOP SENDING ME THOSE SUPPLEMENT CARD AND CREDIT CARD LA...
u know i will nv used it la..
please la...
i will visit u once i got my time.. think nov ba.. i see how it is.. bring her to see u ok??
not a comfirm answer here...
u enjoy urself.. and dun scold me too fast ok.. u see ur own report.. i also have ur one ok...
take care.. bear they all will help u la...=)

2010-08-18T21:57:00.003+08:00

sorry la bro i spell wrongly..
u dun say ma.. later ur gf see liao i can say is not you.. you damn dumb la....

bro no worries la.. i choke dun die tt easy one..
and i dehydrate until i faint for 30 mins todae....=X
but i still nv go doc cause they thought i slping..hahahahha gd actor lei....haha

bro another thing... i need the full detailed report asap...
i'm reading the dae report now... still ok lei... but the wbc and the hormoes got something not tt right even though id not tt high.. and the level is low... i need to see the SLDK scan and the HGFY blood chart... ask godfather tt side faster can?? kind of in a rush... but dun send me tml.. i not at home..

tml actually i can get off one... but i got to do my duty at nite.. so i not at home la... dun send me... i still need to read up more on the report la.. ig o first anything just call me..

2010-08-17T20:53:00.002+08:00

ALRED!!!
DUNNO is whu give whose no to ppl lo...=X
u knn..=X

ok la first thing... i dunno y but i am having heavy dehydration these few daes..
aleast also vomit thrice a dae.. and it's all water...
dun feel like going to see DOC also..

second. NTU senior lecture call me todae...
asking me whether am i interested to become lecture in the NTU after the 6 years course they going to give me which include going for researh and lecture class in uni of london for the last 2 years and be back to be an lecture in NTU for math and engineer..
the onli things tt make me interested is actually onli tt i will stay in singapore and work..

actually i am still tihnking... 3 years of work in singapore first then study or 4 years of study there and work there... or go for laws or others courses...
i onli got one factor. tt is onli her...
i may not be the one right beside her..
but i will be the one whu will be there when even called..
may think tt this sound stupid.. but to me it's worth it..
tt y godfather and my bro have nv put me together with my actual years old...
i am just 22.. but they always say u think and behave like an 40 years old man...
haha maybe tt my actual age ba... one year got 2 birthdae ma.. hahaahhahahh
one english one chinese...hahahaha

Bros i actually got one request... please take care of godfather. i know u all will do it even if i dun say it... but u all know he old man but always appear happy and act like kid... but u all know he is like me neglect his own health one.. onli godmother and ask him eat medi one.. bro tell u secret do it like me.. haha cannot post here he will see.... later i message u all... ahahaha...

bros i end my course for tis term liao.. nth to study liao.... should i take night class??? if not at home emo meh?.. =X... bros please take care of godmother and godfather for me... i know it's always the other way round... haha...

ok bro u guys take care too... godfather know the result of the blood test tell me... i wan full detailed one! ty.. u know whose one i referring to.. cause whu tell u faster than me.. u knn

2010-08-15T03:01:00.002+08:00

bro and godfather... i felt lost here..
u all ahve always been telling me wat u all believe i can do..
but nv once u all told me stop.. u can't do these...
but i am lost.. i'm feeling like a child..
need help but yet i can't voice it out...
yes u r rite!
u all know it onli her...
i dunno wat she thinks every moment...
urge to know everything tt concern her..
but i know i am in no palce to ask all these..
u all may say it's old fashion.. but to me i learn it this way..
not mine i nv touch... nv cross tt line...
always tries to be polite...
so in the end like wat alfred say i will be getting a " hao ren card"
but i just need her smile.... simply smile...
but behind every smiles... i always sense something wrong some where...
am i thinking too much???

she just keep popping into my head and visual every now and then.. just like it became a necessarily le...
maybe it's so call poison...
time is the onli thing tt heal and kills...

2010-08-14T09:59:00.002+08:00

this week is not a good week for me...
slpless nite was a killer...
bored to death...
worried???
angry???
down??
emo??
dunno wat even happen...
this life ba...
not everything can be accounted for...
ya.. ytd...
since bear also know le... he tag b4 i can even post...
bro i know u all r not here..
i am still whu i am...
u know wat i can do to this kind of ppl..
so no worry la.. i am alwyas end everything without a scratch ..

ytd doesn't have anything to do...
so last min think of going back to warehouse to pray since it's 7th month also.. i haven pray yet..
after tt drink alone there.... then ppl call me..
tell me tt idiot is in dragonfly...
so got to go down settle him...
so i go lo... it's been long time since i used my fist..
i was not feeling anything when it just connected to his face..
like always the bouncer will just see..
settle le then since few cam mates was at double o so go there wahile lo.. to see them drunk..
try to drink with them but there r like so high.. then i send one drunk campmate home... cause he shut the dj's laptop sia..

after all i am still moodless ba.. dun ask me why.. i haven been wondering...

2010-08-11T18:43:00.002+08:00

bro i think u all know wat happen liao..
cause one by one u all r calling me...
my temper suck la... no comment liao..
i know u all will come out with some physoc to physoc me one la...
u all have been well.. putting me in the dark....
making me free so upright or wat ever.. but i'm not la...
utterly disappointed with myself...
bro stop calling ba.. i will not answer de..
left me alone ba...

2010-08-09T19:50:00.002+08:00

ok i am back here..
firstly my birthdae.. just like any other dae...
the nite b4 my birthdae.. went to marina bay sand to drink with alderson..
talk alot to me... cause godfather tell me damn lots of things about me... aleazst he talk sense to me la...i happy tt he gave me advices... but unhappy with the girls.... i can't live with girls around man... please..
ok then my birthdae ba.... went out with geraldine, sufyan, james, cumber, berlinda and shuinan. went to grand haytt .... ate the buffet.. and is like soso la.. lol ok la not bad... nv eat much ba... dunno wat i thinking also... always so stressed out.. thanks geraldine for the wallet, sufyan for treating, james for the wallet even thought i nv use... shuinan for the shirt... after tt went to meet kelyn at jp.. thanks for the cake.. then went to central la kopi again ba.. haha then went back home...
went to Switzerland to meet godfather and bros... went at 3a.m..
went there bear fetch me....
once i alight from the car.. i was drag in by them and pin down..
kena kissed by all their gfs... SIANS LA...
i dun like tt la...
cause i onli like one person kiss,, LOLZ.. lame me..
ya all of them was suaning me all the way.. cause all of them are in pairs...
onli me... kena suan until i super sian...
lot of presents but i nv vring back... haha.. cause i onli need one wallet will do.. hee..
godfather always have things for me to think about everytime i meet him...
no matter how hard we try... he will always aleast have an 30 mins serioue talk with me..
i know wat u wan.. but i can't..
i am just 22 and i am still in NS..
i know u like her alot..
i can't afford anything for her..
no compromise and nth..
nth i can gif her..
i have no right to ask her also..
if i got nth like now how to jio her?
and u think i tom cruise meh..
somemore i ugly... i got all the disadvantage...
godfather i am stress up... not onli about me.. and i am always worrying about her..
it just wouldn't get out of my head..

2010-08-02T21:46:00.002+08:00

bro since i am free at home.. i came here to do so soul refreshing...
i kind of hate myself, my temper, my weight, my size... just myself..
i was dulan just now with cum's problems.... cause tt happen to me b4 so i know the damn feeling...
and i told her abit it... she ask me dun dunlan and i reply how not to dulan..
fuck la... then come no reply.. fucking felt the regretful ....
now also dunno how... fucking sian lo...
me and my fault... y my temper like tt.. bro how?
i tired of myself.... i need someone... no wat i need is just her....
but like wat sometimes u all will hint me... ppl got their choices..
bro.. ppl r meant to have dreams.. and she is one big part of it..
u all know how important she is...
bo bian.. u all r my most trusted ppl le.. tt y need to ask u all go bangkok.. i know it's hard... i'm sorry after NS i will make it up back to u all... sorry...

and sorry to u....it's my bad to answer like tt.. sorry..

2010-07-28T22:27:00.002+08:00

BROS.. like wat u all have told me... this blog i think u all r the onli ones tt read... so i think about it. why do i have to hide u guys from others... ok bros.. u all can comment and talk here le... =)

Still thanks alot bros... rmb to go drunk after my birthdae man... ask godfather where he wan drink... u all take care... i think most of u r on holidae or working ba.. but i dun have the time to meet u all... i'm very sorry bros....

2010-06-22T20:23:00.002+08:00

was home the whole day.. cause i was forced to take off.. i have over 40 daes off... and just nice todae i dun have any task in hand so my boss forced me to take off.. haha..
but an off dae is not east to pass man...
even thought i slept at 1 ytd...and wake up at 12 todae..is the longest i have slpet.. but i keep waking up in the middle... i dun feel like i have take the 11 hrs slp...
haha.. nvm
the later part of the day i was making phone call here and there...
settle the ppl in bangkok... bo bian asked them for a big flavour... still got to talk more to make them happy and willing to help me...
heee actually i came here is because while i was surfing aimlessly on the web i found this...

The problem stemmed from a difference in approach. To many men a complaint is a challenge to come up with a solution. Mark thought he was reassuring Eve by telling her there was something she could do about her scar. But often women are looking for emotional support, not solutions.

When my mother tells my father she doesn't feel well, he invariably offers to take her to the doctor. Invariably, she is disappointed with his reaction. Like many men, he is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.

i am just like a normal man, telling the solution, however after looking at these i kind of like understand why i keep getting the reply SIAN.. or something same.. but i dunno wat to text back.. kind of need to read more ba.. haha or someone can tell me???? heee

just not a dae

2010-06-10T23:00:00.002+08:00

todae every shit tt can fall on a person fall on me..
ytd nite.. first step into this shit dae...
i dream of myself dead.. in my own funereal, onli got godpa, bear, alfread, gamer, phyco, ite and chunyip.
not even my family is there.. is like i also dunno wat to say it just wake me u at 2 when i start to slp at 12.30.
nvm then come second one.. cannot get to slp so prepare for my mock test. then wat i study did not come out for the test.. sian liao lo... after then result come back 60%.. wth...
also nvm.. next... go out to ns.. take lift until downstair forget to bring ez-link card... go back take.. then in lift see one siao uncle.. knn smoke in lift.. ccb..
nvm... then go busstop.. wait for 240 wait fucking long...
nvm... then got on bus find a sit, sat down.. one auntie brought laska on bus packet one.. dunno whu will wan to eat laska early the the morning sia... then cause bus pack she sit beside me.. then got one uncle push until her hand.. her laska fall then kena my shoe and jeans... early in the morning...
nvm... reach jp faster go toilet wash... then toliet got ppl shit.. fucking smelly...
nvm... then went to take camp bus.. just saw the bus.. it went off.. i am late liao lo..
nvm... go camp.. first thing late kena fuck
nvm... hope the other will be ok.. then coem call me here and there knn.
nvm... when i doing secret with my friend, maj call.. ask the guy doing with u malay ar? i say yes.. he say malay canot touch secret.. WTH.. then ask e everything do myself..
nvm.. i do... do for like very 10 min he call me do this do that like i very free like tt..
nvm.. then i neeed to rush all this by fri cause mon course start... if not fri i no need go home liao... then he keep adding more workload on me..
nvm.. then forget lunch..
nvm.. wan to buy redbull... sold out...
nvm.. forget it go back my room do.... air-con spoil....knn
nvm.. end up and with lots of paper and pen knife cuts..
nvm.. do until 5 thoguht can go home rest awhile... then sir see me say choke.. edwin mess up the AIOC returning of books... help him out.. wth.. meaning i stay back to help...
nvm.. then all the sir all look for me give me all sort of stupid reason for missing books and lost pages...
nvm.. finally can go home.. changed.. wan to step out of office... another student coem gif me shit...
nvm.. do lo.. walk out of sdc.. nvm tuck in shirt.. kena from warrant officer cb...
nvm.. walk cross sdc... door closed...
nvm.. walk one big round.. reach busstop get on the bus no ppl... press the bell..uncle dun wan stop de lei...passed one busstop...
nvm.. i walk back.. while walking to shuinan house downstair de busstop.. dunno how i kick one stupid stone and fall down..
nvm.. saw the busstop missed 99... and ping in the bus too...
nvm.. reach home wan use com.. both com bro use..
nvm.. then wan to eat dinner whole dae nv eat.. mum cook all those i dun like one..
nvm.. go bath.. fall down in bathroom..
nvm.. sit down dun wan move.. father scolding me y nv help mum do this do tt...
after allt his shit happen just in a dae.. u think is this a dae???

2010-05-29T01:32:00.001+08:00

todae is a really dunno wat dae???
i 'm confused here.. really..
am i wrong??? wrong pls tell me... someone
fucking scold me or wat... tell me i'm in wrong..

2010-05-23T03:34:00.002+08:00

really felt useless...
first time trying my really best to help but i still failed!
waking up at 7 just to go down to alfred house to wear my business suit. where i dun touch it at all...
then when down damn early when i am suppose to meet him at 9.. reach at 8...
while waiting think of all the things i can say to him..
however he keep wanting me to join his sch.. wtf la... first i dun study their courses.
second why is it tt u got space for me and her when u dun have space for her??? bulllshit la....
talk to him for 1 and a half hours.. still can't.. then he got to leave... and it's start pouring... get on a cab get to alfred house the way from the road to his house. i was really down... drench in the pouring rain.. feeling so heavy like nv before...
really felt very bad...
haiz....

i thought after this i can rest welll... cause for the whole week i have nv slpet for more than 3 hrs a dae... somemore was sick on mondae got to go hospital in the nite...

somemore on wed i'm going for operation on my knees... there is onli 75% success rate.. i dunno how.. but i think i will take it... haiz.. can't seem to slp... haiz

2010-05-18T13:34:00.002+08:00

i dunno y i felt like this but i am,
feeling tt i have done something wrong by look at ur reply..
i i know u r very tired...
or maybe is me whu thinks too much..
i have been trying to help to think of ways to help.. but i still cannot get the solution and i haven told u , and tt wat i scared. u going to be sina and cannot sleep well..
tt the reason y i dun wan to tell u i am sick too..
but i know is ping whu tell u i dun blame him cause he know how much u mean to me.
i'm just blaming myself tt i am useless.. now my left arm is like totally no strength.. sian.. and i stil got things to help in.. i afraid tt this will failed and i dun wan it to fail..

2010-05-16T04:44:00.002+08:00

back home..
just feel like blogging..
nth much even thought in my brain i think there is aleast a hundred things i wan to blog about..
but firstly is my keyboard is giving me problems... i got to retype the word dunno how any times then it get corrected...
but i dun think i will blog everything out since no pl will actually look at these..
i think???

actually wat i wan to blog about is just one thing...
i just wan u to live happy with ur life...
not worrying about wat ppl think even me..
cause wat ever u do as long as it make sense and u dun regret it.. practically i dun object or say nag to u..
as long as u think about it..
tt wat i always hope for you..

i dun think i will blog about other stuff ba...
kind of relief feeling come into me these few dae.. so ok ba.
ppl please get plenty of rest...
dun fall sick...

2010-05-08T19:24:00.002+08:00

is in GOOD MOOD TODAE...
still ok la... haha.. even thought i was just studying..
even thought form next week onward i got to wake up at 4.30 everydae to study...
but ytd i was happy.. i get to see ur face in close range again.. even though it is something i shouldn't do..
just to put it simply.. I"M HAPPPY CAUSE OF U~~ lala

2010-05-01T12:46:00.002+08:00

wake up with just 3 hrs of slp but not feeling tired lol..

had a strange dream just now... meet her but lost my army secret stuff.. army too stress le ba.. lolz

this week kind of like blur blur to pass ba..

from mondae dunno y head had been spinning until ytd.. eating dunno how many panodol a dae, dun really rmb things.. super short term memory..

then wed morning went for my trainning safty officer course which last 3 day..
wed morning still okok.. until about lunch time ping call me, where i am not suppose to use my phone. he say urgent in sms so i pick up. during my break, whu know he pop this kind of news to me.. but then wat i can say, not tt i dun wan to care is tt without him telling me.. i will be the last person on earth to know ba..
but still i called. when the call is not answer i was like an ant on a hot pot. dunno wat to do. go back to class with my phone on, it rang and i just pick it up.
my sir look so stunt at me but after i hang up i kena scold until like dunno wat... plus tt dae the test i got onli 56% when i always get 90 and above...

wed i dunno how i walk but almost fall down twice in just 5 min time.

thurs was like hell of a great spin.. head was really in pain and spinning around but is till got to go for the course.. but aleast i get 64% this time around but still i kena scold...

fri.. nv go for course cause going to the police station. but i take the test early in the morning i spend my time reading on it on thurs nite. finally manage to get a 92%... so sir is still happy about it.. then i went to the police station with my father and bro. due to the case which is about 1 year ago le ba.. wack my neighbour thing la..stupid de la.. i waited at police station for like 3 hrs to see the stupid police to tell me i get warning for 12 month.. with a stupid attidue then i am pissed of for the dae.. really pissed off... then went to hospital got to wait again.. dunno wat is my nurse so busy about... maybe i was just not in the mood la.. she talk to me i also nv say much her jokes not funny... sorry...
then went to see the doc, gave me 1 injection one each knee.. fucking pain.. then got to lie on the bed for 2 hrs before i can go.. so wait again ba...

reached home damn sian and pissed off..
actually i am really grate and gald tt u talk to me... ia m sorry tt i am still in tt mood.. my temper have been going from bad to worst le... gettitng pissed off easily nowadae... now is alot better le after long long talk with cum.. from like 12mn to 6 in the morning..lolz
dunno wat to say.. but i cannot see facebook all the time, i am just nobody to u but i care.. please let me know...

2010-04-18T19:12:00.002+08:00

i really dunno wat had gotten into me for this few daes..
cannot get to slp and work problem come in...
haiz...
drink lots of coffee and drink to keep myself working.
talking to chunyip and ping really helps.. thanks bros...
sorry but i really cannot do the way u all ask to..=)
but then i have clear my mind just now wahile walking at jp...
i really stupid stupid me, sorry sorry for gifing u tt attitude.
once again tml is mondae..
later got to go back camp.. another stupid 5 daes..
onli looking forward to weekend...

2010-04-13T00:24:00.002+08:00

last week pass really fast ba.. but enjoyed, dun even feel tired even thought i was like busy??
haha.. FIRST OF ALL

HAPPY BIRTHDAE TO GERALDINE LEE...

haha.. ya i had given the present to her really hope tt she like it. cause i tried new things instead of just buying.
haha like the walking bear. search for it high and low for like 6 months, onlne, oversea, shop cannot find it.
lucky to be finally found at marine square arcade. those grabing machine, whcih i nv play b4.
haha but then make tt effort to try cause i need it badly, haha. lots of ppl looking at me la..it not like play once then got it le... tt 40 mins there grabbing feel like 3 years there. then i can even sweat when it's ar-con palce and not moving at all.haha
cumber knows this feeling too cause after me is him.. haha but diff things.

find liqour store for tt 3l martell was hard too.. but ttt wat i wan..lolz. 21 lei.. wothout something tt can stunt ppl is like not fair. haha

then goes the flower. sad lo.. the auntie still disturb me.. say 1st time buy flower ar? so shy meh? still ask about my age lo.. say i 22 liao nv gif flower b4 meh.. wth de auntie..nvm i still happy with the flower she sell it to me.. haha even thought she is stunt by my order. such a big order.haha 21 flower...hahaha
bits and pieces of thing here and there but i feel tt everything i do is worth it.
just by looking at her smile when the dae the event held. =)

still got to say thanks you to her for letting me to be a part of her important step in her life.. THANKS YOU!!!

P.S not just 5 years.. it will still goes on and on..=)

2010-03-20T00:51:00.002+08:00

suddenly i just think of 28 july 2004..haha
tt dae i tell myself lots of stuffs...
from tt dae to todae i done alot of stupid things along the way..
but i learn from ppl.. listen and now i am here..
haha.. looking back is funny...
where else.. i dun see me losing those important ppl around me...
ppl maybe just be a bypasser in my life..but then all these ppl build me from bits and pieces..
i know things i do ppl may not agree.. but i know tt there r ppl standing by me..
i know whu they are and i really wan them to know whu u really r..
i tried to help u all as much as possible but forgive me if i did it the wrong way or it is not within my abilitly to..
i ain't no superman.. but
i choke chong hwee here...
with just one message or phonecall..
i will do my best either to be there or try to help things out or talk to u about facts, even finding ppl tt can help u within my range..or by my own ways...=)
so actually there is nth for u all to hide from me.. i am not tt bad ba... hope ppl will tell the truth... thanks you very much..
i cherish all the ppl being in my life now or past even future.. THANKS YOU!

2010-02-24T23:07:00.002+08:00

yo.. back here... as always it's been a long time. lots of things happened.

chinese new year when back... was very stunt when i got the message when i was about to come back.
back then i was like hoping to see the message.. haha 1 week lei.. go there kena suay like dunno wat... ask me this ask me tt.. even ask when i going to give birth to let other paly.. crazy enough..haha

after tt back le went marina square with ping cum and his ber. done something so pia seh lo... first time in my life sia... wat to do??? the thing can onli be found there nearest to wat i wan le...haha

then something make me feel sian and heart sunken... is my bro bear.. he called me so happily really so happy.. i nv hear him so happy b4 even when his gf agree to marry him.. but then sorry bro u know tt is not the case.. sorry tt my effort doesn't make it there. sorry tt i mislead u.. sorry to let u drop down from such a high mood tt i nv see b4.. sorry..

then come my army... work work and work...
ya.. i went for my pes status check on tue.. i got no more high blood pressure and heart problem le... hahah glad to hear tt... i request to up my pes to become combat fit so tt i can slim down by the harsh way. but they still need my doc report. which is tml..i have ask my doc not to give my leg report... he didn't really say ok.. but just hope he do it my way.. just trying to look for my motivevation somewhere there... tt all thx

2010-02-05T18:08:00.002+08:00

long time nv come back here..
now i am in ns le...
boring lo.. onli work like 5 months and i am the 2ic of my dep le..
the sian part is i do so many things and i am onli getting 400 per month... sian..

nth much ba...
this year dunno is a bad year or wat??
lot of ppl breaking up or quarrel or watever la.. alot of stunts come out...
and sio ba too..
she not bad can make me so angry de... wth..
even my "bro" also DONE something not gd at ALL....another wth...
but u lucky she dun let me do lo...
u idiot.. dunno wat u thinking de la..haiz...

lucky she got her friend around... wth... dun talk about tt de la..
and stop destroying my effort... 5 and a half year le ok....

ZZZzzz

2009-09-09T03:15:00.000+08:00

i have been think y does ppl in this world got so much to worry got so much to think.
so much happen in relationship and life?
does heaven really wan to paly on us or does we make our fate?
cause alex is having relatioship, family and money issues. and i can't even do a single thing to help him feel better.

and i here have realtionship or no. is one sided ship lolz. i was wondering y when she is just a normal friend to me i got to worry so much thinking so much. and her ONE sms will like bring my happiness lvl up over 100%. just like wat ping say when we were working we keep looking into phone whu are we acctually thinking of??
when she ignore me, first i dunno wat have i done wrong. second can i have the reasons for the ignore?. lastly y i am feeling so really down? even alex can see it.

and then here is army. i am going in next mon.
and i also dunno la army is stressing me too... haiz

next is my study.. i really regret y i can't even finished my poly if not i no need to stress so much and wait for my army to finished and i can go to germany and study my uni. now i got to wake up every mon to fri 5a.m to study online class with them.it really stress me lots. cause i can't slp i need to listen to wat the prof say. and then got to do my tutorial and hand in by 4.30p.m everydae and tt the time i wake up..haiz. somemore tyhere is company tt sponser my study but wanting me to work there 8 very years. even thought the pay is really high. 11k pound even month plus house and car inclulded. but i got to gif up so much things. i dunno i am really really stress out. my bros say go lo. when they free they will go over is for my future. but to me i really hate gifing things up.. haiz

i am really stress out... i go read on my note b4 i start my class at 5.

2009-07-27T05:53:00.000+08:00

heee... i just back home no long... haha.. i feel really happy todae..
not cause by ppl.. is by myself...
cause for 5 years todae is and one dae le.. cause ytd nv update..=X haha
thinking back all the stupid things i have done... haha.
but u are still there standing first out of anyone... haha.
i also dunno y i nv change in a way..=)
nv felt this happy....=)
wwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. haha

2009-07-14T00:08:00.002+08:00

sian ar sian. dunno why i am more sian then ever.. first my dad keep nagging about the statement tt i am going to gif on thurs. which is why my mouth got 1 scar. sian and another thing which the about 90% tt it makes me feel sian is tt, dunno why i have this very very strong feelings tt i stand nowhere in ur heart, dun say ur heart i think even brain. i will not cross the path of ur thinking. tt is my feelings and this is the very first time i felt. heart just sank. even when bear just call to say hi. i was like so cool to him. even he knows tt i am tihnking about u. but maybe is tt he with me too long le ba.. forget it.. =) bye and my pay rise..which should be happy but i am not....